FUNDRAISING FOR HBOT
My name is Bente and I am a 36 year old danish autistic girl that have been medicated wrong in the danish psychiatry for 12 years. I am suffering from depression,insomnia and overall withdrawal symptoms after I weaned off the psychiatric medication I became ill from. I suspect I am also braindamaged. I left my house to move into a psychiatric institution because I could not function on my own anymore and they could offer some help to me without medicating me. I am not able to work and I do not feel I have any life quality left because of my symptoms and damages. My goal is to be cured from this so I can move back to my house and maybe get a job again working with children and other outgoing activities when I get the energy for it. Most of all I dream about a life without this suffering. I heard about the opportunity to buy a portable hyperbaric oxygen treatment chamber from France in which you can cure these symptoms with oxygen under a low pressure. It can maybe treat my autism also and repair my damaged mitocondries which are our body´s energy cells.When they are damaged from the drugs you will always experience fatigue which I do. HBOT can treat a range of mental symptoms as well as physical.
Here is my entire psychiatric story about the wrong treatment of me:
I am a 17 year old danish girl who goes to high school . I grew up in a home where I am exposed to what we call emotional neglect which is just as bad for someone as incest is. This means I am my mother's extended arm emotionally and on that account there is committed many atrocities against me. I am also being beaten by my father and it kept me out from being social with them when I did not "behave properly". I can then sit and cry alone in my room as the loser in the sick game. I should often take responsibility for my mother's feelings and succumb to my father's caprice and my two elder siblings are also players in their own way. NOONE understand me and that I am a very sensitive girl . I am born with a slight form of autism called aspergers syndrome and this diagnosis is not known at that time I got problems with social interaction and my temper and I am a different girl that my parents have difficulty understanding and that is very understandable. My parents are not to blame for my development disorder. Psychiatry did not find out that I got a development disorder which autism is because I am very good at reading social interaction intellectually. Throughout elementary school I managed fine and because of my intelligence the good teachers did not realize that I were a bit different in social interaction. The only focus is on how skilled I was. When I came to high school it all went wrong. I did not understand the "culture" such a place and I got teased by some girls when I did not feel I could fit in to the culture. I got a nervous breakdown from the stress and the lack of understanding at home. I got a depression and went to my GP who gives me antidepressants pills. He tells my parents : "It's a major depression .Can you go home now and take good care of her and prevent her from committing suicide in her major depression" . I must give up high school. I have to take the second grade of high school all over again and I quit school for that reason. I am too sick for that and give it up.
I feel better after a few months and go for a while at a private practicing psychiatrist who send me to the apartment for teenagers in psychiatry. I talk to a female psychiatrist and I am still medicated with zoloft at that time . I get better and better and at a time I am able to work again. I feel helped by the medication and I regain my health again and withdraw from the medication. I am just so happy and feel completely on top of my life. I now start some school again . I take a course in a folk high school and after that I start preparing reading for a teacher. It is my BIGGEST DREAM in life. I love children and my happy and laughing mind attracts kids who love me. I have raised a lot of kids in my young life already . I know that this is what I want. It is my biggest dream. Unfortunately I am very sensitive and a death in my family gives me a new depression. I know that antidepressants helps me because they have done that before but this time I start seeing a psychologist who unfortunately can not help me beating my depression which becomes more and more severe and he therefore sends me to a private psychiatrist who begins to medicate me . This time rather vehemently with often two antidepressants at the same time . It does not help me this time . The psychiatrist must give up and he sends me into a mental dayhospital in psychiatry where I am looking forward to begin because I am sure they must be able to help me. I am very trusting when it comes to people and the help I will get . I believe they will help me as good as they did in the past. I am confident. In the mental dayhospital they continue to drug me but I just get worse and worse. I am sitting like a zombie in an armchair and stare out into the room. A fellow patient take notice and says to me: "I have been hospitalized many times in the psychiatric ward during my life but I have never ever seen anyone as sick as you. Never! Each day I go home from the mental dayhospital and I goes from being a very thin girl to a very fat and apathetic girl . I feel I am close to dying. I suffer from constipation , dry mouth, chapped lips and I am in so much torment that I can not live in dignity .I think one day that I must either stop it or I will commit suicide or else I will die from"the treatment"
I go back to the mental dayhospital and talk with the "smart " doctors and nurses that I will not continue with this treatment.The caregivers have to admit that this is not good and they can see that nothing is helping and that their medication of me have not helped a stick but worsened my situation. I am 21 year old at that time. The "professional" decides to withdraw me from the medication. I am now going to recover completely again and I get out from the mental dayhospital . My life is now going to be lived fully. I leave my parents home and move out by myself and I enjoy my new life and get a job and it all goes well for me. I have not given up the dream of becoming an teacher as I now get a job in a kindergarten. I am still very sensitive to stress and two years after I am going to my GP with symptoms of stress . I feel sad and tired but it is also stressful at the job. I tell the doctor I think that it could might be a depression again. He looks in the journal/case record. I am a former psychiatric patient so he thinks it is probably very possible and he hand out antidepressants again . I take the pills . I will not lose my job and it may well be they help this time . I did not quite feel the pills help me but I do not get worse either but after breaking up with a boyfriend it just get too much for me. I am very sensitive. At that time I am going in the district psychiatry. The psychologist believes that I should be increased in the dose of antidepressant medication in order not to "break completely". I am increased but I am still fighting not to break down completely. I call the psychologist during working hours and I am completely out of it. Finally I decide to quit my job and go to a folk high school
The job is simply too much now in my condition and I do not like to work there anymore. I am now taking some antipsychotic and antidepressant pills which makes me very hungry and I am going from being a very thin girl to a very hungry,apathetic and fat girl. The medication also help me sleep when I can not sleep and I have also had difficulty sleeping in many years. Ever since I went on antidepressants. At the school I am always tired. I sleep poorly and during the day I am so tired and got decreased energy . I skip a study tour. I feel I am only experiencing half of the stay at the folk high school due to my condition. When I come home from the stay at the folk high school I am completely distraught . Why am I feeling like this I keep wondering about? It can not be true I should be so tired and now I get the medication and it can not be true that I do not get better on medication after all? The thoughts about it is spinning around in my head and I decide to go to my GP again . I am wondering if I had a different label that the doctors can not find out. Maybe I should have something completely different medication and I will get well . I am desperate. At the GP I ask for an evaluation in the district psychiatry so I can get the right label and treatment and get healthy again.
I am now from my own doctor sent into the arms of a psychiatrist who pretty fast concludes that I am suffering from skizotyphical mental disorder and a psychologist make some tests at me and he finds out what is wrong and also conclude that I must suffer from skizotyphical mental disorder . I just thinks that maybe it is right because I am so desperate to get better. I am now offered antipsychotic medication which I accept. I have to take 2 mg of risperidone. I respond quickly to it by feeling the many thoughts I have that are spinning around in my head are calming down and it appears to be easier to sleep. I say I think it helps and the psychiatrist is really happy for me and say to me :"Come back in two years when you feel good". I let go of psychiatry but also of life because the effect of the medication begins to set in. I sleep all the time, do nothing at home, meet into working test untidy. My life become a nightmare . I am desperate again . What should I do? . I am just so distraught . I find a boyfriend who turns out to be a psychopath as he threatens to beat me and smash things in anger . I first find out when I move in with him. I remain apathetic and sleep a lot and can barely handle those few hours of a temporary job I got in a kindergarten . My boyfriend threatens me with beatings because I am very "transformed" . I am crying because I shirks from the job because of my zombie condition. I can not get out of bed . One day I finally get enough. I get some help from a nurse in the local district psychiatry to find a new psychiatrist who can see it is completely bad with me and decrease my dose of medication.
I get better and move from my boyfriend . When I move from my boyfriend I come to a new psychiatrist. The local authorities sends me to him because I am seeking rehabilitation for a whole high school education . It is the law in Denmark that if you are going to get money from the local authorities in order to come under rehabilitation and get help with an education you have to get a statement from a psychiatrist that you are actually sick.The psychiatrist weans me completely off the antipsychotic medication and puts mr on a new antidepressant. I now get the label BORDERLINE . I think it is great. It must be true as I feel better by getting rid of the antipsychotic medication. I can not see the connection of things . It gives me of course more energy to come off the antipsychotic medication and I even think the antidepressant medication helps me this time. I am very busy and begin my education . I am now taking a high school education continuously over a number of years. It takes 5 years for me. In this time I am on and off antidepressants most of the time . I am succeeding my exam and I am so happy and proud when I get my exam with a good result. It's not my intelligence that something is wrong with. I am however always tired and depleted of energy. I know I do not feel well and I do not clearly understand it . Why do I not feel better?
In the year 2010 I seek everywhere after some therapy that can make me VERY well. I am tired of smalltalk with the psychiatrist who I have consulted all the years through my high school. I now get hope when I find something called Dialectical behavioural therapy. It is for people with borderline and I get a lot of hope for recovery now. I seek the therapy and hope to be included. I get the permission to start the therapy but I sense something fishy about my therapist at the beginning. I always give people chances and continues to go to the therapist and head doctor in psychiatry who she also is. I have almost just begun the therapy as I break up with a boyfriend again. I now get signs again of depression as before and this time so severely that I am admitted to a psychiatric hospital and they start again medicating me. I am already on medication but now I try another product that should work better for depression . I am only becoming more and more ill. I get more anxiety and depression and I am being very paranoid. I get cramps in my legs , constipation, tooth decay and dry mouth. I feel horrible . I have thoughts of killing myself and also my parents. I am suffering in that way for ten months and I am so caught up into my own condition that I do not manage to say stop . I tell my therapist that I am getting sick from the medication that I have told her I have experienced before. The therapist just tells me it is my underlying condition.It is my borderline. I give up arguing with her and stay on the drug because I am afraid of being kicked out from the therapy. I just survive each day and cling on to the hope that the therapy will might get me back on track. In the group therapy at the therapist we learn some skills that we have to practice at home. I am confident. The therapy must save me. I though feel that I am not myself and suspects that something is wrong with my therapist that I do not get along with . But I am brought up to that what you begin with you have to finish and you do that too with a treatment. I follow the therapy to the letter and make all the tasks even though I am mentally completely on the verge of suicide .
I am now a revolving door patient in the psychiatric ward . The tests they do on me in my treatment measures , however,some progress in some areas but I really feel as a wreck. I understand nothing. I rejoice though, the test results positive outcome. I rejoice so much of the deception that I first discover too late is of no use to continue. I declare I will get off the medication. My therapist looks hard at me and I quickly realize that my therapist does not agree to it at all. My therapist declares that she will wean me off the medication in a month but I ask for one more month and my therapist agree to it . However, it is too soon since I am very sensitive and relapse now into a depression again and I end up in the psychiatric hospital again . I do not know anything about that the antidepressive medication Venlafaxine for some people is especially dangerous to wean off from too quickly. Especially very sensitive people. I am now experiencing the wildest cessation symptoms such as leg cramps , restlessness and depression. I get a lot of withdrawal symptoms and my leg are swollen . After some time it all settles down but after four months the withdrawal symptoms come back and I am told by someone outside psychiatry what is going on with me. I am now experiencing delayed withdrawal. I decide to end my therapy because she does not believe in my explanation and will only hear herself.
Meanwhile I have found out how much psychoactive drugs damage a person and I read about withdrawal symptoms. My knowledge I must bear alone because in psychiatry noone believes in me. A psychiatry in which I involuntarily have become a revolving door patient because I did not figure it all out a long time ago. I am now a revolving door patient . I can not stand my condition and I have no choice but to seek into the psychiatry . In psychiatry, they will not have me hospitalized if I do not take drugs again . I am really squeezed . I consider other places to go and stay but to live by other people in my condition I will not ask for. I am suicidal and I think it is too much of a responsibility for other people to handle.I am also afraid to stay other places in my condition. Finally I feel so bad that it almost freeze in my brain. This means that I become completely empty from thoughts and it's as if my brain dies . I also get brainzaps. It is so uncomfortably and I have so many suicidal thoughts that I can not be in the hell anymore. I say yes to moodstabilizing medication to get me down and it also lifts me up slightly. I know it is harmful but I am really in pain. I feel no joy and life and my mind is spinning around all the time in the same pattern . There is not much creativity. I feel like a walking dead. I also feel paralyzed. I also feel autistic because I feel I am living inside myself even when I am among other people.That is how withdrawal feels. It's dreadful . I have decreased appetite and my functional level is so low that I can almost not handle the most easy daily tasks in my home. I can not sleep at night and now I have to take sleeping pills to sleep or antipsychotic medication.
I am now fighting not to be hospitalized all the time but it is very very difficult. I am a very sensitive girl and I am struggling every day but I am so tired of it now because I have almost been in the same hell for two years. You can really say that hell started when I were 17 years old and came into psychiatry and thought they could help me. A help who deceived me in such a cruel way . A trusting and naive girl was robbed of life. Psychiatry systematic destroyed my health because I constantly believed and continued to believe that they would be able to help me in the conditions they created for me by their "treatment" with "medication" and the real problem was "just" an undiscovered autism.I am now send to a psychiatric evaluation again . I say yes to it because I know that I need to get some help so I can keep myself from being hospitalized all the time. I have no trust in psychiatry anymore but I can not see other options. They do not want to fill me with pills anymore. They know well by now that they have committed a big mistake . A person with autism must not just get psychoactive drugs in the unrestrained way I have received them and it must be given in very low doses. An autistic person must be helped with framework and daily structure and motivated to the things that are difficult. Trained in skills.
It will be necessary to get another sort of treatment because the psychoactive drugs that I have been given over several years might as well have destroyed my brain . I find out through my journal/case record that they have suspected me to be autistic .I believed at first that they just had to have another label to cover their mistakes with and I borrow a book about aspergers syndrome. I read it and must admit it sounds like me. Much of what is written is like the way I behave. I actually feel I have found "home" and I now feel happy that psychiatry finally has managed to do one thing “right”. I feel grief from so many lost years on psychoactive drugs without any qualified help. I am now living in a psychiatric institution to get some qualified help without being medicated. I am still suffering from withdrawal symptoms because I went back on a small amount of antidepressant medication to stop the symptoms. It only helped for a while and after discontinuation I continued to feel bad. I fear now I am braindamaged and that I will never be able to move back to my house again and get a life worth living. Sometimes I am considering if I have an aspergers syndrome label at all. I think danish psychiatry has made it all up in the psych ward to get rid of me and because they had made me so sick from the medication they had been given to me.