So, well, hello there I guess :)
I don't really know how to start this and I had hoped that I would never have to ask strangers from across the world to help me but here I am.
My name is Aveas (yes it is changed because I'm too scared to write my real one). I turned 20 this year and I live in Europe, I wouldn't like to say exactly where. I'm very sorry for all the secrecy. My story starts at when I was born during wartime in the east, my parents decided to flee with my two elder siblings to Europe, which I'm very thankful for. I got there when I was 5 years old, here I got my education, friends and got raised with an different culture. My parents are very religous people so it was always hard to fit in somwhere. Everyday after school I had to be home and could only leave my room to do the dishes, clean something up or watch TV till my dad came home. I never went out with friends or even had any because of the little contact and also kids are very rude if you're not like them.
I nearly got beatings everyday even though I don't think I was doing wrong. I have nightmares of my dad's belt even now but that's going to pass someday, right? No matter what I did or said I wasn't enough for my parents. I was not pretty enough, not smart enough, not polite enough, just nothing enough. That would give me all the beatings or how my parents would call it "trying to raise you ungrateful child, we should have killed you long time ago".
I think it's save to say that I got depressed around when I was 11 years old? Around 15 my depression got really bad and I told my mom that I am sad of life and she laughed at me saying it's because I grew up here and I am not even worthy of saying I have it bad. To make it short, the older I got the worse my family baecame. My brother would have to go to my school during lunch breaks and watch what Im doing, my phone would get taken away for weeks or during vacatians, I couldn't make friends because they are "bad influence to the devil being inside of me already", my mom would pick me everyday after school and if I was being bratty or in period pain I would get such hard beatings that my parents would call school and tell them that I got the flu.
But at the age of 18 and a half I left with the help of some secret friends I had. I acted all normal as if I was going to school and just never came back. I went into another city where two of my highschool friends lived. I got a restraining order for them and lived in "peace". I was fucking scared of everything, paranoid of someone watching me and just afraid for my life. After 5 months I actually had my mother stand infront of my door. My paranoia wasn't for nothing after all. They hired a private detective and spied me for months. After talking through the door not opening it for an hour my mom went away and said they won't look for me again and I hope it stays like that. No mazter how much I miss having an family, that one wasn't it.
I tried to pay the rent to my friends but failed, i kept working my ass off to save every little penny. I'm still in debt of a few hundred to them and I need to move out soon. Right now I'm studying to become a pharmacist which i hopefully will end of next year but the money I get is barely enough to even get by. Now this is where it starts: (if you made it till here with the reading then thank you, if not it's okay too) I would like the money to firstly pay my debt off, have enough Key Money to move into a new flat with roomates (our contract ends with 1.December and we cant longer it), have a little bit on the side for emergencies and buy myself a wintercoat. When I left my parents i didn't take one single thing with me except the things I was wearing. Im also sorry for not being able to post a picture due to my paranoia. Thank you for any help I get.