Help me start a new life

Hello,
my name is Caroline and my story starts way back when I was just a kid who used to be bullied at school, I never really managed to fit in or live a happy life or make friendships that would last. Just when I turned 11 I thought that my life is going nowhere and started thinking about ending it. That's when my mother took me to see a therapist for the first time without even asking me what's wrong. I started taking pills in the order to get rid of my depressions, but it only made me feel worse.

When I started going to high school I was hoping for a change, but it turned worse than I expected, it was okay I still didn't fit in, but what wasn't okay were my bad eating habits that soon turned into anorexia, I kept this going for too long until I couldn't even lift myself up from my bed, weird that my mother hasn't seen that I was losing weight way earlier. I ended up in a hospital and it took many months to recover, but I've never fully recovered.

As years passed and I was growing up there were little happy moments in my life that always got followed by disappointments, I've given up on life again and again and kept feeling depressed, I isolated myself and my thoughts and wouldn't set a foot outside my apartment for months contemplating about suicide

followed by constant attempts and failures. I was scared to answer the phone when it rang and I couldn't even talk to my own family.

Desperate times called for desperate measures and I've decided to step out of my ''comfort zone'' and got back to taking pills, which was the worst decision of my life as it led to me eating all of them at once being ready to fall asleep forever, I laid in my bed with a plastic bed over my head and prayed to god I won't wake up the next morning, I started to feel how weak I was and I also started feeling sick and thinking that it was a bad idea, I couldn't hold it in anymore and crawled to the bathroom where I was getting rid of the pills I've eaten for the rest of the night without my mother having the slightest idea of what was happening with me while she was sleeping just across the hallway.

After this one attempt that failed terribly I've decided to just keep living my miserable life and somehow going through it as a person that's dead inside but actually alive. I had nothing to hold on to and nobody to rely on, it was just me whom I've hated my whole life.

Well I'm not gonna lie my life eventually turned to better, but it took a lot of work, I still have an eating disorder and will probably never overcome the emotional roller coaster I'm on, I still do hate myself but slightly less as I found somebody who cares, who understands my problems and lightens up my mood when I feel down and desperate.

After months of considerations I have decided to take a leap and move away from this country I've always hated, I want to start over and leave everything behind, all my past. I want to start building my future for the better being closer to this person whom I'd call the love of my life, even if it won't last forever I want to take the risk and move over.

This is why I am turning to you, even though I do have a job I can't afford moving to another country just like that and I wish I could make that happen as soon as possible, every cent counts, please help me start over!

Thank you for taking your time to read my story, I hope you're all going to have a nice day <3