Help me buy my dream house

Pozdrav / Hello

Ja sam Ante i volim janjetinu. / I am Ante and i love janjetina.

Trebam Vasu pomoc da si kupim kucu iz snova. / I need your help to buy my dream house.

Kad kazem pomoc zapravo mislim da zelim da mi Vi kupite kucu. / When i say help i mean i want you to buy me a house.

Nemam nikakvu namjeru ulozit imalo truda u ostvarenje svojih snova kad vi to mozete za mene. / I have zero intention to put any effort into making my dreams come true when you can do it for me.

Ako ste dobri ljudi i štujete Gospu. / If you are good people and worship Gospa.

Ja štujem Gospu i volim janjetinu. / I worship Gospa and love janjetina.

Možete me smatrati svecenikom, uzet cu vase pare za apsolutno nista i mozete mi bit zahvalni na tome. / You can think of me as a priest, i will take your money for absolutely nothing and you can be thankful to me.

Vec sam rekao da volim janjetinu ali stvarno je volim. / I already said i love janjetina but i really love her.

Janjetinu. / Janjetinu.

Ponekad gledam Janicu Kostelic jer me podsjeca na janjetinu. / Sometimes i look at Janica Kostelic coz she reminds me janjetina.

Mrzim Jacques Houdeka. / I hate Jacques Houdek.

Dopustite mi da vam kazem jos o sebi i o svojoj specificnoj i kompliciranoj situaciji. / Let me tell you more about myself and my specific and complicated situation.

Ja sam lijeno govno. / I am a lazy govno.

Postavljanje alarma za budenje mi je toliko stresno da ne mogu zaspati. / Setting and alarm to get in the morning is so stressful for me that i can't fall asleep.

Cijelu noc mi se pred ocima odbrojavaju sekunde kad ce me taj prokleti zvuk probudit iz mog blagostanja./ I can see the seconds counting down till the time that cursed noise will wake me up from my blissful sleep.

Zbog COVID pandemije 2020te dao sam otkaz 2017te. / Due to COVID pandemic of 2020 i quite my job in 2017.

Odtad uzivam u dugim setnjama po rivi i ispijanju kavu satima, nocnim izlascima u Vanille i barem 3 sata dnevno provedem u Radissona ili Lava. / Since then i enjoy taking long walks and drinking coffee for hours, nightlife in Vanilla and i spend at least 3 hours per day in Radisson or Lav.

Morao sam otici iz Radissona jer su previse pametovali sa clanarinama. / I had to leave Radisson coz they were pametovali too much with memberships.

Ovo je bilo jako stresno razdoblje mog zivota. / This was a very stressful period of my life.

Svakm glavonji vicem "A di si brate? A di si kralju" / Too every big head i shout " Where u at bro? Where u at king?".

Ali sva moja braca i kraljevi nisu rezultirali vezom da se uhljebim u banovini. / But all my bros and kings didn't result in me getting a connect in brothel.

Tisuce slika mog bezbriznog zivota nisu rezultirale s dovoljno followera da postanem influencer./ Thousands of photos of my carefree life didn't result in enough followers so i could be an influencer.

Najvise zbog toga jer nemam Instagram./ Mostly because i don't have Instagram.

Sabotiraju me Srbi, masoni i vlada. / I am being sabotaged by Serbs, Freemasons and government.

Al ozbiljno. / But seriously.

Nazva me Plenkovic i savrsenim srpskim akcentom kaze "Nikad neces da kupis kucu BRE". / Plenkovic called me and in perfect serbian accent said "You will never buy a house, BHRE".( H is silent for all you rich English people that i love so much.)

Tada sam znao da ste mi vi jedina sansa. / Thats when i knew you are my only chance.

Zato sam napisao ovaj iskren opis. / Thats why i wrote this honest description.

Nema djece ali cim postavim oglas idem na Znjan da nadem neku koju bi oplodija. / I have no children, but as soon as i post this article i will go to Znjan and find some girl to impregnate.

Nema veze sto sam neodgovoran, nemam gdje zivit i ne mogu se brinit za dijete jer znam da ste vi uz mene. / It doesn't matter i am irresponsible, have no place to live and can't take care of a child because i know you are with me.

I dok ste god vi totalni stranci uz mene, moji problemi su vasi problemi, a vase pare su moje pare. / And as long you total strangers are with me, my problemes are your problems, and your money is my money.

Znam da zvuci predobro da bi bila istina. / I know it sounds to good to be true.

Ali mozete mi zahvaliti kasnije. / But you can thank me later.

Ovo je kuca koju zelim kupit. This is the house i wanna buy.

Moja kuca iz snova / My dream house

Druga najskuplja kuca na njuskalu. / The second most expensive house on njuskalo.

Ima jedna za 11 milja al nisan ja pohlepan. / There is one for 11 million but i am not greedy.

Kao sta vidite ima ogroman vinograd tako da cu ustedit bogatstvo na alkoholu. / As you can see there is a huge vineyard so i will save a fortune on alcohol.

Znaci ovo je zapravo investicija od koje vi gotovo da nema nista. / So this is actually an investment from which you practically get nothing.

Mozete me ponekad posjetit i slikat se za svoj instagram u vili koju ste kupili. / You can come visit me sometimes and take pictures for your instagram in a villa you bought.

A i kad ste vec tu mozete malo radit u vinogradu. / And since you are already there you can work in the vineyard.

Mozete mi zahvalit kasnije. / You can thank me later.

Kao sto mozete vidjeti imanje kosta 8 000 000 eura. / As you can see the estate is 8 000 000 euros.

Ali sa porezima, provizijama i zalihama za ugodan zivot zaokruzit cemo na 10 000 000. / But with tax. provisions and savings for carefree life we will round it up to 10 000 000.

Najvise zbog lake racunice. / Mostly for easy calculation.

Znam da to zvuci puno, ali nije. / I know that it sounds much but it isn't.

Koristit cu naprednu matematiku da vam objasnim. / i will use advanced mathematics to explain.

Nije bitno ocete razumit ili ne samo dajte pare. / It doesn't matter if you understand or no just send the money.

Trebam samo 10 miljuna ljudi da mi da 1 euro, a to vam je samo 5 miljuna ljudi po 2 eura. / I only need 10 million people to give me 1 euro, and thats only 5 million people 2 euro.

Ako zamjenite 2 i 5 to vam ispada samo 2 miljuna ljudi po 5 eura. / if you switch 2 and 5 thats only 2 million people 5 euro.

Kao šta vidit kljuc je u tome da date što više jer cemo tako brze skupit novac. / As you can see the key is you giving more money because we will have it quicker like that.

Znam da mogu racunati na vas. / I know i can count on you.

I zapamtite. / And remember.

Šering iz kering. / Sharing is caring.