Help me raise money for life-saving mental therapy! (and top surgery)

Hello! My name’s Rad, I’m a 25yo trans man from Poland and I need your help with my mental health.

[CW: mental struggles, self-harm, suicidality and suicide)

(I want to get straight to the point but the message and my thanks to the backers from 5y ago can be seen down at the bottom. I still remember about you kind souls!)

Now to the main part. I started my first fundraiser around 2018 and a lot happened in my life since then.

Since then my mental health deteriorated quickly and terribly. The things I always struggled with became unbeareable, especially my emotions. I became completely unable to regulate them and my only coping method became self-harm, because it was the only thing that helped to ease the mental pain. My arms are completely covered in huge scars now.

Eventually I became hospitalized and for three consecutive years I'd been spending autumn/winter months in the psychiatric ward. Two of those stays were conected to suicide atempts. 4 great people whom I met in the hospital either commited suicide or became missing.
One of the suicides happened as recently as late August 2023. I'm still grieving.

I received an official diagnosis of ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorded. (They also suspect I have C-PTSD).
The BPD diagnosis was particulary devastating for me because it is severly demonized, even by mental health professionals and is dificult to treat.

Not impossible though. There is a special kind of therapy especially for BPD and it's called DBT.
The thing is, it's not covered by our National Health Fund. This therapy is pretty intense in the sense of amount of sessions per month and it should be conducted for at least 2 years, I heard.

I haven't been able to keep a normal job for years now.

I can be very hardworking and I consider myself a pretty inteligent person, so it's especially devastating for me. I really want to have a stable job and sustainable pay but I'm so anxious and emotionally vulnerable...

I'm constantly scared of people and the slighest gesture or word from a coworker I may interpret as condescending or hateful and then it sends me into a spiral of thinking that the person hates me and that I'm garbage, I'm nothing. And I mean a spiral, not a singe thought. It stays with me for days. I'm just unable to go back because of that.

I can't even explain how these emotion hurt, sometimes I literally want to kill myself on the spot to just not feel it anymore. People with BPD have one of the if not the highest rate of suicide among people with mental struggles - about 10%. So because we're that emotionally fragile, 1 out of 10 of us die too young.

Currently my partner is the one supporting me financialy but he's terribly overworked and it's still not enough for both of us to live normal lifes. Our meds are pretty costly, too. I do what I can and sell a little bit of my handmade crafts online but it's not nearly enough.
I really want to learn to cope with my personality disorder so I could live normally and actually function! I have so many ambitions and I want to keep bettering myself until the end of my days and it's my dream to actually be able to do that. That's why I think it's impossible for me to live withought intense, dedicated theraphy! There is no way I could afford it right now.

I am never going to save the amount of money I need without any outside help, especially considering that time is of essence.
From my caculations it seems that for 2 years of competent DBT theraphy I'd need around 18.000 PLN which currently translates to about 4500 USD.
However, I still dream about getting top surgery and its price at least doubled in recent years due to inflation. For that, I may have to pay around 5000 USD. It would also help immensly with my mental health so I'm setting the goal to 10.000 USD. A man can dream. :D

And that’s why I’ve decided to start an international fundraiser campaign. Remember - every donation counts!

If you’re unable to donate, please consider sharing this campaign. Thank you so much and lots of love to you all!

***Message for original backers from 5 years ago***

Before explaining my what happened I would like to express my deepest gratitude for everyone who donated 5 years ago. Sorry I vanished so suddenly, my health deteriorated and I had to leave toxic space that was tumblr at the time. So I'm back!

Thank so, so much! I appreaciate every donation and kind words you offered me and I'll never forget it. You're great!

Though was not able to raise enough money for my top surgery, I used it for essential expenses such as food and rent but most of all I was finally able to start working towards my legal transition and pay for offical evaluation by clinical psychologist (this one is essential for court proceedings).

I also tried to apply for gender marker and name change at the local court but my lawsuit was denied for reasons unknown. In Poland to complete legal transition you have to essentially sue your parents, which is pretty terrible in itself. It's safe to say that I'll have to invest even more money to get evaluated by other medical professionals to gather enough "evidence" for the lawsuit.

I still have hope. I can't thank you enough. May you live the best of your lifes - you deserve it (same to you, future backers :D).

- Rad