Help a domestically abused guy speak to his children

Fundraising campaign by Adam S
  • £80.00
    raised of £55,000.00 goal goal
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2 Donors

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Hi - some you know me personally. Some of you I have had consultations with for my CPTSD. Some of you have never met me in person....just on-line - and others of won't know me at all I guess. Only a few of you know my full story. So this may or may not come as a bit of a shock. I'm a British guy. My middle name is Adam and I am using this for here - I cannot show my face or pictures of my children as I have been threatened with blackmail and being taken to Court / deportation / Jail if I try to speak out about the abuse being directed towards me by my soon to be ex-wife and her family.

However, anyone who wishes to check who I am before donating then I am very happy to communicate if I can ascertain who you are - as my ex has people stalking myself and my partner all over.


I am presently hanging on to what's left of my life and mental health in South East Asia - down to the last few GBP/USD I have left on high interest credit cards. I honestly don't know quite how I got here - my life seems ruined and everything very unreal. It's like something out of a very bad movie and really is a case of 'Therefore but the Grace of God go I'.

Those of you who have known me for many years will recall how positive, fit and full of life I used to be. Now I am struggling with both physical and mental health challenges from the years of ongoing abuse. Up until now I have pretty much kept my silence on that side of things. I still tried to keep going...When guys get the courage to speak out and say they are being abused /controlled by their female partners - they aren't believed or even worse...told to suck it up like a man and grow a set - actually that's what my ex used to tell me...Additionallly I used to think this was all my fault that I was being treated this way - that somehow I deserved it. That again is what she used to infer. If only I just wouldn't be so annoying / ask her for help / want to have an input in what i thought best for the children etc. Basically I was ok and it seemed she could be very nice at times - just as long as we were and and the world were doing everything the way she wanted.

I've been and still am working at what I can online to make some income and trying to help others for free / low cost but poor wifi / dying laptop and the harassment /attacks by my ex on the sites I've been trying to set up with my current partner have hindered so much...especially my mental health.

I am now facing what feels insurmountable odds - next month I run out whatever monies I have left on the current credit cards that are keeping me with a roof over my head, food in my stomach. I have never been in debt before meeting my ex - EVER.

She has taken my only income / wages, the Joint Business we set up together and I help build, she has the house which she does not live in - she lives with her parents withour two young children - she will not sell the house, buy me out or even release my belongings from inside the house for them to be sold in order to help me surivive a little bit longer. I am being abused, oppressed and exploited and so are my two children by all of this

As I am in locked down in Asia I cannot qualify for Legal Aid, even though what I am being dragged through is Domestic Abuse. I cannot claim any UK or Asian financial help - I receive no benefits and am fighting against massive odds.

The British Embassy cannot do much other than send me to the UK but I cannot return to the UK due to my CPTSD and I have no access to my marital home as my ex changed the locks - I stupidly suggested this as I was so concerned about her and the children's safety when she alleged that she was in fear of her 'bullying and controlling father' coming after her and the children if she tried to take the children home, instead of having them live at her parents house.' She never gave me a key even though I am still on the mortgage and deeds there. This is from the same woman who has now been living happily with them for 2.5 years and tells me I deserve less than a penny from myinvestments of my own moneyin the home or the joint business.

Plus the death threats and transgender hate comments with nothing the UK Police can really do and Covid make that a very risky concept.

Also I can't claim any benefits - again as I am in Asia. Even if I were able to be back in the UK I have to wait 3-4 months before being able to claim any benefits, housing help or even register with a GP as I have been outside of UK for more than 3 months!

Thank you so much British Government - part of the reason why I am in that position is your NHS Mental Health Services failed me and my children in 2008 and 2015 after two sudden deaths that triggered my CPTSD to worsen on top of the abuse in the marriage. When my head started to really not function then my ex started to become ever more verbally abusive and controling of me due to my vulnerable state, takeing full advantage of my compromised thinking to coerce and manipulate and pretty much hollow me out with daily brain washing / psychological abuse / mind games. I was literally fading away before her eyes and she just ignored my pleas. I had to take the radical step I did to live outside of the UK to survive psychologically.


I never abandoned my children - I spent 18 months in the UK all but agorophobic, living behind a closed curtain a I couldn't bear to see triggers outside. Most people have understandably struggled with being inside in lockdown with Covid for 9 months...I was living that existance without being able to tell anyone and being totally isolated for 18 months.

I was stonewalled, isolated from outside support and ostricised by my ex and her children - especially my eldest child - were always at the grand parents house. When our first child was born and myhead was still functionong well our babywas never withus - well hardly - she was ALWAYS being taken to the grandparents. I was concerned and sitressed as to why and thought this was Post Natal Depression. So I gently supported my wife, got us private counselling helpand tried all I could to speak to her father in particular - who my ex was teling me was undermining her and making her feel like a bad mum...stopping her from bringing the baby was like they were our daughters parents not me or my ex.

I was told very clearly I was welcome to come and see mydaughter anytime I wished - next door! When I tried to get our daughter home my ex would turn on me - shouting, screaming not to interfere...she had got it all sorted but she never did have it sorted. In the end I learned to shut up and accept the situation as the verbally aggressive attacks from my ex were like rages and I was punished by sulking silence / stonewalling.

The verbal attacks coupled with stonewalling of silence or being shouted and sworn at when I used to try and plead for us all to leave the UK werre pretty much coming from her on a daily basis.

In the end I felt a useless father, husband and thought I was the issue. I was trying to get help but no help was coming fast. I couldn't stop / protect the children hearing these shouting matches. At times when I was visibly distressed and trapped / agoraphobic in the UK home I was shouted at to 'get out', 'take my s#it elsewhere'...on other ocassions I was screamed at 'I want a lover, husband, best friend, father for the children...I don't want to be your carer'. Not that I wanted a carer either - I was asking for us to leave the UK so I could function and helpas a dad should. My ex wasn't listening /didn't appear ro care. In the end - I was in very bad mental shape - I concluded I should try remove myself for a two week period.

I didn't know how I'd do it but if I could get to the Canary Islands I knew there were no triggers there. My thinking was to give the family a break from me and my burden and to try and sort my head out. When I got there I could function like a normal person again...and when I wasn't dealing with the CPTSD and abusive comments...then I started to realise the abuse I'd been receiving in the many years of my marriage was very wrong and not all down to my CPTSD.

I'd been trying to get back on my feet in the Canary Islands and heal from the Complex Post Traumatic Disorder since 2017. The the sudden death of my dad in 2008, followed by the tragic death of our middle baby who was stillborn just a few weeks before he was due in 2015 did not help my mental health but the abuse in my marriage and parental alienation being carried out against me even when I was in the marital home really were the bigger causes for the state it has now reached.


I am being subjected to on-line character smears, stalking, financial abuse, psychological abuse, death threats, intimidation, threats of deportation /jail and LGBTQ / transgender hate from my soon to be ex and her family. Her campaign of fear is staggering - I have no clue what I did that was so wrong to deserve the abuse about my mental health, transgender status / sexuality. I'd been asking for an amicable divorce since 2017 - tried and tried to remain working in our Joint business as it's pretty much all I could do due to the state of my mental health issues yet even this has been controlled, blocked and mywages were always controlled.

When my ex slashed my wage ever lower and stopped the children coming to see me or me to see them - despite my issues with flying into the UK - I made the decision to come to Asia to do charity marketing work with my then online contact but now partner in October 2019. Myex was still refusing to divorce, reduced me economically and I just saw I had to just start a new chapter and try to move on from this abusive, controlling marriage / business dynamic I'd been trapped in for over 12 years.

My ex knew where I was going...and we agreed I would still work remotely on the web stuff for our business in return for small wage.

However, since January 2020 have been withstanding - and still am - the most horrific and unrelenting campaign of parental alienation - my two children are now 4 and 9 years old and I have been stopped from speaking with them since July 2020 with zero good reason other than my ex does not like my current partner's advocacy for Male Survivor's of Domestic Abuse.

Taking full advantage of our early Covid lockdown and chaos in March 2020 here in Asia, meaning I couldn't start to establish my intended charity and business activities out here and have literally had spend the past 9 months watching the money I took out on credit cards slip away each month on living costs to just stay in lock down, my ex and / or her father:

  • Stopped me from being a dad or playing a part in the children's lives even when I was in the UK
  • Stopped me speaking to the children on several ocassions for no good reason at all other than punishment
  • Made several death threats and transgender hate comments towards myself and my partner - reported to UK Police
  • Ridiculed /attacked my CPTSD / OCD mental health issues - saying they are a 'cop out / p#ss poor excuse'
  • Outted my transgender status on my partner's business social media sites - reported to UK police
  • Attacked, stalked and harrassed me and my partner via all channels online , text, e-mail, phone calls - these still continue- Reported to UK Police
  • Fraudulently used my ID and signature to steal not just the Joint Business websites but also a sole one websiites. All of these I had created and were held in my sole personal domain account - Reported to UK Police
  • Tried to cause hassle for myself and my partner with the UK Police, immigration etc - making false accusations
  • Made - still is - threats of intimidation / blackmail
  • Stopped my small wages that she knew I was relying upon to contribute to the minimum card payments and could also allowme to pay for legal help
  • Removed me without my consent or awareness as Director of the Joint business and appointed additional shareholders - again to remove and oppress my rights
  • Dragged me through a disciplinary process which nearly finished me psychologically and fired me - despite letters from my psychologist saying I was not well enough

So much more

It has been and still is soul destroying. I am still trying to fight on.



For the last three years on and off I have been trying to get help from UK solicitors, Charities due to my financial straight-jacket and control by my ex.

Still tried to work / reason with myex...driven myself half crazy going round and around in her loop of abuse. I tried to get myself out of the nightmare by moving forwards on huge credit card debt but took at 0% to start of course no-one could have foreseen Covid. It was a calculated risk and I had thought through my plan to be able to pay it back but of course nowthat has been ripped up by lockdowns etc and my mental and physical health has seriously declined - I have chest pains, blurred vision and fainting attacks that I need to get checked out but cannot justify the cost. Working with poor vision is very slow now. This has taken me hours to write.

My current partner and I do not have any income to speak of. My partner is aslo starting from scratch herself after Covid stripped her of her business. Here in Asia everyone get zero to very little benefits / financial support. For example - food wise all she received was some eggs and rice but it was enoughto keep alive.

As mentioned I am also doing what I can online buidling websites to try and bring in passive income.

Every solicitor / lawyer wants to charge me over $/£50,000+ to include petitioning for Court Order to be able to speak to my children, take action over the business and wages I have been stripped of, apply for temporary financial support and take action for my ex's online defamation and libel damages against our characters and business attempts. I don't have access to this money - it's crazy that in order to get fair justice and for the children to know their father you have to have money. I do have money- it's just my ex has taken it!


As mentioned, I have money tied up in the UK marital home and the business but in order to access this and also compensation / financial support for damages I need to pay a solicitor / lawyer in advance.


All I am seeking is fair justice for what has been done to me and my children and access to speak again to my two children without constant abuse from my ex.

They deserve to know and have their father in their lives. When some parents world over choose to turn their backs on their children and reallydo abandon them I have NEVER done so and still keep trying to be in their lives despite everything being done to me. I have no clue what the children are being told about why I am not in contact - I fear their brains are being filled with hate. It's sickening.

Online I am told that my ex is painting a picture of me leaving her and the children to run around Asia with my current partner - I am being smeared as an alleged Narcissist, Serial Cheater, not paying for the children and worse. My ex is not telling the full background as to how I ended up having to leave, how I was always paying towards the children until she stopped my wages in March 2020 and that I have been asking for a divorce for over 2.5 years and living apart before I even met my current partner who is the ONLY partner I have had since my marriage...not that I should have to justify but I have nothing to hide!

Anything you can contribute will help me massively - I cannot offer lots in return but as you can see we can offer online Voice Coaching and I can offer you website design / membership website creation for any subject if you need these for business or personal matters.

Your donation will be used to:

  • Instruct Solicitor / Lawyer to seek Cout Order so mychildren can hear from their dad again and make financial arrangements
  • Instruct a Solicitor / Lawyer to Petition for Relief for Prejudicial Treatement of me as a Shareholder / compensation for unfair dismissal
  • Instruct a Solicitor / Lawyer to take Civil Action for Defamation, Fraud and related acts
  • Obtain mental health support and housing for my children and myself - as they are likely equally victims of psychological / emotional damage
  • Any monies not used will be used via my partner's Male Survivor's of Abuse Advocacy and awareness to help other guys and families like me access legal and psychological support - including LGBTQ+ - globally. It will also be used by myself to raise better awareness of Men's and Dad's Mental Health needs especially CPTSD.

After what I have been through - and If I make it out alive - I think now is the time for me to lend my voice to what my current partner is doing for other abused guys.

I always said to her not to do anything in my name, mostly for fear of losing contact with the children and trying not to provoke my ex further.

These days I have nothing left to lose. If my ex wants to take me to Court then I will do so. I always tried to be amicable and hoped for an amicable divorce but it is becoming apparent that sadly this is never going to be what my ex wants.

Now I am focused on trying to survive, rebuild my life and remain a part of my children's lives - if they still want me in it after all the enforced silence from me by my ex. I pray that one day, when they are old enough, they will hear the full story. I hope it will be directly from me but some days I really think I'm not going to be around to tell them it. I pray I am wrong. This needs to stop - abuse is abuse no matter man or woman or otherwise.

Thank you in advance for anything you can send.

If you are a guy or know of a guy who is battling similar abuse whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic, financial, parental alienation or LGBTQ+ hate please keep reaching out to be seen, believed and heard. Help me / us raise our voices and visibility. Myheart goes out to you. No-one deserves to be abused.

Sincerely 'Adam'


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  • Anonymous
  • Donated on Jan 01, 2021
  • Abuse is wrong in every way and I hope your partner reunites with his children, heal and overcome I hope all goes well. Happy new year 💕

  • Nic Steltzer
  • Donated on Dec 31, 2020

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Donors & Comments

2 donors
  • Anonymous
  • Donated on Jan 01, 2021
  • Abuse is wrong in every way and I hope your partner reunites with his children, heal and overcome I hope all goes well. Happy new year 💕

  • Nic Steltzer
  • Donated on Dec 31, 2020


Margaret Deegbe

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