To everyone taking the time and effort to read my story; first let me extend a million sincere thanks for dropping by. We all have a past in life and not every path is easy, fortunate or lucky.
Though it was a very difficult decision to open up and post here to seek help in achieving my dreams and goals, I will share my journey with you. I decided to write this hoping kind people out there would empathize and understand my plight, especially as a woman and dedicated mother who sacrificed all these years by putting my family, children and husband first while giving all I could to ensure a proper environment and better future for them.
Sadly, I divorced 6 years ago. Prior, I had been full time housewife for 13 years and a mom to 2 beautiful young children who were my pride and joy.I was in my early 20’s when I got married, devoted all my time and attention to my marriage, husband and kids, taking on the traditional role of a dutiful homemaker. Nevertheless, being both badly physically and emotionally abused over time and despite my best efforts, I ended up having no alternative other than finally ending my marriage to stop the abuse. Regretfully the saddest part of the bullying and manipulation, was that my children were not only taken from me, but far worse, were turned against me in a contrived, convoluted, domineering, patriarchal culture with money spinning a web of lies. I lost almost everything.
Yet, escaping that bad situation, life has continued to be quite harsh. I hadn’t been working professionally for more than a decade. Those in a similar position know the enormous difficulties of finding an adequate job to support yourself, combined with the scarcity of opportunities, can lead to utter despair, exasperation, self-doubt and of questioning one’s self-worth. So, I ended up in a car workshop as an odd job laborer, moving heavy parts and doing miscellaneous admin work. After working long and very diligently, plus exhaustively searching for an affordable flat, I finally managed to find a space to live. Surviving on just over S$1,000 a month (which is barely enough for a rent, food and bills) I would eat 1 meal a day and walk more than 10km back and forth from work.
My struggle then got even harder.Besides those all too common road blocks for divorcees, back to work women, the lack of funds and people who are vulnerable or far too easily marginalized or dismissed by society, I was diagnosed with Lupus. “Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue in many parts of the body. Common symptoms include painful and swollen joints, fever, chest pains, hair loss, mouth ulcers, swollen lymph nodes, feeling tired and a red rash which is most commonly on the face. There is no cure.”
Surviving the abuse, battling thru my disease and striving to rebuild and support myself, I have made a promise to advance my position by also taking on new studies. It is said God helps those who help themselves. My ultimate dream is to keep going to obtain a PhD! My area of study is psychology with the intent that my education will then aid in helping others progress, improve and live a more fulfilled life.
You can see I am trying … trying very hard … every … single … day. It is mind numbing and soul crushing to be caught in a vicious cycle of starting over, from absolutely nothing, working to live, working to get ahead, working too many hours for far too little pay, finding time to cram in studies, paying tuition, keeping up with medical bills, dealing with an illness that tries to stop you from accomplishing anything, all while these things happen over and over and over again in spite of your best efforts to end the loop and get ahead. Not to mention the shame of my marriage, the indignity of suffering thru abuse, the embarrassment of posting my story and the inexplicable disgrace of losing my children. My health is deteriorating and getting worse. Help!
Despite my past, my story and suffering from this often debilitating illness, I don’t want to give up work, my studies, my dreams and my goals. I am motivated to achieve, improve and no matter the hurdles, move forward. This I do not only for myself and others, but to make my kids proud.
I share my journey, not for pity, but to demonstrate to those who may donate that I never ever gave up and that I believe in hope, positivity, action and people’s goodness. This is not so much a call for a hand out. Rather, this is a humble ask for a hand up.
My ultimate plan is to succeed, set an example for my children and commit to a life of giving back more than I have ever received. Don’t just ask for blessings … go be a blessing!
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your generous consideration.
- Jane D.