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Caera Grace Agduma

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flag Antipolo, Rizal, ph

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Ephesians 5:8 “For at one time you were darkness…” God has been really faithful with me even though I’ve ignored Him for so many times in my life. I grew up in a Christian church under the care of my past grandfather who was a reverend/missionary of certain church. Growing up, my grandfather trained and taught me bible stories and everything about Jesus and I was just 5 years old when I started. Until my grandfather died and I think that’s when I started losing my faith to God. As I grew up, I started conforming myself into the world. I still go to church from time to time and participate in church activities but it was passive… until I don’t really go to church anymore. I used to have perfect family. Then Satan destroyed and broke us apart and I was just 15 years old. I felt like I’ve carried the burden of our family’s tragedy. I grew up without proper guidance from parents or family until I totally destroyed myself by getting drunk and wasted every night. Sneaking out and going home late, sexual immorality, smoking weeds with my friends and there was even one time when I beat up my mom. It went on and on even when I get to college. I couldn’t stay in one university. I couldn’t even finish a semester or anything because I keep finding myself some sense of belonging, care, attention. love and I thought I already had it in my partying days and worldly things. I even inclined myself to Witchcraft because of Harry Potter. On my soul searching and home searching, I created my sort of mask and alter-ego in the name of Ryxxie. I made myself so liberated and in love with the world. My alter- ego tells me to lose myself and just have fun. I even have multiple personalities depending on who I was with. I don’t have my own identity. I have done naughty things because that was my concept of freedom that time. Satan fed me so many lies until I felt like I’ve lost my self-worth already Then I met this guy and made him my everything. I ran away with him and brought him to my hometown and lived in with him for 2 years. All the while, for us to survive, I became a singer and performer in this certain gay-ish bar. In other word, I let Satan use my talent in singing for his worldly and wicked schemes. I have to work in that bar so I can sustain our needs and to prove my mom that he can survive in our house that she doesn’t have to pay for his food and everything. It was all okay until he changed into another person and didn’t even know him anymore. I was losing him and he was my everything. I thought I don’t have anyone anymore… and because of that, I planned on killing myself because I thought I was worthless and I thought that there was no more hope. My everything, which is my (ex) boyfriend, is drifting away from me and so was my life. I wasn’t even thinking twice anymore of committing suicide. Then on September 3, 2012 (I have planned this date as my death date) I was going to post my suicide note/status on Facebook. Everything was already written and I was only about to click the POST button and kill myself in a quick way until… CONVERSION (Ephesians 5:9 “…but now you are light in the Lord.”) …I saw my friend Bessy’s Facebook post on my news feed about her jail ministries and how happy she is right now with her life in serving the Lord. I was really amazed and blessed by her transformation because I know who she was before she went back to God. I have seen her backsliding days, I have heard her stories of partying or even how she can have a guy she wants… everything. I knew her old herself. And I now I see her wearing that glorious smile on her photos on Facebook. I have seen a spark of hope from her post. It was unexplainable. I can’t even explain how amazing it was. It was like God used her as a light for me to follow while I was in the shadow of death. Until this very day, I am still thankful for God’s faithfulness and love for me. God indeed moves in mysterious ways. He rescued me right before Satan can fully get a hold on me forever. So then, that moment that I saw her post, I privately sent her a message saying… “Ate Bes, I’m so lost ba. Help me find my way back please.” And right when I sent that, her brother texted me and I knew God led him to talk to me because I was a really in a great struggle that time. God also used him to talk to me and give me the words of life that I could still cling to. God is really using angels to rescue us from death and danger. It was just amazing miracle how God moved me and tap the seed inside me. Then Ate Bessy’s brother, Ramboy, told me to come and attend this fellowship where Ate Bessy’s going preach. At first I told him that I can’t go… and there was sudden earthquake. And it was really an anointed place because the people around are Christians. How did I know? While there was an earthquake, everyone around us are saying “In Jesus Name”. it was also a warning to me in a way… and so I said I told Ramboy that I’m going to that fellowship. 4th of September, it was my first time to attend a fellowship in a long time again and even heard Ate Bessy’s preaching. It was a battle at first because I really feel like I’m unworthy and I was really shameful. It’s like facing God after hiding from Him for a long time. But when Ate Bessy played this video called “A Father’s Love Letter” I cried so much and something moved inside me and I felt a sudden fire in me that’s about to burn inside my heart. It was like God directly talking to me and telling me to come back to him and to cast all my burdens to him because He loves me so much and He have better plans for me. It was really anointing and moving… from that day on, I felt a change in myself. It wasn’t that huge at first but I felt it in my heart that I am about to be set free from this illusion of freedom I was holding to for so long… After the fellowship, Ate Bessy started talking to me. We had some one on one sharing and went on to Discipleship. She told me everything that’s been missing and gave me bible verses that really moved me in my heart and comforted me. Indeed, God’s word is just powerful. After talking to Ate Bessy, she challenged me to let go of my job as a singer in a bar and even my worldly things.. one by one.. step by step. And when I got home, I started praying… it was hard but I have done it. I talked to God for the first time again in a long time. I asked forgiveness and I told Him that I’m going to repent my ways. I asked Him to send the Holy Spirit to guide me and release me from my worldly habits and ways. I told Him to really take away my urge of getting drunk or wasted and lustful thoughts. And God really did move and took it away. I quit my job; I don’t have the urge to drink anymore. My lustful thoughts are lessened, everything is just going well. I read my bible and do my quiet time with God. Also, when I attended the jail ministry I was more blessed with the lives of the inmates there who, even though they are physically imprisoned, but they are free in spirit. They are still praising and worshiping God shamelessly and I was really blessed. Until such time that God took away “my everything” and that was my boyfriend. We broke up and through God’s mercy I was comforted and had a graceful exit from that terrible and wrong relationship. But then blessings came pouring down… restoration of my family, provisions (like I don’t have to worry about my financial life), healing, material things and the relationship with my mom and dad. It was just amazing. There were persecutions but I hold on to God’s promises. And one by one, God had overcome. And then I started losing myself and allowed the Lord Jesus Christ to fully and completely take a hold of my life… and then suddenly my cocoon cracked open… PRESENT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” I AM NOW A BUTTERFLY… “I don’t wanna go back Lord to the way I used to live before you rescue me…” This line in a song Fire Burns by Jon Owens hit me for the first time I heard this song. I really don’t want to go back there from the way I used to live. I don’t want to be in the darkness anymore. With God’s wisdom and guidance, God led and used me to many battles in proclaiming and spreading His glory and word. I am now doing devotions and conducting bible study together with my sisters in Christ in jail ministries, I am challenging and giving out my testimony to my family, friends, young people. I’ve been in this mission outreach at a remote mountainous area. Then on January 19, 2013, God sent me to a big adventure. I graduated in YOUTH WITH A MISSION: Discipleship Training School (DTS) in Antipolo City, Metro Manila. It was an awesome 6 months of my life with the Lord. From there I have known God more and who I am in the Lord. I have experienced His love, grace, mercy and miracles..sign and wonders. 3 months of LECTURE phase (Knowing GOD) and 3 months of OUTREACH (Making GOD known), we went around almost the major parts of Luzon: Mindoro, Romblon, Bulacan, Alabat Island (Quezon Province), Nueva Ecija and Nueva Viscaya. It was an amazing journey for me and I had so much breakthroughs in my life. I experienced GOD and WHO HE IS. He\'s really amazing, I don\'t even have the words to say or type right now to describe it. I’m using my skills and talent for God’s glory and I always have my quiet time with God. I don’t just pray to Him but I let the Lord speak to me. My prayer life is amazing and even though through my quiet time God has given me many warnings and threat of persecutions from enemies, He will always let remind me of who He is in my life and His promises despite of any circumstances. My walk with the Lord is just amazing and incredible. Left and right revelations and poured out blessings. Even how He gives me wisdom on everything I do. And God even made me a living testimony to many people and to my friends and people who know me. It just all started when I let God get rid of myself and surrendering everything that I know will just pull me back down to darkness. And as I live my life, I always declare this verse… Galatians 2:20 “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” I am not yet perfect but I continually seek God and listening to His directions. OBEDIENCE is the key for me. OBEDIENCE to Him and walking with the FEAR OF THE LORD. I chose to PLEASE GOD more than MEN. I just love the Lord so much. And I thanked Him for blessing me good relationships with my family, friends and yes my boyfriend. I always see to it that Jesus is the center of my every relationship. I couldn\'t ask for more because I believe inF my heart that ONLY God knows what\'s best for me. At the moment, my ministry is starting. I am already beginning to minister to some of my friends and some young people who are experiencing pain, emotional distress and depression. Most of them are my friends before who I was with when I was still in my rebel day. God is awesome, He is really sovereign. I am sharing my testimony to them and even leading some of them to Jesus Christ. With the help of the Holy Spirit. I am just TRUSTING the Lord in every area of the ministry He\'s leading me to... financial, spiritual, emotional, mental.. everything. And God is ever faithful to provide it. He\'s leading people to bless me and He\'s blessing them as well.. HUNDREDFOLD. God gave me visions and goals in advancing His kingdom. Hearing His voice and believing in my heart that Jesus is coming sooooon and believers must move and battle. An army is rising for the GLORY OF GOD. Also, presently.. God gave me a vision of reaching out to the lost through Photography... everything is being unfolded one by one... GOD IS IN CONTROL and I just need to trust and obey. And by next year, SCHOOL OF WORSHIP in YWAM Australia (Perth). In the name of Jesus. Amen. God gave me the heart to reach out the lost... For at one time I was lost and now found.

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