Help me! What do i choose?, continue my Education or suicide!

Speaking about my personal life like that is the last thing I ever expected to do ..

Well, I confess I had tried every possible means before I wrote this; Lending, working and even working as a dustman to gain a bunch of money.

What can I say.!

What I never thought about is that I would need money to be able to continue my education

You're probably wondering who I am.

Tell you what! I'm one of 8 sons for a careless and selfish father. I can not forget when he slapped me on the face when I was kid just because I asked for money to get myself a juice. I remember his words: "go and earn some money" he said.and this is actually what happened, I've been working since I was 7 I tried even dangerous doctors for a kid like for example: electrician assistant, delivery guy and even in car washing

I will never forgive him.

He left me lost .. alone in this scary world and never bothered to give me a helping hand

Now it's time to get my dreams real by going to the university but I do not have enough money to do this

I'm really depressed and I lost so much weight because I do not want to eat

Honestly, I do not know why I wrote this, but I felt like it's the last thing I can do before I kill myself ...

I really hope that any one here can help me in order to continue my education.