I suffer from major depressive disorder and chronic migraines. Up until 2013, I was able to work full-time as an educator teaching middle school science in a Title 1 school. I have been in therapy: pharmacological and talk since 2008. My depression tends to ebb and flow, however I have been having suicidal thoughts since July, 2018. This is the longest that I have had such a depressive episode. I am finally receiving Botox treatment for my migraines. I have just started, so while I have seen some small changes, I am still fighting some sort of headache daily. My disease is not one that you can see, but it keeps me chained to my bedroom. I may not have an IV bag, nor tubes connected to my body, yet I always have to be in a dark room, with water next to me and something to cover my eyes. All of my medications, which there are a lot, are next to my bed. My migraines make me sick, so I often keep my head warm and eyes in the dark. On the rare occasions that I am able to go out with a friend, I have to take at least one, if not two Klonopin to halt the panic attack that I always get once I start to get ready. My poor mother has been paying for my psychiatrist and psychologist (I have been with them since 2008) once I lost my insurance. I have used all of my savings and cashed out every retirement plan that I had. I finally ran out of money in December, 2018.
I'm asking for financial help. The stress of not knowing if I can pay my bills makes the demons in my head go to very dark places. I am often up late crying as the voices in my head keep telling me to just take every pill next to my bed and be done with it. I may not have a tumor that is making me ill; I have demons that pounce when I am weak and with every setback, they take a little more of me. I want to keep fighting. I have a goal of running a nonprofit to help at-risk youth. It is called Forgotten Voices, Inc. I am halfway through the 501c3 paperwork; I've already paid for the filing fee at the federal level. I want to make my nonprofit a success. I want to help the at-risk youth that have a special place in my heart. I want to earn a living again. I want to escape my personal sickroom (bedroom) and meet new people who can help make my nonprofit a success. I want to shut down the voices in my head and try to be positive. I just want a chance. I want to live.
I have created a page on Facebook called Jessica's Journey. I started sharing my fight with depression with friends and family last summer. I made another post in December, once thoughts of suicide kept creeping in, and I have another essay that I will post tonight (February, 2019). I figure that if I am asking people to help me fight my illness, I should be transparent about what depression and migraines are doing to me. I appreciate anything, as I can stretch a dollar. In this case, it helps that I do not go out often. I love to read, foster kittens, and mentor my students from years ago.
I just wanted to say thank you again for taking the time to read about my campaign. I have not put a dollar amount down as I have no idea what my life is worth, so I leave that to fate.