Our names are Nathan and Tonya Tumey. We are high school sweethearts, who began dating in 1998. We were married on August 18, 2001. My husband joined the Army in 2003 and we have traveled the world. We've had a lot of changes in our lives due to the Army, but the one thing that has never changed is our desire to have a family. We have had two miscarriages. Our first miscarriage was right after we were married. While we were sad that it happened, it seemed that we still had all the time in the world to try again. The second one happened in 2010. We had just moved from South Korea to Alaska. I have a history of kidney stones and started having bad cramps and pain, which lead us to the emergency room. While there the doctor told me I was pregnant. At this point we had been trying for 5 years and it took us by surprise. It was the best news we had ever heard. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which made it all the more shocking. I was terrified that my pain was related to the pregnancy but the doctor assured me that she thought it was just another kidney stone. A couple of days went by, I woke up and saw that I was spotting. I went to the emergency room and was eventually told that we were miscarrying. I was 6 weeks pregnant and I lost our baby. I cried hysterically while my husband cried holding me. At the hospital they play a lullaby when a baby is born. I had just miscarried and had to listen to the lullaby as they did their pelvic exam and explained what I would go through at home for the next few days. I was devastated, hysterically crying, watching my husband and feeling as though I failed him. I began wondering what I had done wrong. When we saw the OBGYN, she told me my progesterone level was the cause of my miscarriage. I was told that once I am pregnant again I would need to take progesterone for the first trimester and should be fine. It is now 2013 and we have yet to conceive again. I have lost 72 pounds, I have done everything I should do to prepare for conception. I have also been told that IVF would be a great option for me, but could very well be my only option.
I am 32 years old, my husband is 31. While we are aware that this is not old by any means, for a woman to conceive, time is running out. My husband had a herniated disk repair that re-herniated a month later. He was referred to another surgeon who decided to do a spinal fusion after she saw that his disc was slipping. Before performing the fusion, she saw a huge cyst and a lot of scar tissue. A 3 hour surgery turned into 8 hours. It has been months and we have found out that only one side is fusing. We are told that he will need another surgery soon. In the Army he has also had 4 inguinal hernias, an MCL meniscus repair, and a hydrocelectomy. After all of this and 11 years of service in the Army, he is now being medically retired and considered a disable veteran. Certain military hospitals will do IVF at cost for $5,000.00. With the hospitals located around the country, the transportation to and from the hospitals, hotels, food, etc. can add up quickly which could nearly double this total cost.
After 8 years of trying on our own, we have decided that IVF is our best option at this point. With Nathan's injuries, he is unable to walk without a cane, unable to bend over, and is in excruciating pain. With his injuries and me having PCOS, traditional conception has never been more difficult. We are both hard workers and have done the best we could, but we are putting our pride aside and reaching out to family, friends, and even strangers to help us fulfill our dream. Having a baby has always been apart of our plan. When I was a child I had a doll named Candy that I took everywhere I went. I remember thinking that when I grew up I would marry an amazing man and we would have a child together. I grew up, I found that man, and now I missing our child. Empty arms have never been so heavy. I never once thought that not having a child was even an option. I am an only child and my parents only hope at having a grandchild. Sometimes I wished that they would have had another child so that they could be the amazing grandparents that I know they could be. The worst part of this all is knowing that I am mainly the problem. I look at my husband and feel as though I have failed him. I feel as though I am not a woman, because women do this everyday. The greatest gift I could ever give him is his son or daughter and I just can't on my own. I know that there are people who are unable to donate money, but there are those who can spread the word for us. We aren't asking anyone to donate if they can't. We aren't asking for large amounts of money. All we are asking is for you to help us. Asking for help isn't easy for us. We are the type of people who work hard to have the things we have and to take care of each other. We have done that for years and now and its time for us to ask for help. We are best friends, husband and wife, parents to two dogs, we are a son and a daughter to amazing parents, and we are ready to be mother and father.