*Go Get Funding Campaign Created 11 12 16*
My name is Hitachi Baylou and I am a 24 year old Model, Writer, Campaign Creator, Advocate and then some from London. I am Asian/Caribbean descent and Bisexual.
I write about my life biographically and release it online, as well do life/inspirational quotes. I created my very own anti abuse campaign in late 2014 *See photo used*. My campaign is for all genders (Including Non-Binary) and all sexualities. So far My campaign has been featured in a TV interview, that I had done in August 2015. During this interview I had raised awareness on mental health issues like depression, OCD, PTSD and my personal associations with each. It was also featured in some online newspapers during July 2015 and was in some flyers around my local area. I fund my own campaign, but can only do so much as I am currently on benefits. I don't want to be, but am not allowed to work in a normal job surrounding because of my mental health issues. I have severe depression and it had gotten the worst it's ever been during 2015, when I had two close calls in possibly ending my life. On one of these occasions somebody had called the police and they came to kick open my door. The police were quite patronizing and in some ways made the situation feel worse. I still have something on my front door that shows it is in need of repair.
I am with a housing association and when they had been informed of these events, they were very insensitive. For things like repairs I would have to go to my housing association and nobody has attempted to contact me in regards to fixing my front door. My front door's current state, can potentially make it easy for somebody to gain access. The door incident happened in the middle of 2015 and it is now November 2016. I am also the only house within my housing association without central heating and because I don't use gas (cannot afford it), I also have no hot water. This cold environment and on top of that cold water has been quite harmful to my health. My shower is electric so for that I am able to wash in hot or warm water, but it often goes cold whilst I am showering.
I also have PTSD which I developed in 2014, due to being molested by my grandmother (it had been going on for a while, but it was an incident that happened at age 20 that made me realise and then affected me hugely) and have had OCD since age 18.
PTSD stands for post traumatic stress disorder and for me involves flashbacks of my trauma, sometimes nightmares of the trauma, paranoia and loss of sleep. OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder and can revolve around a numerous set of things, to any small or big degree. My OCD involves constant thoughts of something tragic happening to myself or somebody else if I get close to them, throwing away a toothbrush after each use, checking my front door a numerous of times, washing my hands until cracks form, being afraid to look in the mirror & think negative thoughts at the same time (in the fear that it may jinx me) to things like washing off each of the packaging of my groceries. The list really can go on.
I do have my career, but modelling is not everyday and I only rarely do modelling work now. Its been a long while since I have done paid modelling work now. I am now more so focused on the things that come from the very core of me, like my campaign and my writing. I am in the process of trying to write an e book for you all to read. This book would be focused on the subject of my life and its abundant, disturbing yet magical events. I am trying to do this book, but my laptop's "microsoft word" has expired and I cannot afford to buy a new subscription. Microsoft word would be a better programme for me to use, as things like wordpad do not have a spell checker or the things necessary for such a project. I would also like to start making professional videos showing people what to and what not to do in abusive situations.
I was put off of work a while ago and get paid just below £100 every two weeks. With that money I have to buy food, electricity, pay water bills, internet bill, phone credit, travel fair, do laundry and pay for a tutor. This money barely supports me and won't help for me to raise awareness for my cause. I am very passionate about my campaign and the thank you messages that I get from young girls/boys for my creating it. It doesn't matter what age, size, build, gender, background, ethnicity or complexion the person is - as abuse does not descriminate.
A while ago I discovered that I have an immense love and passion for dance. I have experience in performing arts training, but am self-taught dancer. I have previously taught dance one on one (professionally). I would like to be able to get more income by starting my own dance classes. I would teach a class of multiples, whilst still offering one on one sessions. My dance classes would not only be about dance, but being able to find a new found confidence throughout dancing in my class. To be able to do this I would need to book a permanent dance space for my classes and cannot afford this. I am trying my hardest to stay fulfilled but nowadays I have become a recluse. My PTSD is also getting worse. I am very paranoid and when I am outside hearing laughing, I tend to feel like they are laughing at me. I often turn around to check and although that isn't the case, its hard being able to tell your mentally unstable mind that. People may assume from my young looks, that I am still at home with parents or from my pretty smiling face that I am happy. But the fact is I am not to be taken as surface value and am so much more than I appear to be.
I also collapsed twice at the beginning of this year, due to lack of eating and not being able to afford enough food. The first time was 10th January and the second was some time in February.
I would like to be able to have the funds to:
- Expand my campaign into souvenirs
- I would also like to have campaign flyers distribuated around different parts of London
- Advertise my campaign and have it displayed on at least two bus stop stands
- And to be able to have the equipment
to make professional videos, advising people in abusive surroundings and situations. As well as share my stories on my personal experiences with mental health, trauma and give advice in general.
- Repair my front door
- Buy food storage to prevent constantly running out of food and being stranded which I often am
- Have heating installed in the house
- Booking the space to start my own dance classes
I feel that I have so much to offer people, as I can relate to several issues and topics that are a huge part of everyday suffering for some people. Too much is hidden and not enough is spoken out. I believe in justice, I believe important subjects should be raised and not shunned.
My being able to resonate with people, can range from: my not knowing how to identify with my sexuality, I can relate to suicidal thoughts/tendencies, I can relate to self harm, I can relate to independence from a young age, I can relate to abandonment, I can relate to loneliness, I can relate to mental health problems, I can relate to emotional instability, I can relate to being passionate, I can relate to being a strong woman, I can relate to having no family, I can relate to being of mixed descent and have people label you with what they see fit instead, I can relate to being immensely afraid and the list really does go on.
REASONS for my creating the campaign and my story:
I ran away at 17 and got my own house at 18. Growing up my mother was very abusive and jealous of me. Jealousy from a mother to her child, is not as unusual as some may think it is. She would give me two black eyes at the same time, lock me in the garden, hide food, call me a prostitute because I got a lot of male attention, beat me til my skin went hot or habitually (by habit) drag me on the floor by my neck.
My uncle had feelings for me and has dragged me on the floor by my shoulders ( nothing sexual ). My grandmother had inappropriate feelings towards me and touched me up inappropriately, yes that's very disturbing I know. But that's a part of my reality!
I have had years of on / off depression since I was young, because of my mother. Developed PTSD in late 2014 because of my grandmother and have had OCD since age 18. Many people claim OCD, but have no idea what it actually means to have it. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and for me involves flashbacks, sometimes nightmares of the trauma, paranoia and loss of sleep.
I am very resistant, love myself very much and admire my strength. I no longer talk to any family nor even consider them "family". Just because they have that title, does not make their actions in mistreating you right or acceptable. Whether that be family, partner, friend or a colleague.
I have no problem sharing my story and love to inspire, please join my campaign. Oh and I don't really mention my father, as I find him so irrelevant but think I underestimated the bad impact he's had on me. Ex druggy, fraudster, ex convict, womanizer and even bragged to me as a child about him having had killed someone. When he was around he would teach us, not to tell "that girlfriend" about "that girlfriend". And you found he came around with motive and if he wanted you to be of use for something. He's dragged me on the floor once also.
P.s It would mean the world to me, if you believed in me and helped to make my vision a reality. I really want to be able to better myself and my circumstances. I have never been someone who just sits around and waits on life. I have always built for myself, but I need help sometimes. I really want for people to know that they are not alone and that I will always be on their side. My campaign will help me to be able to do that.
This campaign helps to give me more meaning and fuel in life. I want to feel like everything that I have been through has not been in vain and can be used as fuel to unite with others. I am hoping to reach my goal by March 24th 2017.
PERSONAL PAGE: FACEBOOK.COM/HITACHIBAYLOUMODEL