Dream, and Depression Suicidal Thought

My dream is to be certified as a tax accountant in Japan and have my own business to help foreigners who would like to open businesses in Japan.

There must be many people who want to move to Japan but are unable to do so due to the language barrier and local regulation.

But that dream has put on hold because of the worst and terrifying experience while I was living in a country in South East Asia.

I got scammed by loan sharks - illegal moneylenders.

I moved to this country one year and half years ago for my career. I was also studying to be a certified accountant.

And I needed a loan for tuitions. The bank couldn’t lend me because I was still new to the country.

And I found the website for a loan institution. I have provided my phone number and they have called me. I applied for a loan, and instantly approved. I was skeptical. After hearing the loan term. It was shocked that the interest rate is more than 30% in a weekly rate (not annual rate).

I refused and requested for the cancellation. They yelled at me. I was terrified. Then, they demanded a cancellation fee of doubled loan amount. I kept refusing to pay. But they harassed me by telling me to reveal all my personal information and the fact that I borrowed money illegally to my company and on the internet.

I did not know what to do but took a weekly loan. This was their strategy.

A week later, I paid off by paying the sky-rock interest. Then they started sending me money without my loan agreement. From that point, I was trapped. For the last 10 months or so, I suffered from their harassment and debt has increased to around approx. USD20,000, which started with that first loan USD2000.

I have been mentally depressed since then and became suicidal since April 2020. I could not confess this to my family, friend, and company because I was very ashamed of myself.

And I no longer be able to pay the illegal lenders. The harassment has escalated. I attempted the suicide for a couple times. But of course I couldn’t. I am a weak person.

On May 10th, 2020, My choice was to kill myself or ask for help.

At this moment, I hadn’t have a good sleep for a month, and I couldn’t eat at all. Due to Covid-19, I was stuck in my room. And I was just staring outside all day.

But somehow, I was writing to my friends and family in Japan for help. They bought an airplane ticket for me right away, and I escaped from the country next day.

I am back in Japan but still very much depressed. Sometimes I still think about disappearing.

however, I try to think positive. I still want to achieve my dream.

Due to the illegal lenders, my personal debt has increased because I was paying them using my credit cards and savings etc.

now I am back home in Japan. I want the second chance to restart my life from scratch, and work hard toward my dream.

I would like to ask you for favor for me to have therapist and recover also from the debt.

Thank you so much,

T