God swept me out of the deep despair that consumed me...after losing my job in 2009. I tried to find my way back into my profession, but in that small town it wasn't happening, I was a success, then I was nothing. I struggled to find my place after the prominent company downsized me out after 15 yrs., reaching 50+ it seemed hopeless, my age is held against me. I worked odd jobs...till one day in 2013, all alone, I moved south. I've always been a hard worker, honest and self-reliant (mom told me, even as a tyke). Right out of high school I married the wrong man, experienced abusive trauma, till I finally broke free, as a single-parent, raised my 2 children into fine adults. Attended college. I went from housewife to executive. Devoted to my family and career, it was very satisfying. After all I had been through, I felt good about my life. Over the years, I met with many challenges; I was attacked in my hotel room while on family vacation when I opened the door at a knock I believed to be my daughter returning from the pool, was robbed, beaten and duct-taped to the bed. After this was when Natalee Holloway incident surfaced, how lucky we were, I am so thankful! My home caught fire by a heater, now I have awful PTSD reflex when I hear siren or see fire trucks rushing, an awful memory...but lucky here too, my little dog was not killed...she has the same PTSD I have! So much more, but too many for one lifetime or to tell you about here. I just need a lucky break... I have so much to do and share with people in this life! I am a very positive person and giving, nobody knows what is in this background, it is past and I am a survivor! They come to me for words of sunshine & laughter. I try to cheer others up with this message that you can be ready for every NEW day, no matter what happened the day before!
Something strong pulled me out of my broken spirit, it was an extremely difficult decision to leave my family, I miss my grandbabies dearly...but maybe they will move someday to be with me again. My health is so much better. I prayed and searched, and suddenly my path was illuminated...helping people was the best aspect of life that I have always thrived on. I filled my days with other people's joy and helped them in their sorrow...volunteering at the hospital, my church and Hospice. This feels right, where I am supposed to be. My nature is gentle, generous to a fault, I have a personality that people like me and they trust...they tell me their secrets; oddly I have been told it's a sense of safety they feel with me. I just genuinely care.
Hope for the Future
An opportunity came out of the blue and I was led to open an insurance business. My uncle once told me it was 40 years of the most rewarding interaction with people. Security of knowing I could work until I am very 'aged' appeals to me, I will always need to work. It is really not work to me, it is love of the living. This inspired me; I am determined, so I had to put it all into motion...cashed in my 401k, borrowed against every last nickel on credit...and after many corporate delays initiating the brand use authorization, my funds have depleted having had to pay out on all expenses. I had to wait months with the office set up and ready to go with no income coming in. I do not get any money unless I sell the products, as it is commission only and I pay for everything. I started scratch from nothing, no customers and as a startup agency this takes time to build a book with sales to make any profit, far from there yet...all just expenses paying out. Down to 1 staff and myself.... We share a caring mindset and together, with our customers, we are like a family.
Overcoming the Fear
I am alone with my dilemma, nowhere to turn, I've tried every way to get a loan, my debt is too high and all is coming due. I can't sleep and though I lay still, I feel my body trembling on the inside, I fear losing everything. I can't afford to pay my bills and will lose my team in just a few weeks' time now. Wounded by my past, all these years...I have feared any relationship, devoted to family, God and sharing my time with others, I avoided; at this point, I can say this is the most alone I have ever felt... I have no one to say "it will work out" or support me when I stumble and fall. Out on a limb now, I am in trouble. I could not have anticipated the delays I encountered. With all sincerity in my heart, I say to you I have never asked anyone for anything, ever...I need help now...I do not know what else to do. My life is with people and my work -- that's all I have. I live a simple life with what I need, which for myself, isn't much. I know with this opportunity it will give me the chance to be giving back every day and someday I want to give back for this time when I cried out for help. I can't bear to lose this business. I am never alone spriitually and trust in God...if this is his plan I found this site, I am here. I've almost made it to my dream. Eternally grateful to anyone who can hear my plea for help. Thank you.