I need help for the 1st time in my life

I really see no way out so thought I'd try this route......

15 years ago I met my partner. Unfortunately at the time he was going through financial difficulties and needed help to save his house.

At the time I didn't even have a credit card but wanted to help him so took out a loan (on the understanding that it would be repaid).

We moved into his house, at 1st everything was OK.

Then his true colours began to emerge. He was a heavy drinker, a recreational drug taker and a bully.

His drinking meant that at times he wouldn't go to work (be so hung over that he'd just not turn up). This meant he was sacked from every job he got.

In the meantime I was left with picking up the pieces. I had to pay the bills and mortgage (despite my name not being on it) and became so mixed up in this daily battle that I was left with serious debts totalling in the thousands.

He promised he would pay me back - he didn't.

The joint bank account that we held to pay bills was used by him to withdraw money making the account overdrawn. Because both of our names were on it I was also held responsible for it and the bank decided that the best way to retrieve the money was to take it from my own bank account held with them.

After years of this pattern and further debt - along with abuse at the hands of an alcoholic, I finally plucked up the courage to leave him.

Now I find myself in an impossible situation.

My job means that I cannot voluntarily go into things like bankruptcy/debt plans. I juggle the repayments of cards / loans and see no way out.

My family aren't aware of the situation and would not be able to help even if they wanted to.

I'm left with regrets and so much debt that I sometimes feel the only way out is to kill myself so that I don't have to worry about it anymore.

I've never felt so alone or helpless.

I've never asked anyone for anything - I've always given which has resulted in this mess.

My advice would be never to take out loans / credit cards for someone else, if I had never met this man I would not be where I am today.

If any of you are able to help in anyway I would be eternally grateful. It may be that one day my debts are cleared and I am able to move on with my life and make it into something happy and positive.

Thank you for your time