Help me get over depression

Hello everyone.

My name is Adriana 28 years old from Romania.

15th of January 2014 i was diagnosed with Cervical cancer stage 3, doctors gave me 20% to survive.

After 3 weeks i started chemotherapy and radiotherapy so i can have surgery after. On 18th of July, after a long stress and painful treatments doctors finally agreed to give me the surgery to remove the cancer.

Surgery lasted for almost 8 hours, i had full hysterectomy and more removed.

After this surgery and everything I've been through, i realized that i will never have my own kid's or family and from there my depression started.

Since then I've tried couple of time for suicide, i was under treatments for depression but i was fine only when the pills had effect.

I'v lost around 20 kilos first year after surgery ( i reached 40 kilos ) so my depression started to grow more and more so i closed myself in home and i started to eat for the next 2 years almost all the time untill i reached almost 100 kilos.

Today my weight is 90 kilos and i cannot work out because i have blood pressure problem ( GP recommend to not go Gym ). I'v tried different diets but nothing seems to work because i am starting to feel more and more hungry. I tried to have a healthy lifestyle but it didn't worked.

From couple of months i closed myself in the house again and i tried to find different ways to come back to my regular weight from before surgery ( 55kilos ) and after of many nights of research i have contacted a Doctor for plastic surgery to ask for any options as i heard from internet people who are losing a lot of weight but stomach surgery.

I went and see that doctor and he told me to go Gastric sleeve, that's the best option for me to loose the extra weight.

All i want is to come back to my normal life i had before i got sick.

If i cannot have baby's, at least i can be the same person i was. This is my big dream and for me it seems impossible to get there. Because of the poor situation my friends and family has in Romania, they cannot afford my Gastric sleeve surgery even if this will be the best thing for me to fight this depression. I feel this is the only way to do it because i don't want to die. My brain keeps telling i am too fat to find a boyfriend or someone to love me. I m trying to win this battle but i need help from the others also.

I m now 4 years since i was diagnosed with Cervical cancer and all i wish is i was better dead since then, because i cannot live with all this after