I need help to heal

Hi there, my name is Kylie. I am a 32-year-old woman from Melbourne. For the past 2 years I have been visiting an oral specialist for a pre-malignant growth on the floor of my mouth. He warned me that if this growth decides to go rogue and turn to cancer I will only have 30% chance of living beyond 35 years of age. Mouth cancer is a nasty way to die.

There are two reasons why I have this growth, the first being that I was a smoker since a young age. I have quit smoking many times successfully but often fall back into it when I socialise with friends and family. I've tried everything from patches, gum, champix, e-cigarettes, quitting drinking and even shutting myself away from the world. Nothing keeps my focus and strength for long and I have become increasingly anxious and depressed since. I smoke very rarely, but unfortunately my anxiety kicks in and I have the odd cigarette now and then. I now average about 1-5 cigarettes per week, however it's just not good enough. My doctor said I must quit full stop.

Since being diagnosed, I've been to a spiritual healer named Lilly who cleanses my energy field and brings me back into alignment, but I slip backwards again within weeks, it's not profound enough for what I need. I've also been seeing a Psychologist named Amanda, she lets me talk for 50mins then in the last 10mins she sums up what I have been speaking about and what I should focus on. I find these sessions empowering but it’s really just a form of expressing and releasing my fears and depression with someone and not enough to keep me out of my perpetual anxiety, down feelings and depression. I need to do more work if I am going to live beyond a few years.

Last year, a friend of mine told me that she recently had heard of a healer from someone who had encountered him some years ago. He was retired, reclusive and living under the radar. We found the person who knew of him and eventually how to get in touch. I recently contacted him asking for help. he was reluctant to meet, but after telling him my story in detail and the possible outcome I pleaded for his assistance and he agreed to see me, his name is Costa. I told him all about my family, my Aboriginal heritage and my whole life in general, he told me that my inability to freely be myself, express myself, my Aboriginal heritage and spirit is the main and foremost reason for my pre-malignant growth.

Emotional pain and anger have disturbed my spirit and core foundation, manifesting into dark energy and with the emotional trauma of being Aboriginal within a white family that does not allow me to freely express my Aboriginal spirit have taken its toll on my physical being. He added that negative emotions have great consequences on our spiritual/physical being and health, and smoking from a young age only compounded my physical health and foundation.

He also shared a personal secret with me, that when he was young man, he was adopted by the Chief Elder of an Aboriginal community in the Northern Territory and has spent much time with Aboriginal people, he understands our troubles and plight. This in itself has been a turning point for me not only does he understand me as a woman, and as an Aboriginal, but also it is extremely rare for anyone to be adopted into an Aboriginal community, let alone by the Chief Elder.

Years of suppression and fighting in particular with my family, who have shut me down for expressing my truth and Aboriginal heritage have taken its toll on me, for being a fair skinned Aboriginal women. I have Aboriginal heritage from my father’s mother and I identify with that fact. Being ridiculed for this all my life by my white family and friends has been suppressing me and a source of great emotional and mental pain. For being a "weird" and "crazy" outside of the box individual. I look for a deeper meaning to life, to know myself, to colour outside the lines. I have been made to feel ashamed of the person I am. They don’t understand the seriousness of my situation, they continue to watch me self-destruct, even handing me cigarettes to smoke when I visit. If I had a child with my sickness I would do everything in my power to help them, not exacerbate the problem. They get angry at me for calling out their bigoted behaviour, but not when I smoke. It’s a sad reality to wake up to but I'm ready to fight to live.

I need help to heal, I thought I could rely on family and friends to help but I cannot, there is only me and I need help. Costa is teaching me that illness and death is not an option, and to stop being scared of life and be the Aboriginal that I am and be proud of it. He will teach me what I need to do to heal and is really the only life line I have left for survival. His fees are beyond my financial abilities but the things he has told me have hit home in a way I never understood or thought possible. I want to live; I want to have a good life. Although I have a job now, I am $9,000 in debt for school fees which I dropped out of due to the stress of my health, and am struggling to pay it off. I can’t afford sessions with him so here I am asking for help in the form of financial assistance, so I can heal. So I can pay Costa along with my oral specialist.

I believe I have a lot to offer humanity, I want live through this. I don’t want to die, I'm 32 years old, I want to experience life, to travel the world, to help people heal just as I am healed. I am a good soul with a compassionate heart and if I receive the teachings that Costa could give me I will be helping people I meet in my everyday life; this makes the world a better one.