My name is Veronica. I was born in the USSR, and my parents left to start a life in an another country when I was just three years old. Soon after, they separated, and I was left by my fater to live with my mother. We had no support from my father or anyone else.
My mother met a new man, and we both moved in to live with him, little did we know it would be the beginning of a way-too-long period of years of violence, pain, suffering and misery. Unfortunately, this man, who appeared to be very kind and loving in public, was actually the cruelest and meanest person behind closed doors.
I was separated from me mother to live a room built in the back yard of the house. I spent most of my time there while my mother, a young, naive and trusting person at the time, stayed in the main house.
The man we moved in with took advantage of my mother’s innocence and the fact she is alone with a little child, in a strange country, having no money, no support and not even the most basic knowledge of the local language, and forced her to become his “made”. She could not leave the house without his permission. She was also not allowed to open a bank account, but he did not give her any money or let her look for work in order to try and support us. She became fully dependent on him and he made everything he can to keep her as such.
As a part of his domination over my mother, she was not allowed to use any kind of contraception resulting in my mother being either pregnant or breastfeeding since their first month together, and every year to follow. Through the years they had seven children together and my mother also had two miscarriages. Also, my mother did not receive any medical care and support for most of her pregnancies.
Me and my new brothers and sisters suffered horrific emotional and physical violence by him. We were being hit with different objects, including leather belts, shoes, sticks and more. I can remember incidences of him chasing one of my brothers in the yard while lifting big and heavy building bricks and throwing them in his direction. I can also remember chairs and other heavy objects being thrown at us, but for the most horrible part was when I was sent to choose the belt I want to be hit with.
I also remember one time I was trying to hide from him between an open door and a wall. He figured out where I was, and slammed the door forcefully back against the wall, where I was hiding, and my nose and face started to bleed heavily. I was crying hysterically and ran to my mother for help, and the only thing she said I should not have caused him to get angry with me.
These are just a small fraction of the memories I have from my childhood.
I was lucky enough to leave this house just before I turned 18. I had hoped that since I was not a child any longer, I could move in to live with my father, since I wasn’t bonded to my mother anymore, from a legal point of view. I tried to contact him for help, but my father made it very clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Accepting him turning his back on me is one of the most painful parts of my life. Ever since then I am trying and struggling to build my own life in this big and lonely world. I am not doing so well since I came out of my childhood hell-house severely emotionally and mentally injured.
Lately, I was diagnosed with Complex post-traumatic stress disorder, major depression syndrome and I suffer from an eating disorder and anxiety attacks daily. I need to get professional help for those issues, but unfortunately, I can’t afford it.
I tried to get high education and enrolled to a university, but I couldn’t keep up with the pace of learning because I also had to work twelve-hour-a-day shifts for most of the time, just to have enough money to pay for rent, bills and basic needs.
This situation got me stuck in a loophole of having low paying jobs and not being able to get a degree or any kind of education in order to try and get accepted into better places of work.
I believe I can do so much better if only given a chance. I am an extremely hard working and dedicated person. I am a good worker and I try to do the best work possible in every place I go. I just cannot believe it's been more than a decade since I left my mother's house and i'm still struggling just as hard to leave my past behind. Nevertheless, I am still holding on the hope of building a new life for myself.
This year I enrolled into university again, and now I am studying for a B.Sc. in Biochemistry. I hope to do better this time. I am working extremely hard on balancing my work and school life. If I succeed, I will be able to move up the ranks in my current place of work in an IP Law office, and I hope I can make it happen this time.
I am starting this campaign because after all of those years of struggling alone, fighting and suffering, I would be incredibly grateful and extremely thankful to receive help from someone.
It would be life-changing for me if I could receive some assistance for my problems. Perhaps someine could consider me to be on their charity list for this year? I am very ashamed for asking and I really do not ask for much. I know there are so many people that are really struggling in life and need this help much more than I do, but I am still hoping to get to a point in life where I can overcome the issues that are dragging me down, and I just don’t seem to be able to get there on my own.
I would be happy and overjoyed if I could study without worrying for money. I also wish I can begin taking care of my emotional issues and start a process of healing. I am really hoping to get to a stage in life in which I can get a decent job, start a family, and look forward to the future in anticipation instead of fear.
Thank you for reading my story!
*** The cover photo was taken by me with a cell phone. My hobby is photography and this is my favorite photo. I hope one day I can get better and have time for hobbies.