I want my life back

I left school in 1993 full of hope and dreams. In 1997, i started getting pain in my pelvic area. I went from doctor to doctor and no one could find the problem until 2009 when my appendix had to be removed. It was then that they discovered I had endometriosis, Fibroids the size of golf balls and Carcinoid cancer. Being so sick for so long with no diagnosis is very emotional and trying for a person and when the doctors acknowledge your illness, you don't know whether to scream from frustration of waiting for so long or jump for joy. What followed is 7 operations for various issues and mediation that i have to take monthly for the remainder of my life.

By December 2009 - June 2010 I had had 3 operations and I had a nervous breakdown. I wouldn't leave the house for a month and it took a lot of patience and love from my husband to get me back on my feet.

Part of the treatment to prevent endometriosis spreading is to only have your periods every 3 months which I have done since 2009. In September of this year, my husband & decided that everything seemed to be calm health wise and this would be the year to have a baby. I then went off the pill.

I got my periods but I had Menorrhagia, which is when the bleeding is very heavy. I had to take off work at the end fo September and October due to the volume of bleeding and I felt that I was starting to dread the period. Never in my life did I ever have a problem with periods.

We then decided to see my Gynae to determine what was going on. She did a scan and we discussed my options. This Gynae has been with me since my initial diagnosis in 2009 and knows my full medical history.

It is in this appoinment that my world fell apart, as she advised us that it would not be wise for me to have a baby due to the state of my health and the accompanying depression. She said the risk for things to go wrong is just far too high.

I was hysterical, how could this be. How is it possible that my sister can have 4 kids, my brother 2 and me, who the family calls the heart of the family could have none. Why was I being robbed of the one thing i always dreamt of. I never wanted a lot of kids, just 1 or 2. Why, after all the operations was I left with this, nothing.

She told me that she could see the impact of all the operations on me in the sense that I just stopped looking after myself and that we could look at adoptions but that I needed to fix me first.

I went home very distraught and angry and over the next few days came to realise that she is right. 7 operations in a space of 7 years had taken their toll on me, emotionally and physically. The constant worry of your health, the money that gets poured into medical care its just too much.

2 weeks after this appoinment, I had my period and went to the Gynae as again the bleeding was too heavy. It was then we decided to do an endometrial ablation and I was in Surgery 3 days later.

In the last month i have really thought long and hard and realised that I want my life back. The person before 2009 and now are 2 different people. I have started going to Gym, doing more fun exercises, eating healthier and doing motivational reading. I have decided to focus the next year on me so that we can adopt.

Although there are more kids without parents, then parents without kids, the cost to adopt is more expensive then building a swimming pool. Up and above that, there are all the costs associated with raising a child.

Due to years of surgeries, doctors bills, medicine, MRI's, blood tests etc, I have been left in debt. The medical costs are high and there is no free medical here in South Africa. I have had a medical aid but haven't had the money to be on the primium version so only the basics have been covered and I have had to pay cash for the remainder of them. To see the Gynae for 1 appointment with a scan is more then the 1 weeks of groceries for 2 people. I am again sitting with heaps of medical bills and losing sleep. I am now at the point where my expenses are higher then my income.

I have decided to put this on here and maybe you can help. I want to get my life back, I believe that this was the last operation and that i have now gone full circle.

My goal is to change every part of me and be debt free or at the very least have some money left over every month and raise enough money to adopt and raise a child.

If you believe this is meant to be and do provide any assistance I would be very grateful.