Hey!! So, gather round mein Lieben Kinder and hear a horror story...
So this monday just gone, I, Oozing Gloop, did a FABULOUS magic show, at my new weekly club night in Berlin; full of oysters, pearls, flames, fun and of course: Bonnie Tyler. Which had everyone in a FANTASTIC mood. Which resulted in me and my lover taking home- a third person, for some scandelous hi-jinks! Which then petered out, he left, we fell asleep in a happy daze.
However, upon waking, I went through to the sitting room and saw the cash box from the night there, opened it up to find only ten euros plus assorted change, instead of the 50 euros and assorted change that was supposed to be there! This asshole, WHO COULDN'T EVEN GET IT UP PROPERLY, had stolen €40 of donations for the magic show! Oysters, flames, fun & Bonnie Tyler- repaid not with stiff salutations but limp 3some theft!
So in somewhat of a betrayal daze or panic; trying to work out if what it looked liked had happened, had happened? Also feeling embarassed and ashamed that I'd been so naive; TOOK THE BIG HEAVY MONEY BOX INTO MY ROOM...
Now this is where the #real magick happens.
Where I was thrilled and relieved to see my new laptop hadn't been stolen. So I folded it down quickly, put the money box on top to hoard my precious valuables, and process the act of theft that had just occurred.
ONLY IT TURNS OUT A GODDAMN NAIL FILE WAS IN THE LAPTOP WHEN I FOLDED IT AND THE WEIGHT OF THIS MONEY BOX CAUSED THE SCREEN TO CRACK! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
AND OF COURSE THE ONE THING I MEANT TO DO AND DIDN'T DO WAS GET INSURANCE ON IT!!!
IT'S NOT EVEN 4 FUCKING WEEKS OLD! AHHHHHHH!
So having spent 18 hours solid more or less trying to sort it with the apple store and an external monitor and different VGA versus HDMI adaptors etc. etc. the long and the short of it is, the goddamn screen needs to be replaced and it's gonna cost 750.
The warranty won't cover it, I'm definitely not slick enough to pull off insurance fraud, we've estabilshed my earning power is peanuts. So the one and only option is....
YOU! THE PEOPLE! THE ONES I LIVE MY LIFE AND MAKE ALL MY ART FOR!
Becuase frankly if I were the kind of person who didn'tr end up in these situations, it just wouldn't be the Gloop you know.
HAVING SAID THAT I HAVE LEARNT MY LESSON AND I AM VERY SORRY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE THIS LITTLE CRIP QUEER DRAG-DREG A SECOND CHANCE WITH THIS LAPTOP!!! PLEASE! IT'S ALL SO NEW AND UNFAMILAR AND SCARY AND I WAS CONFUSED BUT NOW, Now I know. :'(
There is of course though, a lot on offer! Check out all the fabulous prizes you can get for giving in and getting Gloop back the laptop she needs to make movies 4 u!!
5 gets you... A FULL SET OF GRINDR NUDES.
Thats right! Throw me a bone and I'll throw you one back! And quite frankly if this doesn't work out sex work is the only option, So best to start off small!
10 gets you... AN ASSORTED SET OF PHOTOS FROM THE AWFUL JOURNEY!
Posted to your door! Physical prints of actual art work of an actual 100 mile drag pilgramage performed in 2016!
15 gets you... A BITCH CLOTH!! A hand embroided piece of patriarchy polish remover!!
Or for 15 you could get your own personal copy of.... GLOOP! THE MOVIE!
THE 50 MINUTE LONG FEATURE CONTAINING TRACE EVIDENCE OF BOTH THE AWFUL AND AWESOME JOURNIES, COMPLIMENTARY PILGRAMAGES CONSTITUTING 500 MILES OF JOURNIES PERFORMED!
FOR A MERE 25- THE SUPER DELUX BUNDLE!
Gloop! The Movie! A bitch cloth! A set of the awful jounrey physical photos, and finally some grindr nudes.
SO GO NUTS! PLEASE DONATE LIKE AND SHARE!
I LOVE YOU!