love comes unexpected

these couple of weeks life has managed to deal my entire fajily a bad hand. Ever since i could remember we have struggled as a whole and we have bonded toghter like adhesive glue would do doing its work. My mother who i miss and i so refretfully mistreated for lack of awareness of how she truly did love went into a state of coma that perhaps she might not come out of. Shes in crtical condition in san gaberial valkey shes been their going on two months and i still havent picked up the courage to go see the women that gave me life. I feel so guilty and alone. Im finding myself asking god forball the things i said and did to her and i told god if he could pardon my mom i would help raise money to donate to the local most needed church. So here i am trying to keeo my end of the deal hoping he kerps his which i know he will.