I am taking a huge risk with this campaign and I am scared.
But my children and I are in danger and in need of help.
After posting this campaign a few minutes ago, I actually posted an urgent update as I received a new message regarding this case. The details are on the "Update" section, however, this is my story...
A second child of mine has just been hospitalized for suicide thoughts and cutting, stating that the fears of the children's abusive father is too overwhelming. The same thing happened 2 years ago with an older sibling, whose body is now maimed for life because of severe cutting. If I had not found the suicide notes and plans in time, I would have had to bury that child. As I write that statement, it is so shocking to me that this is our life right now. The notes that I had found included statements such as "I can't deal with my father without taking it out on myself behind a locked bathroom door" and "He makes me want to kill myself on the railroad tracks".
A Family Court Judge has threatened me with sanctions for Custodial Interference if I do not bring the children for visitation despite the fact that the original Judge has stated for the record that this is one of the most extreme cases of domestic violence that ever marched through his courtroom.
It is very important that I protect the identity of our abuser.
I have spent tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees during the past several years, fighting against lies in Family Court as well as fighting for protection for the children. As I could no longer keep up with those legal expenses, I have had to represent myself for the past 2 years and I have evidence showing how my ex-husband's attorney is essentially eating me alive with his unethical and overly-aggressive tactics. The profile photo attached to this campaign is a photo of me walking up the steps on one of my unsuccessful trips to a courthouse seeking protection.
A Federal Agent recently advised me that there is some sort of corruption in my case, and it was suggested that I obtain a lawyer again as soon as possible. I was given a referral for several attorneys, but I am simply out of funds to pay their fees.
The only individual who can help us at all right now is a Custody Evaluator who has been ordered to evaluate our situation and make a recommendation to Family Court.
I already paid the original Retainer Fee, which totalled approximately $11,000.00, however, the Evaluator now requires a final payment before the report can be completed. The current requested amount is $8,720.00 USD. I have attached a copy of a chart sent to me by the Evaluator outlining the projected balance due immediately, as well as a copy of an email stating that the completion of the report is contigent upon my being able to pay the outstanding fees.
I have submitted over 160 emails of documentation for the Evaluator to examine and I am hopeful that all of my evidence has painted a clear picture of the history of abuse that has affected the children so much and that these children need to be protected.
However, if I am unable to make the required payment, then the Evaluator will not be able to complete the report, and I will also be sanctioned in Family Court for "Contempt Of Court", as this evaluation has been Court-Ordered.
My ex-husband's attorney just threatened me yesterday about being in contempt of court for not being able to make the payment to the Evaluator for the completion of the report. (I face legal threats from my ex-husband and his attorney on an ongoing basis.)
I hope to raise enough funds within the next few days to make the required payment so that the Evaluator can complete and release the report that will hopefully aid in getting protection for the children. As I mentioned, the outstanding amount required is $8,720.00.
Once the report is completed, I am going to be required to hire my attorney back again because my evidence shows a pattern of being ambushed in Family Court since I have had to represent myself without an attorney.
My children are literally in "life or death" situations. My 12 year old child currently says "I will kill myself if I have to go with Daddy. I will hang myself from the ceiling." But the father is aggressively pursuing taking the children from me as he invents lies to present to Family Court.
It is imperative that I am able to hire my attorney again so that the children get the best representation possible. As a victim myself, it has been difficult to also act as my own lawyer because when I am faced with my abuser and his aggressive attorney, I experience heightened anxiety as I am constantly re-traumatized. The genesis of this domestic violence case will be outlined below, which will shed some light as to how I am constantly forced to deal with trauma.
In order for me to hire an attorney again, I must first pay off the balance that has been owing, which is $7747.87 (before interest). I have attached a copy of the attorney's invoice, and also a copy of an email requesting payment for the past-due balance, which I have been unable to pay off, after having to spend so many tens of thousands of dollars already.
Once I am hopefully able to pay the attorney the outstanding balance of $7747.87 USD, I will have to pay a new retainer fee of approximately $7,000.00 USD to be able to help me in Family Court once the Evaluator releases the Child Custody report, and that is only if I can pay the outstanding $8,720.00 to have the report released at all.
This is why I am hoping to raise at lease $23,400 USD as soon as possible with this campaign.
(I would also like to be able to raise additional funds to help recover the funds already lost to so many unnecessary legal fees, and to pay off the credit balances for the initial $11,000 that was paid to the Evaluator at the beginning of the case, but the most urgent amount needed right now is the $8,720.00)
This is not a regular Custody Case. I don't even know how their father can try to take custody back from me because I received full custody in the beginning in exchange for his non-custodial probation sentence for his violent sexual assaults and trying to kill me the day he was arrested and taken from our home by police. However, Family Court allowed the father to submit a new custody case, and if the fees for the Court-Ordered Evaluation are not paid, then I am at risk of being sanctioned for Contempt of Court. This is how so many victims lose custody of the children to their abusers, as they are unable to come up with court-ordered fees that are simply unattainable.
As mentioned before, this custody case is literally a matter of Life or Death.
All of the counsellors involved, as well as the doctors at the hospital have documented that my child states clearly, "If I have to go with Daddy I will kill myself."
And no matter what happens, I have to constantly look over my shoulder because of the existing threats on my life by my ex-husband. He is angry that he did not succeed when he tried to kill me and get away with it by making it look like an accident or a suicide. That was his original plan...but I was able to call for help before he was able to finish the job...
Our story is quite layered and complicated and scary, but if you are interested in knowing more, a little background is as follows:
I survived brutal rapes and an attempted murder a few years ago after enduring more than 10 years of domestic violence.
I found out the hard way that the most dangerous time for a victim is when she tries to leave her abuser.
I need to share my story with others so that all victims in similar situations will be aware of all of the tragic events that can take place if they leave their abusers with whom they have children.
My story used to be about what I have suffered over the years, but it has recently become about how my children are being harmed by their father; the man who ended up being my violent rapist who tried to kill me.
One of the most horrific parts of my story so far is that my oldest child was engaging in severe self-harm and had actually planned a suicide, stating that it was because of the father's abusive behaviour, and then 2 younger siblings followed down the same path.
My oldest child's body is now maimed for life from severe cutting...and if I had not found the suicide notes and detailed plans in time, I would have had to bury this child...I can never get through saying or writing those words without my insides turning upside down and tears welling up in my eyes...
My second-oldest child is also suffering, being taken back and forth to the Mental Health Unit with anxiety and breakdowns, having flashbacks of the abuse from her father.
Now, a 3rd child is cutting, and stating "If I have to go with Daddy I will kill myself".
I would have had to bury the first child already if I had not found those notes, all because of dangerous unethical attorneys who manipulate Family Court Laws and are able to take away the rights of victims and children, keeping them in danger of their abusers.
With 8 felony indictments, my abuser was facing 10 years in prison, but an criminal plea deal allowed for a non-custodial sentence and I was allowed to leave the country with the children.
He was placed on probation as a Sex Offender.
He was not actually indicted on attempted murder, but he did confess to the violent rapes and threatening what he was going to do to me once he made me physically suffer enough to his liking first.
I have included images with this campaign, showing a portion of the Grand Jury Indictments, but for safety reasons, the identifying details had to be redacted.
Two of his eight indictments were for Terroristic Threats.
The reality is, as he was torturing me, he was describing how he was going to kill me eventually that day and make it look like an accident or a suicide.
Most of my injuries are internal because he was trying to not leave marks on my body so that he would not be a suspect in the murder he was attempting and planning to get away with.
The detective told me I was very lucky to get to a phone when I did. He verified with my parents that my abuser's next step that day was to kill me.
I did not know that his attorneys were going to be able to manipulate things in Family Court to end up forcing me to bring the children back to that country every 3 weeks for visitation, and I had no idea how much the children were going to be harmed by the man who turned into my rapist who tried to kill me.
My children and I are in danger of our abuser, and after spending close to 200 thousand dollars in legal fees fighting his ongoing abuse through Family Courts for the past few years, I am completely drained financially and in need of help to raise additional funds to continue to fight for the protection that my children and I need.
My abuser's attorney is an ex-Judge, and I have been on my own, having to represent myself for the past 2 years.
Being up against an extremely aggressive and unethical adversary, my case has taken a few rather dangerous turns, and I have even been sanctioned a few times for things that I could prove that I was not guilty of. My documented evidence was ignored several times and my abuser and his attorney were believed instead.
As I have been continuously reaching out for help and support, I recently ended up in conversation with a Federal Agent, and I was told that there is obviously corruption in my case. I was referred to a special attorney who handles these types of situations, however, as I have explained, I have already exhausted all funds and I have no way to make payments for a new attorney.
I have to be very careful not to reveal my abuser's identity in any way because of how on the day I survived the rapes and attempted murder, he was threatening that he wanted me to suffer physically as much as possible before taking my last breath. I am afraid to enrage him any further. He has threatened that he already has a target on my back, and if he finds out that I am reaching out for help and telling my story, I am afraid of how much he will add to the punishment that he is already planning.
I have substantial evidence that proves the father has been causing harm to the children, including Hospital records and reports from Child Protection Services, however, my case involves 2 separate countries which contributes to my children's inability to receive proper protection because of jurisdiction issues.
Anyone who touches my case comments on how they have never seen a case so rare and so layered as mine is.
The original Judge stated for the record that my case was one of the more extreme and egregious cases of domestic violence that had marched through his courtroom.
The father's Legal Parental Rights are interfering with the rights of the children, not to mention, interfering with MY rights as a victim of multiple brutal rapes and attempted murder.
Hospital records prove how the father is guilty of medical neglect of a child as he abused his legal rights and interfered with necessary medical treatment, causing the child to suffer severe physical pain, as well as psychological damage. I have an extensive file outlining the entire truth that exposes just how cruel the father has been to the children, and how his abuse of his legal rights have actually put the children's lives at risk.
There is an audio file showing how our abuser actually laughed a cruel-sounding laugh, 4 separate times, as our young child was crying to him, begging for the consent that was required for our child to get necessary medical treatment at the time, so that this child could stop being in so much pain with a medical condition that had been diagnosed by the Hospital.
The audio file also shows how our abuser was angry at this child, and my other children who were there trying to speak up about the pain they saw their little brother in. Their father accused them all of lying about the child's pain, accusing them of being put up to something.
The father insisted that I was putting the children up to lying about one child's suffering, despite the multiple Hospital diagnosis that were submitted. Instead of acknowledging the medical records that proved how the child was in severe pain and in need of treatment, the abuser then started to accuse me of forging Hospital records.
This is how far abusers go.
They do not care about their own children.
The whole heartbreaking file regarding this particular situation reveals exactly how cruel these abusers are, and how they are capable of watching their own children suffer.
The Hospital lawyers ended up getting involved at the time, and I had to fight the abuser's blatant lies in Family Court in order to get the medical treatment necessary to save our child.
It was so horrifying to watch how an aggressive attorney and the abusive father presented clear perjury to Family Court which resulted in the Judge cancelling the child's necessary surgery. The father was able to get in the way of our child's medical needs. His legal rights were preventing the Hospital from taking action to treat our child, and my other children and I had to just watch this child suffer for 2 additional months while I fought for Family Court to examine the facts and allow for the treatment.
The Court documented for the record that the father delayed the child's necessary treatment after I re-submitted all of the evidence of perjury and begged the Judge to examine everything carefully again, but that was as far as the father was reprimanded. Words on a piece of paper mean nothing. The abuser once again got away with his dangerous behaviour that harmed this child.
I thought it would be common sense at that point to have the father's joint legal rights over the children given fully back to me, since the whole file documented how the father abused his rights and caused harm to this child, however, I am still fighting for protection in that regard.
Meanwhile, this child is now super-traumatized and he breaks down crying with anxiety and fear every time he gets a sore throat or some kind of ailment. He fears that if he gets sick again and needs some kind of medical help, his father will be angry with him and will cruelly laugh at him again and not allow him to get treated.
This child suffered severely every day in excruciating pain while I fought our abuser's lies in Family Court, fighting to allow the medical treatment that was going to take him out of his misery and heal the problem.
The school teacher called me recently, that this child broke down in school crying really hard for more than 20 minutes, using a whole box of tissues. The teacher told me she did not understand at all why my child was in so much distress, telling me that when he could finally manage to speak some words, he was saying that he was afraid of his father finding out he had a sore throat that day. This child is triggered now, whenever he feels any kind of physical discomfort, as he remembers the excruciating pain his father forced him to endure before when he would not allow him to get the treatment he needed, forcing him to endure so much pain for so long.
This is the same child who now has just been hospitalized for being suicidal, stating that it is because of the father. The fears of the father are so overwhelming that cutting and suicide are what the child is now turning to.
This is one example of what our abuser has done to yet another child, and this is what I need help with to beg Family Court to allow for the necessary protection.
I feel like I have been living in a twilight zone, and as I tell the layers of my story to others, they become more and more in awe of just how dangerous my situation is, especially with the corruption that I can prove is taking place behind the scenes.
A Criminal Court recently protected us, albeit temporarily, when my abuser was finally charged with violations of the restraining order that he had been getting away with for 6 years because of an out-of-jurisdiction technicality. He posted bail when he was first arrested, but then he violated again right away. He also violated his bail conditions that were set by the Criminal Judge. This is the kind of behaviour that scares me because of how he has no regard for the law and he gets away with so many things.
He was arrested again, and then sent to jail. Part of his bail conditions were that he was to have no contact with the children.
I thought we were going to be safe then, but I was wrong.
While he was in jail, his attorney (the ex-Judge) ran to Court seeking sanctions against me for reporting the violations. In Court, he expressed anger over the fact that I had travelled from my country to his country to "throw" his client in jail, as he continued to hurl other false accusations at me that I was in contempt of several court orders, all of which I had proof that I was not guilty of. The Family Court Judge visibly shared the adversary's hostility towards me for having "thrown" my abuser in jail, and I was sanctioned with a separate "Order" that, on record, makes me appear as an uncooperative litigant. I tried to speak up about the documented proof I had to show that I was not in contempt of those orders, however, I was not afforded the opportunity to speak, and thus was not able to present the truth.
The video and audio transcripts of the Court Hearing that day show exactly what I am describing and I hope to obtain copies of those files soon.
I did not understand how a Judge and an Attorney/Ex-Judge could both be so angry at me for "throwing" my abuser in jail. All I did was report my abuser's violations. The Prosecutor's Office authorized the charges to be laid, and a Criminal Judge issued the arrest warrants. My abuser is the one who got arrested, then violated again, and violated his bail conditions, which resulted in Police taking him to jail. I do not understand how I then was pulled into Family Court and chastized for "throwing" him in jail. I don't have the power to just "throw" people in jail.
That was just another example of a "Twilight Zone" episode of my layered story.
It was obvious to me that there had already been a decision made against me in retaliation for having reported my abuser's violations that landed him in jail.
Weeks later, my abuser was released from jail, he got access to the children again, and then he took them out of the country for the second time, against court orders, and I had no idea where the children were.
I have had the fear that he will follow through with one of his old threats to me that he could take the children back to his country of birth and I would never see them again.
My prior attorney made sure that the Court Orders stated he was NOT to take them out of the country, however, he doesn't follow orders and he gets away with it.
He brought them back about one week later, but this is his way of showing me how he is above the law and nobody can tell him what to do. This is also his way of threatening me that he is planning to take the children and not return.
The Family Court Judge does not sanction him for his proven violations, and I don't understand it.
He has tested the waters twice thus far, and has taken them out of the country twice on what I know are his trial runs.
This is his documented pattern...He violates certain types of orders a little at a time before making his final move.
Foreign Affairs have a file open for my case, and they have concerns that he is planning an international abduction, as he was born on the other side of the world, and has family there.
Unfortunately, Foreign Affairs cannot do anything to help prevent an abduction; they can't take any action unless/until something happens.
I don't want to wait for something to happen. I need help to fight for protection before it's too late. I don't want to end up being another statistic and I don't want any further tragic consequences for my children.
The fact is, even if a child is abducted to a country that has signed with the Hague Convention, many of these countries, including the country that the father comes from, are known to be run by corrupt governments and thus, chances of ever seeing the children again are slim. Although they may be signatory countries, they are known to not cooperate with authorities in these cases.
I will be explaining the entire history of his case to anyone who would like to know my story, and I will be providing all of the related documentation but my efforts right now have to be on getting the protection that I need for myself and the children.
I need to raise enough funds to pay the outstanding funds that are still owing to my prior attorney and then have enough funds to continue to pay for ongoing legal help as well as the court-ordered evaluator.
I have such extensive documentation that the bills will be adding up quickly in the tens of thousands.
I have approximately 19 years worth of true stories to share, and my story becomes more and more dangerous as time goes by.
Outside of Family Court, I have experienced many situations where my fears are validated. Police Officers, Detectives, Federal Agents, Foreign Affairs, Domestic Violence Advocates, etc, all see the dangers in my case, but they have no authority to help me protect the children from Family Court Orders that are keeping us in danger.
Recently, when I was preparing to travel back to his country to report the violations, I reached out to the local Domestic Violence Shelter to ask if I could avail of their services for protection while staying in the area. To my complete shock, the Shelter had to decline my request for protection because they told me that my case was considered TOO DANGEROUS.
They explained that they could not offer me protection in their shelter because my situation with my abuser was so dangerous that if I were to stay there, I would be putting the other victims at risk.
Again, another "Twilight Zone" moment. I am a Domestic Violence Victim, but the Domestic Violence Shelter could not help protect me because my Domestic Violence case is considered TOO DANGEROUS for them.
So many things in my case may sound bizarre, but please know that along with everything I state, there is documentation of proof.
I hope to get through this ordeal safely and then work to establish my own Non-Profit Organization to offer help to other victims in similar situations.
I also want to lobby to have some laws changed so that there are better protections for victims and children in cases like these.
I am in a situation right now where Child Services in my country have threatened me that they will come after me for Failure to Protect if I send my children to their father for visitation while knowing they are at risk of harm. However, at the same time, I am being threatened by Family Court in the country of jurisdiction that I will be sanctioned for Custodial Interference if I do not send the children for visitation, even though there is proof of harm. If I follow Family Court Orders and send the children, I am at risk of Child Services coming after me. If I satisfy Child Services and NOT send the children, then I am at risk of Family Court coming after me. Either way, I would lose the children, and they would go straight to our abuser where they would be at great risk.
It is scaring me to realize what both of my suicidal children have stated they would do to themselves in that case...
I am also afraid that if my abuser snaps, he is also capable of killing the children.
There is a document on file with Police where he wrote to me that he could kill all of us when he is stressed out - Me, the children, and himself.
I need to hire lawyers in both countries to try and get the protection that we need.
Once I get through this ordeal, I plan to tell my whole story so that others can learn from what has been happening to us. I need to warn and educate other victims of the dangers of unethical attorneys who represent the abusers in Family Court.
My story has so many layers, each one more bizarre and more dangerous that the last.
I will continue to describe each dangerous episode I have endured thus far, and will continue to update as the nightmarish story continues to unfold...(Video episodes will also be documented to be released)
Any help in funding this fight for protection would be so much appreciated.