HELP ME HEAL MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Dear ones, let me first thank you so much for reading this. My name is Mojca and I live in Slovenia.
I am 41 years old and my life has been such an intense struggle since ever, but intensely for the last 12 years, since I started a journey of healing my childhood wounds. I thought I could do it alone, but the trauma is so severe. I suffer an intense suicidal depression when there are too many things to cope with and I just can't handle all this pain and life issues all together. I need professional help and support in order to work through all that I carry within and all the challenges of being a childhood abuse survivor.
After I fall down, I always get up and start again. I am blessed to have this strength and stamina within me, but my energy is becoming so low due to all this stress and unresolved issues. I also suffer panic attacks and have many doubts, due to financial lack, doubting in how I will manage to get through all this challenges. But still, what I have been doing every day, day after day, for years now, is studying really hard, reading, meditating, writing, changing beliefs as much as I am capable of, minding my thoughts, doing exercises, breathing, doing and researching related topics, applying all the knowledge that is accessible to me for free. But I still can't save myself. It's so deep and painful that I can't access it and resolve it on my own. I need a good therapist to help me and guide me through. But I can't even pay for the rent and so I thought how on Earth I could pay for a therapist. I was very desperate when I realized that I can't help myself. But I walked and walked and promised myself to find a way.
So when I was desperately searching for ways to save myself, for years now, I got in contact with Gofund me. My college told me about it. At first I didn't have the courage, because most people are not able to understand such circumstances if they haven't experienced them by themselves and some can be critical or even mock you. And at this moment I don't need this additional stress. I also had thoughts like who are you to ask for help and my answer was, at the end, after all this doubt, someone that needs and deserves it. So I did it. I am doing it. Helping myself. Because I want to live. Because I owe this to this little girl living within me. I need to do everything possible in order to find the solution. To find financial support for my getting back to life journey.
I have been trying to find work, working so many jobs in the past in order to survive, but I just don't have the energy to cope with PTSD and all the stress from work and daily life. I am constantly coping with burned out issues due to such an intense stress and situations, I always find myself back in suicidal depression. It's too much of everything. I also feel so drained from being in contact with all the chaos of this World and people. I struggle with loneliness and this sometimes hurts like physical pain too. I have no one really close to me. I am on my own. The only family I say I have is my beautiful four legged furry friend Gai. My little dog. For me, the most limiting issues are issues with finances. I live from the social support funding of 400 Eur per month. I have no home after I left my mother's apartment in order to cut ties, so at the moment I am living here and there in holiday homes as they are not opened for now in these Corona times. I also lived in my car for three months and it's such a survival mode, you lose so much energy and health that way.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and father, in an environment where I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused, criticized, humiliated, silenced by physical force and pushed away. My parents are sure that I am exaggerating, still blaming me that I ruined their life, mocking me for the state I am in, stating that my mind is twisted and sarcastically laughing at me because of how poor I am. So I need to cut all contacts with them in order to protect myself and heal, although they could support my healing financially. When I asked for financial support, my mother stated that I was only beat up a couple of times and that I am making up all these issues, about how I am struggling, as an excuse for not needing to work.
So I am here, asking you for help. I don't want to be seen as a victim. Please, I want to be seen as someone who is strong and courageous to ask for help and expressing their story publically. As someone who just needs a bit of support in order to be able to walk alone in confidence later on.
I would be so grateful for all your support. Because that means I could afford psychotherapy and slowly work through all the suppressed trauma and gain back myself, my life, my strength to cope with life's challenges and stress, and my right to live and work.
I play flutes and other instruments, record videos of nature and meditation, I paint and draw, I studyed tourism, I am a preschool teacher, pilates, yoga and dance teacher. But with my limitations, I just can't get all those things into life in order to be able to earn money for my life. No matter how hard and how persistent I am, it just doesn't work. Because my deep subconscious beliefs are that I am not worthy and that I don't deserve to live and the list goes on and on. And eventually the stress drags me back into a depressed state.
I would love to share all this in some way for the exchange for your donation. I am also prepared to record exercises or share all the knowledge I have with you.
But one thing I know, I will never stop searching for ways to climb out of this. Never.
When I save myself, I wish to share my gifts and encourage others to walk the path from trauma to empowered self. I will dedicate my life to helping people and I will find a way to study more and more and help people damaged from their childhood conditioning to live fully. Because there is a way.
Thank you so much for your donations, because with your help I can heal and live this Life.
Thank you. May you be happy, healthy and blessed with the goodness you share to those in need.
♡ You are invited to visit my youtube chanell. I would be happy to record sth similar especially for you, If you wish so.
♡ PERSONAL PAYPAL ACCOUNT
IF YOU THINK IT IS BETTER FOR YOU, CONSIDERING SAFETY ISSUES, YOU MAY USE MY PERSONAL PAYPAL ACCOUNT FOR TRANSFERING YOUR MUCH APPRECIATED DONATIONS.
♡ You may also look into my FB account, for any validation you may need.