Im 40 years old and I served in HM Forces Army during my twenties and thirties. After leaving in 2005 i found myself in a very dark place in my life where I attempted suicide. I was later diagnosed with PTSD and depression. The cause of the PTSD was not only incidents and traumatic events from service in Iraq and kosovo but also incidents from my childhood that i have never been able to deal with.
After being diagnosed it took over a year for me to be offered any sort of counselling and my state of mind was so bad that I didnt leave my bedroom for about a year. During these dark times I had a very personal, spiritual experience that began a healing process and made me make major changes in my life. I didnt always choose the easy way and found myself making bad choices in life which subsequenlty taught me lessons and made me a stronger person.
Having done much work on myslef for many years I still found myself suffering from bouts of severe depression and I regulary had thoughts of suicide racing through my mind. The only thing that kept me from doing this was the thought of putting my mother through the pain of losing her son. Having watched her anguish whilst my sister was serving in Iraq I couldnt put her through any further turmoil.
I knew I couldnt continiue to keep living like this and I needed to find a resolution to my PTSD and start living again.
At the start of 2014 I found myself suffering with severe depression which made me question life and the society we live in. I saw the truth of what was actually going on in the world which upset me further. The world has become a society based on greed and consumerism. I know this is not an earth shattering discovery or even an uncommon view point but to me it was a powerful realisation.
Anyway I found myself aware of work being done in the world using entheogen's for personal healing. Now any sort of so called "illegal drug" use was far from my way of thinking but as I continued to research the subject I realised that I had been wrongly educated about entheogen's and their use in healing mental health problems so I decided to research further and chose to partake in a healing practice using the substance called psilocybin also known as the "magic mushroom". What happened over the coming months was life changing for me. I partook in numerous sessions which I cant describe on here as it would take too long. But I can say that on one of the journeys I was taken to a place of pure love and healing. I was taken on a journey where it stripped away all the baggage I was carrying with me for many years telling me that it was no longer needed and this was the biggest WOW moment of my life. I now know why hippies always said WOW! There is an intelligence within this substance that guides you through a healing process. Now wether this is all in the mind and an illusion it doesnt matter because it works. It has healed me! I have a greater understanding of life now, which is also just an illusion, and I want to now help others as I understand what this substance can do to help others who have suffered like me. I do know that not enough is being done to help servicemen and women both serving and veterans in the UK and USA as facts clearly state that in USA alone 22 service personnel are committing suicide each day and in the UK more service personnel are committing suicide than are actually losing there life as a direct result of war. The facts are out there and can easily be found. I know in the army the way to deal with everything was through alcohol fueled partying. Ive been there! But this doesnt deal with the problems it only suppresses it and buries it within the sub concious mind and later in life the PTSD will rear its ugly head! Alcohol, although legal is a more dangerous drug than many of the other so called "illegal drugs" and it doesnt allow you to think for yourself. Again the facts are out there. Now I come to the bit where I am asking for your help for me to achieve something in this world and to serve others who have been and are still on the path of self destruction I was on.
I am trying to raise funds to start a charity. I have big aspirations now, something that i have never had before and im not going to stop until i have created something that I can leave behind to help others. My big plan is to create a self funding retreat in either central or south America (due to laws in the UK i am unable to do it here). I also believe this to be a place of beauty and tranquillity which will provide the correct set and setting. I would like to provide a retreat using both ancient and modern treatments to help others. A place where people can go and be helped by these amazing drugs and have a system in place where people are not only healed but are prepared mentally and physically and have the correct tools and ideology to go back into society where in turn they can help others. But most importantly so they can be themselves and start living again and once again be happy. Now im not asking for much here as my plans are to target Corporations, banks, footballers, the famous, politicians, (especially those who agreed with the wars and have subsequently made personal gains from it) and the list goes on! All im asking from the general public is for help and to be given a chance. I am trying to get funding for the following: To start up a registered charity. To start up a website. To fund stationary to send letters both in person and by post to companies. I would like to carry out further research into Ayahuasca, an amazonian entheogen that has been used for thousands of years for healing and i plan on visiting Peru for 6 months and studying this, so any help to assit me here would be appreciated. Once all this is in place I can then think big!
Now I know many would probably shy away from a project like this due to the word "drug" but we have been mis educated about these drugs. It only takes 5 minutes on a google search to find out about the great work thats being done as you read this. There are sites like reset.me who provide a wealth of information and links to other people who are carrying out great work in this field. I am not a doctor, nor am I trained in anything related to the medical profession. But i do have much life experience, a good heart and I want to serve other... I also know that these drugs work. Ive been there and know that these are great healers... Anything to get me started on this project would be greatly appreciated and later in this project I will hopefully add rewards. It doesnt matter how long this takes me. Even if it takes me till the end of my time on this earth I will succeed in achieving my goals and ultimately helping others.
Thank you for reading