Fighting Depression – Keeping myself sane

Keeping myself Mentally healthy ♥

Hi, my name is Bela, 35 years old from Manila, Philippines. I currently live with my 64 year old mom, 61 year old aunt, and a 25 year old youngest brother. And this is my story.

5 years ago, I suffered into depression. I won't specify the reason why because it's too personal, but because of that, I couldn't sleep for a couple of days that eventually made me lost my mind, so I lost myself. I was hearing voices and people called me crazy, insane. Luckily, I have a very loving family who never gave up on me. After a series of therapy and medication, I got my sanity back and became normal again. However, I have to take a lifelong medication to keep myself sane. Unfortunately, though, November of last year, I nearly lost myself again. I tried not taking my meds hoping that I could sleep and carry on without taking them at all. I wanted to live normal without worrying of taking any meds anymore. But it didn't work the way I wanted. I couldn't sleep without them, and I started hearing voices again. Before I completely lose myself, my family noticed it and was able to save me. Thanks again to my family.

I didn't have any proper job since I got sick in 2015, it took years before I got a "fit to work" approval from my psychiatrist. When I got one, my older brother hired me as attendant to his small Computer rental shop, and I used the money that I earned to buy my maintenance meds, it was not high, but enough to cover my meds.

Because of the COVID pandemic, my brother's shop had to stop operating. Some of the businesses in Manila were allowed to resume in June, but computer rental shops are amongst the ones that still cannot open. And this is the only source of income of my older brother but he's now looking for job (I'm praying that he finds one soon since he has his own family to feed).

Since the start of Manila lockdown in March, my family has been struggling, my youngest brother's employment was placed on hold, he was working at a local motel which also had to stop its operations and hasn't resumed yet. My 61 year old aunt was an attendant to a school supplies shop, but had her employment placed on hold as well and it's nearly impossible for her to return since she's a senior citizen. My mom got a cash aid assistance from the government and most of it was used to buy my meds and I honestly felt bad about this.

My youngest brother has always been the one taking care of us (my mom, my aunt, and myself). But with the current situation and limited resources, I don't know how we can survive. They obviously worry about me more, about my meds.

I created this fundraiser as I want to seek help to those people who understand my situation, to those people who understand the challenge of being a mentally challenged individual. I hate to say this, but I need my medicines to keep going, I tried stopping it, but it didn't work.

I'm currently taking Olanzapine 10mg which costs Php100 (2 US$) each, and I have to take this daily. I know people like me will understand. I'm not really comfortable sharing my health information but I just really need help during this challenging time.

Thank you all so much in advance ♥♥♥