I feel obligated to talk after 5 years of silence, 5 years of it never been spoken about again, not once. I am now ready to talk myself, I want to make an impact on someone's life - I am ready. More now than ever before after seeing a dear family friend take his life just 4 weeks ago. We need to stop it happening. We need to end the silence and give hope.
My dark moment came sitting at the kitchen table at 11 pm one night, that one phone call, someone looking for money which I didn't have, the call that pushed me over the edge into the darkest place of my life. I had been under pressure financially and I guess this was it. I remember going upstairs, reaching for pills, coming back down stairs and downing them with water, every last one. I have a vague memory of my daughter on the phone, the ambulance coming... then blank. I woke next day in ICU wired to a ventilator, pupils dilated 7 / 8, body ached, mind clouded, screaming inside but couldn't talk, praying, wanting to be alone, my father hugging me, my family coming, the coldness of some staff, the gruelling from doctors, did I leave a note, why did I do it. Short answer it was IMPULSE and I believe this in many cases of people wanting to take their lives. I believe they truely get TIRED and it is a much better word to use than suicide. As time lapsed I realised... I wanted to live..I am worth something...There are ways around everything...It's ok to talk...Life is worth living. Since that day 5 years ago, I have remained strong and find ways around difficult times. Sadly though, none of my family and friends have never mentioned it to this day, it was brushed under the carpet which to me is sad. I'm not sure how I would have responded if they did, but it might have been nice if someone asked "ARE YOU OK"?.
THAT IS WHY I AM HERE - I WANT TO HELP OTHERS
So many people comit suicide every day. I believe in a lot of cases, it is IMPULSE. They get tired, there is a lack of resourses, they are so alone, afraid to ask for help, they need to know their life is important and need assurance all will be ok.
Remember, there is always a reason someone tries to take their life. Their body and mind is so tired.
I want them to know that healing is possible, there is reason to go on living andhelp them to remain positive.
We all need someone we can relate to. Connection is one of the best reasons to staying alive. To surround yourself with good people, speak out and be heard and in time they may be the very one that can help another person.
People wonder how someone could take their life ? They wonder what can be done to stop suicides ? Well it can happen to anyone and I am living proof of this. Seeking help won't result in punishment, I know that. We need to open the dialogue about depression and suicide. Suicide is never the option option, nor the right choice to make.
What I want to do is make a huge difference. I want to reach out to people, make everyone aware that it is ok to talk from young to old. Please help me to fix the broken hearted, help those who have tried to die and are still living, give them hope and reassurance, to let them know healing is possible, give them light, set goals, give them reasons to go on living.
I have thought long and hard about this. I see advertisements, darkness into light, resource groups etc (all great) but but WE NEED MORE. This is called "STAYING ALIVE". To succeed I must go in fighting like a bull. My aim is to buy a little Center for people, let them arrive in off the street, make a coffee, sit and talk (a listening ear), let them know everything is ok and hope and pray we can make a difference to their lives. In time, maybe they can share their feelings with others, connect and make a difference. I want to adorn the towns with literature making people aware and letting them know to feel pain, be a victim, feel isolated, bullied, excluded, grieved or pressured can be overcome. I want it highlighted on social media, in schools, people living alone, I want to target all ages.
I can't do this alone, I need YOUR HELP please.
I want "STAYING ALIVE" to become the biggest headline of Suicide Awareness in time.
I want to be able to look back on today with you by my side and say "WE DID IT TOGETHER".
Please will you help ?