Well I don't!....... I'm sorry for implying an elevated tone. That wasn't right.
I should probably start over....
My name is Nathan. (If you would, please picture me waving.)
I am 34 years old. , despite my claims of cullinary greatness (sigh), did not invent the "Poptart".
Nope. I am just a man. A man with a dream. A stupid dream.... but hey, it's the only one I got.
I have been told, by those who dare care about me, that I might have a "talent". At first I was scared. Scared and sexy. A scarily sexy guy who might be able ,to occasionaly, make people laugh....... This, despite my irresponsible usage of appropriate punctuation. The idea of which, makes me happier than anybody could imagine.
My professional history has been mildly interesting yet ultimately, useless. It includes: a few years performing as a ""knight" in a dinner show. Travelling as what would contemporarily, be refered to as a "carnie". Then shit got really weird and I wound up as a Corrections Officer. (for 5 years!)
Anywho... Lately, I have been enjoying all the trappings of a career in "scrapping misc ethnic food stuffs off the plates of a local Mexican eatery. Now, I don't want to seem ungrateful that my usual scent of dandruff shampoo and failure is now suplemented with that of salsa and something called "cumin?". However, this is not what I want to do.
My dream is to write. Write what you say? Well.... I like making people laugh. Those in my life have been hounding me to pursue the only aspect of myself that remotely resembles a "skill". So I finally realized, "hey, I already know a bunch of words", most of which I can use and often even spell! The problem? I do not now, nor have I ever had a computer on which to write down my particular brand of whimsical musings as filtered through my ADHD, PTSD, and forever Down with OPP brain. (That was just stupid, how we're still friends) Now you, being the intelligent person and snappy dresser that you are, you appropriately wondering how I am writing this. The answer is I am on a library computer, at a table with 4 others. All of which have, apparently, just farted. Simply, it's not quite an ideal venue for the creative process. Also I only get an hour online before somebody kicks me off because someone rumored there is a new cat video somewhere on the internet that is just pant shittingly cute.
So, you now have all the information required to make a responsible decission. And as badly as I want a chance to be good at something I love doing..... Hell, I don't know what else to say. If nothing else, I can atleast show my girlfriend and all those who dare care for me, that I put this out there.
*800 is probably more than I need. So anything beyond will likely be spent in an irresponsible manner. I might even have my kids compete for it as a hollow gesture of my approval and parental affections.