Caregiver and Dad needs help for daily expenses.

Dad was diagnosed with stage 2 colorectal cancer about 6 years ago. His age, and pre-existing condition of irregular heartbeat, was considered a high risk for any surgical procedure. He was 76 years old. The decision was made not to go through with surgery to remove the tumor as it would have been life threatening, non-guarantee of remission and a high chance the procedure will affect his quality of life in later years.

Over the next several years, Dad’s condition slowly worsened. His energy levels decreased and it was clear to see he wasn’t the sprightly man he used to be. I had to monitor him more closely which meant foregoing fulltime employment to something more flexible. So, I engaged in ad hoc jobs and part time work. Things took a sad turn 2 years ago.

One morning, Dad had not come out from his room, like he usually does. It was 7am. I did not think much about it. Not until about 45 minutes later, when Dad faintly called out for me. Dad had fallen while getting out of bed. His right elbow had a cut and he was bleeding from it. He laid sprawled on the floor, on his right side of the body, and his left against the side of the bed. Dad was in that position for 45 minutes. As it turned out, he had a stroke. A mild one, I was told later. The stroke affected Dad’s left side of the body. Dad was hospitalized for a total of 3 months, including one month at a nursing home for therapy.

Dad’s cancerous tumor had increased in size. The cancer also caused internal bleeding, which was evident in his stools. Dad was given radiation therapy to stop the tumor from increasing. It appeared to have worked, so they thought, and after 3 months Dad was discharged. He was already suffering from incontinence. And with limited mobility due to the stroke, I had no choice but to become a full time caregiver. I had to take care of Dad’s daily needs. There was no one else for me to turn to for help. Or advise. I was thrown into this situation whether I liked it or not. Why? Because one sibling flatly refused to take care of Dad. And the other prefers to engage in lip service.

After Dad’s discharge, his condition progressively deteriorated. Dad is now 82 years old. He is at stage 4 colorectal cancer. He has early dementia. And an ongoing heart condition, irregular heartbeat. The cancer had spread throughout his body and doctors gave a prognosis of 3 to 6 months to live. From being able to walk with a walking stick for a distance of 30 metres, Dad could barely stand now. He needs help in standing up. In fact, he needs help to do most things. Out of the 6 ADLs, Dad can only perform 1, which is eating. That too, will require assistance soon as his trembling hands do not seem to be able to function in the near future. The situation is heading towards Dad being bedridden. When? Only time will tell, and it is probably sooner than later.

Not having worked for 2 years now, I no longer have any savings. Neither does Dad. Everything was used up. I have no income. But Dad does receive government assistance due to his medical condition. Sadly, the meagre amount received could barely cover household bills. Dad and I are literally surviving on scraps. Whatever funds I am able to come up with, it is used for Dad’s needs: most of it for food, then diapers, medication, and whatever is left, for household items such as soap and detergent. We need financial help to survive.

- R

I represent R. R is a friend. As a friend, I want to help R to focus on Dad and not worry about living expenses. Thus, the setting up of this crowdfunding effort. Your donations will tremendously help to ease their burden financially. It is already mentally and physically exhausting to be a full time caregiver for a person nearing his end of life, R needs to have one less thing to worry about.