Life purpose. It is the one of the most profound pursuits in life.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II when I was 21 years old. Now I am 27 years old. I am here seeking generosity from others to help make my impossible dream come true. Here is my story:
2011, 21 years old: I am a graduate with an average GPA of 2.9 from Republic Polytechnic with a Diploma in Biotechnology in 2009. My weekends during my studies was occupied with working part time at a bookstore in Orchard Road. I serve the army for 2 years. After National Service, I had a manic high episode around October. I was warded in a psychiatric ward for over a month. They advice my parents to sent me to IMH as my condition is still bad. My mom decided to bring me home instead. I tried to pursue my studies but I was rejected to do life sciences because of my GPA. The other option was private university but it was risky at that time as there was plenty of cases of the private courses being closed down abruptly.
2012, 22 years old: After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II, I suffered with depression and attempted suicide. I did work randomly in many industries but could not function like a normal person. On average, I lasted a week or a month in a new job. The psychiatric medication did not help. Some of the side effects was unable to sit still. I pace around anxiously every time. All my so called friends abandon me, it was my turning point. Friends that matters in life are those who will be with you when you are down too. There was only 1 friend out of the many I met from school that try to contact me. I was devastated. Life was zero. I affected my family negatively. My negative energy drain them. I felt toxic to them.
2013, 23 years old: Around early of that year, I decide to try and kill myself on 5th attempt. Overdose on sleeping pills. I had no purpose in life. I even thought of begging for money on the street. I had nobody to go out with. All I had was a $50 note throughout that year. Living with family, I did not spent anything. I just stayed home and gave up. My parents rush me to ER, they force the pills out of my stomach. The next day, an officer came to warn me if I attempt suicide, I be sent to prison. I came home and got angry. I prayed for the first time in a long time. I shouted at God to "Give me something. Anything." I do not know what else I should do. I applied for a lab job on that day. Somehow, I got my purpose. I was employed in a chemistry lab as an analyst. Finally, I felt purpose and had a little faith to live again. Being in a place of zero, my motto in life change, "Hey its a fresh start." I started to learn to love myself and started to build new relationships. I even decided to do my solo trip to Bali for a weekend. The moment I felt that it is going to be okay was on my monthly trip alone to T.I.M.B.R.E. The band on stage start singing about me enjoying the music and eating my buffalo wings alone. There was a period that my family member was fired. I had to take up a second job as a waiter in the evening to help the family. 2013 was a blessing indeed. I even completed my driving license in a year.
2014, 24 years old: Apart from my occasional backpacking trips and work, I decide to give further studies another try. A friend suggested free education in Europe but I needed to learn the local language. I enrolled in German language intensive at GOETHE Institute for a month. The classes was in the morning. My boss was kind enough to let me pursue this goal. I was in German class in the morning and then work till 11pm in a new department, microbiology (they had afternoon shift which fits my schedule). It was difficult to manage it. I pushed through. I needed intermediate level to qualify for an entrance exam in Germany.
2015, 25 years old: After failures and passes, I manage to attain a B1 level in German around August 2015. During that year, I also took on an apprenticeship as an entrepreneur in a startup. The normal route would be to try Australia, U.K. or U.S.A. But it was just too expensive. It would cost 60k to 100k for 3 years. Private university in Singapore will not be in same par as local universities. I see the career position and salary differences that private university graduates are facing in Singapore in my Life Science industry. I would also have to save up about $30,000 for private university here. Germany has a free tuition fee policy. I would only have to save up for my cost of living.
2016, 26 years old: I continued saving up and proceeded to finalize my entrance exam dates in Germany. My first time to Europe to sit for an entrance exam so as to be accepted in a German University. The competition was high especially because of the huge influx of Syrian refugee. It was much harder to get a place in the university. I sat for 2 exams but did not make it. I came back to Singapore to continue working and save up again. I also arrange my first family trip to Bali. This was my parents second time on a plane.
2017, 27 years old: Beginning of the year, I flew back to Germany to resit for the exam. Yet again I did not make it. The exams was a German language paper and a Mathematics paper which is in German too. I flew back to Singapore to continue working. My boss was supportive of my pursuits. The Germany studies dream was over. I tried Singapore again - NTU,SMU,SIT,SUTD. They all rejected me. NTU had a mature candidate application. Their requirement was above 25 years old with 4 years working experience. I re-appealed for some of these Universities but got rejected. I realize my dream of attaining my bachelors degree was dim and hopeless. I just wanted to get a life science degree. Things at home was not any good. I told my parents that I wanted to move out and live on my own. I just wanted my own space. But they were against it. I felt stuck as a 27 year old. My savings was dwindling away after those 2 trips trying to get a place to study in Germany. I was stagnant in my position at work. I did not felt zero but I felt like a huge wall is blocking me to grow. On my second trip to Germany, my dad had a heart attack. He quit smoking. I was really frustrated and did considered private university like PSB academy to pursue my life science degree. The disappointments and failures for the past few years felt hard on me. Desperate, I tried to apply for a life science degree from google search. Miraculously, I got into Poland now doing a Bachelors in Biotechnology. It cost about $5000 for tuition fees a year and cost of living is $5000. It was affordable. I was ecstatic on the offer. The good news came around July 2017. I had enough savings for a year. A month later, my mom had heart attack and stroke. It was one of the most difficult decision for me to move to Poland. The moment when the doctor started to tell my mom that she is having stroke attack the same day she had heart attack, nothing else could be as sad as this moment. I was undecided then about moving. She told me that I should go. Throughout my life and depression, my mom saved my life. She was there when I had nobody. She is due for heart surgery in January 2018. I have been in Poland since end September. Life is indeed a journey that everyone should live to their own potential. The day I stop feeling zero was the day I start working towards my dream.
I am new to crowdfunding but all I am asking is to help me fund my studies and livelihood here so I could graduate to come back home to my family. My mom used to be there for me all the time but now I want to be there for her and show her that I am doing this for myself and the family.
I welcome my generous donors for any request like a skype video chat or even coffee if I am back in Singapore. I do not have much to offer back but I shared a bit of my life with you. It has been full of upheavals, disappointment, excitement, sadness, grief and intense years of my 20s. I am looking forward to hearing from you.