Hi everyone. My name is Alex, I am 18 years old and I am from South Africa. I am doing my first year at the University of Johannesburg. I was born female but i never felt like a female in the inside, instead I feel like a boy traped in a girls body, which is a really hard thing to deal with. I have been living as a boy my whole life under my supportive mom and dad, but then my dad passed away when i was seven. I never liked girls clothes or playing with girls toys. My dad bought me a bike when i was five, it was bigger than me so I would always fall, then hear him say, "you a boy right, boys don't cry", then I would not, because i knew I was a boy and I wanted to prove I was even stronger. I useeto live a happy life as a kid because everyone would see me as a boy that I reay am. It always feels good when an elder would call me "my boy". I had friends who were boys and would aswell pass as a boy without any hint showing that i was different. My life changed when i started to hit puberty. I started suffering, because my body started to develop more like a female body, developing hips and breasts. I started hating myself because this is not how I needed to be, not how i imagined my life to be. I always identified myself with a male body. To have no breasts, no hips, have muscles and a penis. Peeing not standing while seeing all my friends doing it always reminded me I was different. Puberty made me start developing serious feelings for girls and started having my wet dreams which girls dont get. I started hiding my body, binding my breasts and wearing big clothes even when it is hot outside. I would rather let people call me crazy than calling me a girl. At high school females strictly had to wear skirts. Was my first time in Grade 8 wearing a skirt, but I went to the office crying, accompanied by my mom. She and I were begging them to let me wear pants. They did let me wear pants. Learners at school would call me names like 'fag', it really hurt. I never identified myself with lesbian girls but everyone would say I was lesbian because I am a girl who is into girl but I am just a boy who like girls like any other boy, that is how I want to be seen. I was not using any toilet at school, because I never wanted to use girls toilets and I was staying away from boys toilets avoidind getting harassed. When I liked a girl its hard for me to tell her because I fear rejection or her telling me she is not into girls. I prefer straight girls than lesbian girls because a straight girl will treat me the way I want to be treated. A boy. Biological guys would say things like " you not a boy you a girl so better start acting like one because you will never make up in the morning with a penis. my answer would always be "it doesn't take one to have a penis to prove they are man enough'. I had to stay alive for my mom even though I would think of suicide sometimes. When I see guys with thier shirts off i get jelouse because I cant take mine off. I wish I can. My mother works as a cleaner, she doesnt earn much and cant help me any further she only could find me a psychologist who told her i was suffering from gender dysphoria and the only treatment for that is taking T hoemones and surgery. I was so happy to hear that i can transition but... i dont have any money to pay for all that Its been three years now since I knew about transitioning. The is a public hospital that i searched about and agrees to dose me and perform the surgeries but.... i dont have money to pay for all that. I need your help, please help me. I need to be happy and live my real life. Love you all. Kind regards Alex (True-love Khumalo).