I want a chance to raise my kids

When I had my first son and needed to go to work I cried for months every time I had to leave him. My husband had an accident, got fired beacuse he was not able to work so he stayed at home with him. In the mean time my husband got a job and we had a second son. He is 10 months now and soon I will have to go to work.

I have anxiety attacks every time I think about leaving them, I have nightmears for months now thinking about not beeing there for them. I want to cry all the time. They are my boys and they sleep with us, I never leave them, I don't do out partying, I love beeing with them and they are really attached to me. Every time I talk about going to work my older starts crying.

I know that we have to pay bills and everyone has to work, but I do not want to settle, I want a chance not to miss their lives. All I need is a year. One year of happiness.