Help me live my truth

On the 20 March 1988 I was born as what society deems a boy. Perhaps my parents celebrated because in African custom a boy is the ultimate blessing and means a wife has done well. Of course that is all due to the patriarchal system of this world. So society expected that I would be physically strong, do typical boy things. I would be excused for being rough, for crude jokes and robust play... But that was not me...

From my earliest memory I have felt like a girl. I loved flowers, dolls, makeup and pretty things. Everything about me, my behaviour, my inclinations, my attitude was in conflict to the appendage hanging between my legs. I did not know any other way to be, all i could be is what came naturally to me and so began my life long battle with bullying, ridicule, low self esteem and depression. Coming from a rural province in Africa where there is very little information about trans bodies, i grew up thinking that perhaps I was gay, but I was never satisfied by this realisation because unlike other gay people I could not embrace my sexual parts. I hated them because I knew that without them I could have been accepted as a girl, what I deemed my true self. If only I was brave enough to go through with the many times I have tried to commit suicide, I might have found peace. But I could never follow through with it and today I guess I have a bigger purpose and I have a burning desire to rewrite the trans narrative.

Today I am 31. I am a woman. I live and am accepted as a woman. That as it may be, in the moments when I am alone and subject to my own thoughts, I am still vulnerable, still subject to ridicule and the ever present threat of the violence that is perpetuated on trans bodies. I am frustrated because I have to miss so many opportunities designed specifically for women because while I may perform the epitome of femininity, officialdom still regards me as a male.

I am now 31 and feel that the time is right for me to embrace my true self. I have decided to alter my body so that it is congruent with my truth. Please help me to access gender affirming surgery. I need to raise R200 000.00 ($13570.59) as I will need to travel to Thailand to have the procedure done. The waiting time for this kind of surgery in South Africa is almost 25 year hence it cannot be done here.

Every little bit helps and brings me closer to living as I was meant to.