Hep me!

I need money.  Stuff costs money, and I hate spending mine.  I have to pay the mortgage company, and the electric company, and the phone company.  I even have to pay for water and insurance, because apparently we live in Russia.  I have an education (that I paid for) and I work, but I am extremely lazy.  Plus, I only have one kidney.  It doesn't affect my ability to work, but it's something to make you feel sad.  Plus, the other night, my wife's foot fell asleep for like 15 minutes.  15 minutes.  That's bullshit.  I need your money so I don't have to work anymore, or realistically, so I can keep working at my job which pays really well, but not have to spend my money.  It's not charity; I fully plan on telling you that I'll pay you back.   And I mean that.  So give me your money.  My autistic kids are counting on you.