There once was a girl named Kathleen. When she was 17 she had a child out of wedlock. It took Kat three days to come up with her name. But finally it came to me. A name I had never heard of before. Carrisa. Here full name Carrisa Hope. Why hope you ask because I hoped for her to have a better life. When she was 2 I met a man who was older than me, I quickly became pregnant again, this time with my first son, and if I am to be 100% I made the choice to stay with him (shotgun wedding style at a courthouse) because at the time I thought it was the only way to give my kids a better life. But 5 years later and another son had come before we were finally divorced.
I moved across country. Desperately trying to support my kids with the assistance and guidance of my mom. From the moment I moved out here I began to chance my life. I knew I needed to be able to support myself and my children before I could worry about a relation ship. So for years I stayed focus. Started college. Began work as a manager at a restaurant.
But then on February 14,2014 I got the news no daughter wants to hear. The doctors found tumors in my moms lungs. Now I already suffer from PTSD as well as anxiety so upon hear this I instantly had an attack but did my best to stay calm and supportive for her. Now as someone who worked in the medical field I knew she didn't have many years left maybe 2 if we were lucky. And over the next year and a half I stayed strong. I didn't cry. I held it all in and in doing so I pushed my PTSD and anxiety to full red line. I was to the point of hallucinating. But I wouldn't tell my mom. She needed to focus on staying as strong as she could for as long as she could.
Before my moms diagnoses I began talk to an old friend. I believe we had known each other for clothes to 4-5yrs before I finally agreed to pursue more than friendship with him on 12/31/2011. We have been happily together ever since. This man moved across the country for me. And when my mom got sick he was my rock. His shoulder is the one I cried on. And he is such an amazing man he even let's me scream and vent when I need to release my anger that she is gone. There are no words that can sum up how he makes me feel. It's like for tha second time I finally feel like I have a home again. There is no dought in my mind whom I will spend the rest of my amazing days filled with love, happin and joy!
One thing I didn't know until the day he proposed was before my mom took a turn for the worse he asked her if he had her blessing to ask me. When I found that out I burst into tears. Here is this amazing woman who for the first time in all my relationships she has not only approved of him but she blessed our union.
I have finally found the true love of my life, my soulmate, in this life and the next. And I really want a wedding to not only embrace out religion and heritage but to also honor my mother who can not be there in physical form and who I want more than anything to be a part of this ceremony in some form or fashion!!!!