Gender Reassignment Mental Illness

Hi my name is jun jie and I’m turning 19 this year the reason why I’m starting this fund is because currently I’m suffering from gender dysphoria since when i was around 10-11 that was the first time i started crossdressing and till this day the thought of changing my gender won’t go away it’s stuck on my mind 24/7 for the past 8-9 years. Whenever i wake up the first thing that came into my mind was to change my gender which causes me to break down and wish that i could go back to sleep and never wake up. I’m always thinking to myself why am i always thinking about this when i just wake up can’t i once just don’t even think about it but actually it’s not that I can’t that is my true identity and slowly i accepted it but it still causes me to think about it all the time which is making my depression worst as day goes by. Okay i know many of you will ask why don’t you go and look for a job? Currently right now I’m looking for a part time job and starting school soon I can’t be working full time since i have school right and that will take me a long period of time before i have the money and it’s not easy for me to find a job as i have visible tattoo especially in my country where society are more judgemental that’s also one of the reason. Also in my country all male have to enter the army it’s a must which will take up 2 years of my time and once I’m out I’m planning on going to the university which than i could only work part time too which will take me almost till my late 20’s if i were to have the money. On a side note I’m also suicidal mainly because of my gender and I don’t know how long more i could last. I would wish to live as someone i truly am before i leave this world. I really hope you guys could help me on this journey i really would appreciate it on improving my mental health and live as who i was suppose to be thank you so much!!