Help Ben play Animal Crossing for his birthday

ITTTSSSS MAH BURRRFDAY!!!!!!!

Now I'm gonna be clear with you all. I'm a selfish person just like the rest of you fucks. I mean really now, let's not pretend we aren't. But there's only one thing I want for my birthday: to play that stupid fucking Animal Crossing game. I love Animal Crossing more than any grown man has a right to. I fucking love Animal Crossing and I make no apologies for it, in the same way I love Taylor Swift, The Spice Girls, and Carley Rae Jepson. Suck my fat dick.

So I've started a crowd funding campaign. Not for a charity, not for anything that matters, but for me. To play the new Animal Crossing game on my birthday. That's it.

"But Ben you're a talented artist, you should have money blah blah blah", yeah! I totally did! Until the fucking apocalypse happened! And now my entire life is fucked. But thank christ my fucking government is basically gonna pay my shitty ass rent for awhile.

I'm not a greedy man. Ebay tells me I can get a used Nintendo Switch Lite for about 300 bucks Canadian. And if I take back the empty beer cans from my rampant alcoholism I might just be able to afford the game as well.

You have no reason to donate to me. In fact, I should be shamed in the comments for even posting this.

BUT...If I DO get to play the new Animal Crossing, I will guarantee every last one of you who helped me that I will come to your town personally and lick your boots like the filthy slave I am, and Punch Tom Nook in his self satisfied raccoon face for you.

So give me free money that I've done nothing to earn so I can play a videogame made for children. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.