I have been told to keep it punchy as people can get bored easily so here goes
1) My son is being abused by his mother
2) My son is not the only person my ex-wife has done this to
3) The Police have told me they believe my son is being abused but can do nothing. They have asked social services to investigate their suspicions but social services have refused
4) I need to save my son
If that is enough for you help great. If not please read below where I have detailed what has been going on.
I've been advised to walk away. Would you walk away when you know your child is being abused? It would be easy for me to walk away and just get on with my life. I'm newly married and could have more kids and just carry on with my life. As long as there is breath in my body I fight to save my son. Please tell me if you would do something different.
This is a bit of story but please keep with it as my son is being abused in the most horrible way and the authorities are doing nothing about it. The Police Child Abuse Investigation Team have reported their concerns to social services. My son is not dying of cancer or anything like that, however he is in a situation where he needs immediate help. If there was another way for me to do this I would, however I need to try to save my son as all the authorities are doing are wringing their hands and doing nothing. In our country parents can be arrested for having overweight children but to put mental images of rape and sexual abuse into a child goes unpunished. When you have read my story I would ask what would you do in this situation. If you would fight to save your child then I hope you will contribute even if it is with £1. I am not being melodramatic when I say I am fighting for the future of my son.
My name is Sam and I live in the UK. I have a son he is now 15 years of age (born 1998). I divorced from his mother in 2003. After we divorced I kept in regular contact with my son. As I lived close by to his mum I would have him every weekend and one night during the week. My son loved staying with me and I loved having him. Even when my ex-wife decided to go back to her own country I still kept in regular contact and went out there to spend time with him. My ex-wife came back in 2007 as she was pregnant and wanted to have her baby in the UK. I helped her and her new partner with settling in while my son came to stay with my partner (later to become my wife) and I during the week as I managed to get him a place at his old school, he would go back to his mum on the weekends. This situation continued for about 6 months until my ex found a permanent flat and we enrolled my son in a local school nearby.
In Nov 2008 I receieved a phone call from my ex-wife's close friend asking me to tell my ex to keep away from her daughters as she was trying to convince them that they had been raped by her parents and uncles when they were young girls. This was confirmed to me by one of the daughters, who told me that my ex was using seances and calling up spirits and speaking in tongues. I will be honest I didn't believe them, or maybe I did not want to believe them. When I spoke to my ex about it she asked me to speak to the other daughter. She told me that her parents did do this and that she had gone to the police to make a complaint. I believed her. I thought no one would lie about something like this. I was asked to take her to the police station, whereby the police took her to her family home in order to help her remove her possessions. She then went to stay with my ex.
Christmas 2009 was to be the last time I spent time with my son. I had negotiated 3 months beforehand for the time I would spend with him (my ex always played games over Christmas so I thought it better to get things sorted well beforehand). Christmas Eve came and I received a call telling me that she had changed her mind and that she wanted to keep my son on Christmas Day and Boxing Day and I could have him on the 27th December and I would need to bring him back on the 29th December. (we had agreed that this year I could have him from Christmas Day afternoon (1400) until the 27th December and could then pick him up on New Years Day. I explained that I had made arrangements based on what we had agreed 3 months before and I found it very unfair that she was changing things so late in the day. I said I was willing to compromise and if I could pick him up on Boxing Day. She said she would think about it. She called me back 10 minutes later and said that my son would be upset if he did not see me on Christmas Day so I should pick him up that afternoon. On Christmas Day morning I got another call she called me again to say that I could not pick him up at 1400 but would have to pick him up at 1600. I agreed to this. When I got there my son was not ready and I had to wait another hour before he was.
When I dropped my son back at his mums on the 27th we arrived 15 minutes late as my son wanted to spend a bit more time with his cousins who were at my parents house. My son was very worried in the car about his mums reaction. I reassured him by saying I would say it was my fault and that he would not have to worry. As we knocked on the door she opened and asked us how late we were. I said 15 minutes and apologised but before I could get any more words out she she shut the door and said to both of us behind the door, "you were 15 minutes late stay outside for 15 minutes." I looked at my son and he was crestfallen. We walked back to the car, as it had been snowing heavily that week, to stay in the warm. At that moment I just wanted to take my son back to my house and refuse to bring him back there but though better of it as I did not want to escalate the problem. So we went back into the house. I tried to apologise again but was told that I would not see my son again unless he disobeyed her. I admit I did lose my temper and stormed out of the house shouting expletives which I regret.
I tried to call my son later that evening but his phone was switched off. I Tried and tried for days with no luck. I texted my ex-wife to remind her that we had agreed that I would pick him up on New Years Day. All I got back was a load of vitriol telling me how she had spoken to my son and he no longer wanted anything more with me. I kept trying to get hold of my son but with no luck. I left messages on his phone but received no reply. I finally heard from my son on the 30th December and he told me that he felt I didn't love him and that he did not want to see me. My mother sent him a text wishing him a happy new year and he sent one back saying how he felt unloved by my family. He had spent a lovely Christmas with his grandparents and uncle, aunties and cousins. Also when he came to stay with me on weekends we would always spend time at my parents house which he loved.
I did not hear again from my son until February 2010 when I got a call from him asking if he could change his name. I asked him why and he told me that he only wanted to change his middle name. Again I asked him why and got no explanation. I tried to talk to his mother about it but all she would do is repeat what he had told me. I then received a call a week later from my son saying that if I wanted to see him again I would need to sign a piece of paper stating that I would never drink and drive with him in the car as I had done this on Christmas Day when driving from my partners family's house with him at night. I asked him where this was coming from as I had never done this and I would not sign a piece of paper. He replied by saying it's my idea my mum had nothing to do with this.
I decided to write a letter offering mediation but this was refused. Then in July 2010 myself, my father and my partner decided to turn up at the house to see if we could talk. I waited in the car while my partner and my dad knocked on the door. I was invited in after 15 minutes. We were there for about 5 hours of talking. I confonted the issue of the request for me to sign the letter straight away. I asked my ex and my son whose idea this was. Yy ex said it was my sons. I pointed out that on that day we were at my future mother-in-law's house and I would not have disgraced myself by drinking and driving, and even if I was stupid enough did they think I would be allowed to drive in that condition. Straight away my ex attacked our son accusing him of lying and telling him to apologise to me. After this we spoke for about 5 hours I made the offer that instead of going back to the way things were before we should start slowly and I would come to see my son at his mums on a Saturday and take him out for the day and bring him back so we could build up that trust again. My son seemed really happy to see me and was telling me how he had learned how to iron and about a girl he was sweet on. I left there hopeful. 3 days later I got a call from my ex telling me my son needed to speak to me, when he came on the phone he said he didn't want to me and that I needed to respect that. I admit I broke down.
I spoke to my ex's family who I am still on good terms with and they tried to find out what was going on. In March 2011 my ex-wife's sister advised me to go to court as she felt my ex was deliberately alienatiing me from my child. I really saw court as a last resort but realised I had to go ahead as all my efforts were not being repsonded to. I went ahead. Now it gets really disturbing.
When I got to Family court in May 2011 her solicitor announced that there had been allegations of abuse. In my naivety I thought maybe she said I had hit her or that I had hit him (I had done neither) it took 6 months before I found out what the allegations were. I was called in by the Police Child Abuse Investigation Team in September 2010. My son was alleging that I had been raping him from the age of 2 and that this had continued until he was 11. He also stated that I would lock him up in a cupboard for days on end and would invite other men to rape him and his mother as I watched. I was gobsmacked. I sat with the police for 6 hours and spoke freely as I had nothing to hide. I told them I wanted them to investigate these allegations thoroughly. The investigation lasted 16 months.
Because of the police investigation my family court petition was put on hold as each time I turned up at family court all the judge could say was that he/she could not make any judgements as I was still under investigation. One thing I forgot to mention was that I had found out via social services that my ex had changed my son's name in early 2010. Therefore, when I had gone there in July my son had a new name which I knew nothing about. I understand from the police that the reason the investigation took so long was each time they would go back to her to say that they could find no proof she would make up new allegations through alleged flashbacks. When the police kept going back to say they could find nothing she then got my son to say that I had been abusing his friends. When the police went to interview his friends they were were astounded. They asked me why my son was making up these allegations. In Dec 2012 the investigation was terminated due to lack of evidence. The Detective who investigated me told me I had been investigated in ways I would never know. I'm assuming they would have gone through my internet history, my bank accounts and phone records at least. I asked him although you say lack of evidence was there even an iota of evidence. He said they had found nothing. If I was as deviant as was made out I would have been the kind of person who would have left a footprint as I would have been searching for like minded individuals.
I was finally able to go back to family court and demand that social services write a risk report. When the report was published I found out that the detective who had been investigating me plus the detective who had investigated my ex-wife's close friend had both gone to social services with concerns about my ex-wife on more than one occasion. They felt that there was a strong possibility that my son was being inculcated with false memories. I spoke to the detective who investigated my ex-wifes friend and he told me that they are convinced that my ex manipulated the mind of the one of the daughters. I found afterwards that my ex had been conducting seances and black magic rituals. The solicitor representing the other family actually gave a witness statement to the court about how my ex was using black magic and seances to convince the daughters that they had been raped. The detective investigating that case told me that we would have loved to arrest my ex-wife but one of the daughters (the elder of the two) is still maintaining that these things happened and therefore he can do nothing. There is an ex-boyfriend of my ex's who spoke to the police however if he would give a signed statement they could arrest her. He is refusing to do so as he is afraid of her.
With the preponderence of evidence from the risk report which stated that my son had undoubtedly undergone harm in his present home environment and highlighted concerns about my ex-wifes mental state and concerns as to whether the allegations of abuse were credible as they were only reported after I decided to go to court, I was hopeful of the court agreeing to my proposal for my son to receive expert counselling from an expert who had experience of false memory syndrome. I understood that I would not get to see my son as he was totally alienated from me. Let's just say I was to be disappointed. The judge said that the existing counselling was adequate even though it was pointed out the counselling team had admitted they were not equipped to deal with false memory syndrome. Also his name change was to stand even though it was illegal as I had not given permission.
So you've heard the story, so why do I need the money.
1) I need to continue the fight. I need the money to continue the fight. The police say they are powerless to do anything, even though they have strong suspicions of false memory inculcation. I am looking at either going back to family court to see if the judge will order the right typre of help for my son. If that fails I will look to conduct a private prosecution I am and have a legal team in place. This will cost money as i will need expert witnesses and an effective legal team. My ex-wife does not work so she has had the whole farrago funded by legal aid.
3) My son is going to need help as he has been damaged in the worst wat possible. His childhood has been taken away from him. He is a good boy with a gentle personality, however I have spoken to his teachers who have told me he is a ticking time bomb as it is as if his his holding a secret inside him. I need to get him the best help as soon as possible
4) Any extra money I receive I would look to start a support group for parents as I do recognise and appreciate that there are mothers who are being deliberately and unfairly kept from their children
These past 5 years have been hell, but to be honest not because what I have gone through. I am big enough and ugly enough to deal with it, and I always knew I was innocent. However when I think of what my son has gone through it brings me to tears. Although I have buckled I have not been broken.
You may think to yourself that this is just a domestic dispute. However a child's mind has been deliberately damaged in the worst way possible. What would you do if it was your child?
I hope you can find it in your hearts to help. Any donation will be gratefully received.