NEED IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE FOR RECENT & CURRENT EMERGENCIES & FUNDS TO RETURN HOME TO DIE
[ORIGINAL CAMPAIGN: 4/30/19. 10 UPDATES IN 2019. 1 IN 2020. STILL NO RESPONSE.]
☆•☆ Constantly short of money due to non-living wage income provided by "The GSPP" - "The Gov't Sanctioned Poverty Program" - the joke of a program commonly known as "SOCIAL SECURITY." I receive SSD - SOC SEC DISABILITY - for the permanently/totally disabled, ages 18 to 65. SSR - "SOCIAL SECURITY" RETIREMENT is for those ages 66 & up. Since 2019 just being able to pay my full rent payment has been "iffy" & downright terrifying. I chronically "rob Paul to pay Peter" ... & I'm tired of it. I'd just like some peace of mind & financial security ... if only for a year or two. I'm sick & I'm so tired, disgusted, exhausted, & wore out.☆•☆
My story is not as heartbreaking or as tragic as most that one reads online, but mine is just as desperate. My back is smashed against the wall & I have no choice but to beg strangers for money to help me to make ends meet not only RIGHT NOW FOR EMERGENCY REASONS BUT ALSO FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY SHORT LIFE. It is very humiliating & embarrassing to beg, believe me, but Im disabled, on a tiny, insufficient fixed income & I no longer have any friends, family or a support system to turn to for help.
I feel an explanation as to WHY & HOW I'm in the situation Im in is owed. If you're someone who is blessed & lucky to not only work/have a job but also be HEALTHY enough to work AND have a generous salary that allows you to have "disposable income" for entertainment, travel, vacations, movies, theater, opera, ballet, concerts & giving to charities & individuals in need, then I truly believe you should know who & where your hard-earned money is going to.
My 65-yr story is a very long & painful one, & I have left out many details due to the already excessive length. What I've shared here is "not even the half of it." I've listed some of the current urgent financial needs & also future perpetual & life-long financial needs. Due to my extremely low income I will always need financial assistance until my death, which will be in 5-10 years, possibly 20, if I actually live to the age of most Americans ... 82-85. Financially, things will NEVER change for the better for me nor the other millions of Americans receiving SSD/SSR until Congress is strong-armed to rectify this 84-yr old wrong.
All AMERICANS deserve benefits EQUAL to at least our NET working income. The minimum wage for those 25 & older needs to be NO LESS than $30/hr - $4800 gross per month! A standard, *BASE PAY* for ALL Americans must be NO LESS than $2569/mo ($16/hr). ALL AMERICANS WHO WORK OR ARE DISABLED-NO LONGER ABLE TO WORK OR RETIRED DESERVE A LIVING WAGE INCOME ... NOW ... BEFORE THE END OF 2020!
I'M IN CHRONIC, DESPERATE NEED OF IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY FUNDS:
I have tried to get personal loans:
I have tried to get credit cards:
I have been attempting to sell items totalling $1000 (way below market value) for over 12 months: ONLY SOLD 1 ITEM FOR $40.
If I was well enough to work, I would certainly do so & provide for myself as one should, but I no longer have that luxury. So, due to extreme & frightening financial deficits, I have no option but to turn to the humiliating act of begging online for emergency assistance from strangers.
MY PERSONAL HABITS: I'm not a drug addict, not asmoker, not even a light drinker, not an alcoholic, not a gambler nor compulsive shopper. I dont "piss" my money away.
My problem is ... & Im definitely not alone! ... I JUST DONT RECEIVE A LIVING WAGE ON SSD - SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY. THE SLIGHTEST EMERGENCY WIPES ME OUT ... WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BEGINNING OF JAN & FEB of 2019 & AGAIN IN AUGUST! AS OF MARCH, 2020 ... NOTHING HAS IMPROVED! ~~~ Im a penny-pincher & I only buy food & household items (or anything else!) that are ON SALE & I use coupons as often as possible. I also seek out the CHEAPEST price from various merchants before buying something. I am forced to unnecessarily buy many items online bc there are few stores in the hillbilly hellhole - San Luís Obiso County, California - in which Im now forced to reside.
What stores there are here carry LIMITED goods ... including Walmart & Target ... & shelves are often BARE in many stores! This nonsense is unheard of in LA County - my true home! I miss choices, options, variety & civilization. Things are also much more expensive in SLO County, bc there are few merchants thus LITTLE COMPETITION.
MY EDUCATION/EMPLOYMENT HISTORY: I am NOT uneducated. I am college educated with an AA degree in LA, an AS degree in Nursing (RN) & a BS degree in Community Health Science/Education from CSUDH (RN, BS). I LOVED my job/career as a home health nurse, case manager & community health nurse & educator. I miss it so very much, but ... my working days are over.
I really wanted to get a Master's in Community Health/Gerentology, but was struck down before I could do so. Getting a Master's is STILL a dream of mine. Although Im too sick & too old now to put it to good use, just to HAVE a general MA in Humanities or Liberal Arts would make me feel accomplished, complete! I know I'll never have the money to even get an online Masters. The extremely limited curriculum at the useless CAL STATE POLY in SLO County is a JOKE. So, that's no option for me, either.
DETERIORATING HEATH BACKGROUND: In 1997, at only age 43, I was diagnosed with 3 debilitating, untreatable, slow-terminal auto-immune diseases, each causing intractable PAIN. I have been very ill since that fateful year. The disease that cut me at my knees & disabled me is End-Stage, Systemic, Grade IV, Refractory Interstitial Cystitis (IC). Soon after, I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & Sjögren's Disease. These are 3 of my 4 primary diseases. I have many more diseases which are a direct result of these 3.
In Jan, 2019, I developed a very aggressive & rapid form of OsteoArthritis. It is in ALL my major joints. Excruciating! In January, 2020, I developed excruciating, intractable BILATERAL TROCHANTER, ILIOPSOAS & ISCHIAL BURSITIS. What "fresh hell," indeed!
After my initial diagnosis in Aug, 1997, I could've continued to work PART-TIME, but my employer couldn't get rid of me fast enough! The ADA law had just been passed & it was just too new to make it work in my favor.
In 1999, due to untreatable IC, I was placed on a Palliative Care Regimen to keep me as comfortable as possible. I was then forced to apply for permanent, life-long SSD - Social Security Disability. In 1999 the SSA deemed me a "useless vegetable" & declared me totally/permanently disabled. I began receiving benefits in 1999. SSD DOES NOT PAY A LIVING WAGE! As of 2020, I'm expected to support myself on only $1276/mo! (It was only $700+ in 1999!) Obviously, it is impossible for anyone to be independent & self-sufficient on this amount of income.
°° If I was still well enough to work, I would certainly do so & provide for myself, but that is no longer an option. °°
• HOME: The only place I've ever known as home is the South Bay area of Los Angeles County, California, USA. It is a beautiful 17-city area located next to &/or near the Pacific Ocean. In fact, 8-9 of it's cities, are considered beach cities. Temps are pleasant & mild, ranging from 72-81° year round. Clean air, choices, options, diversity, malls, things to do, places to go, hustle-bustle, ppl everywhere, joy, happiness ... SIGNS OF LIFE! I truly believed I lived in heaven. Im an urban girl, a city-girl, a beach girl to my CORE & will be so until I die.
• EXISTING IN EXILE AS OF 12/22/2002: Living in/near my hometown ended when I was basically *kidnapped - taken against my will - on 12/22/2002, & suddenly & literally dumped on my elderly, & now deceased, parent's doorstep in the North County of San Luís Obispo County, 300+ miles "up" north & very far from any beach or civilization, for that matter.
The catalyst for this violation was the disease-induced poverty caused by my tiny, inadequate ***SSD income. I soon came to realize I was now in *HELL & this involuntary relocation only hastened my demise. My life & any future I could've had ended in 2002 because in this rural county there are STILL no choices or options regarding anything &, worst of all, there is not only a dr shortage, the overall healthcare here in general is piss-poor. This area is just dreadful! (*There is much more to this kidnapping nightmare ... too long to go into here.)
Since Jan 2003, my life has continued to go drastically downhill with additional, severe setbacks in 2010, 2013, 2016-2017 & 2019.
• THE "EX": In March, 2013, at age 59, I had a huge - & very cruel - dose of false hope. I began living with my then fiancé & the future seemed a tiny bit bright ... for awhile.
THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS WHY HE IS MY EX! He's a skilled chameleon & can easily turn himself into whatever someone wishes or envisions him to be. He also turned out to be a raging alcoholic who could hide it very well AND ... he was an abuser. By 2014, our "relationship " quickly soured & we began living separate lives. He began living in the living room & I began living in the bedroom. He bought his food, I bought mine, etc. He did his thing, I did mine. Delightful. The entire apt contained ONLY MY FURNITURE. He slept on MY couch - his choice - which he has totally demolished. Due to politeness, I cant describe what he has done to that once NICE & ELEGANT couch or it's matching chair/ottoman. That's why I just left it behind when I was finally able to leave ... 3 years later in 2017!
My Ex also tried to choke me to death on 9/30/2015. Why couldnt I immediately leave when things went sideways? *****NO MONEY DUE TO BEING FORCED TO RECEIVE BELOW POVERTY INCOME VÍA SSD. I had no where to go due to both the lack of a living wage income & the lack of housing for the poor, for the disabled & for seniors on insufficient incomes - or all 3 combined. This lack of housing problem is out of control in SLO County.
I immediately put my name on the waiting lists of every low-income/senior/disabled apt complex available ... each with a waiting list of 3-5 years. So, I was forced to continue living with my Ex - my abuser - for almost 3 more miserable years!
• 2017 - SEMI-COMATOSE STATE #1: My already poor health took a sudden & drastic turn for the worse due to the chronic, inadequate healthcare in SLO County! The 2017 incident was caused by my now former "dr" who sadistically & deliberately DENIED me the vital meds I need to keep "vertical."
As a result, from Feb to June, 2017, I was in a literal semi-comatose state, totally bedridden & homebound.
In June, I began to slowly recover & on 7/27/17 I was able to re-start one of my life-saving meds vía alternative channels. I eventually became fully "vertical" with a LONG WAY to go to full recovery. (BTW, in 2017 I was still living with my Ex - he did almost NOTHING to help me. Nothing!)
• 2017 - THE AUG TO OCT MOVE INTO MY OWN APT! I was finally able to escape into my OWN apt, moving completely out of my abusive Ex's by Oct 13, 2017. (The move began 8/22!) Slight problem: my apt complex is right next door to his!
I hadn't had my own apt since 2012 & this move was supposed to be my release, my freedom. I was to finally smile & laugh again & be FREE TO BE ME again & try & recoup lost time.
It's turned out to be anything but that!
This move has unexpectedly caused me nothing but misery & unhappiness due to TOTAL FINANCIAL DEVASTATION & RUIN DUE TO INADEQUATE INCOME & other wierd issues.
I've been on my own since age 14 & I've never struggled so hard in my life as I have since 2018 just to put food on the table & try & pay what bills I can. I basically just rob Paul to pay Peter every month, picking & chosing which bills get paid & which do not.
I HATE existing like this!
This kind of chronic, prolonged FINANCIAL STRESS with NO END IN SIGHT is exhausting, depressing & detrimental to my already precarious health. This perpetual hell has rapidly aged me & has exacerbated all of my diseases.
• 2018 - SEMI-COMATOSE STATE #2: Unfortunately, in Jan of 2018, when I was about 70% recovered from the 2017 incident & just 3 months AFTER I MOVED TO ANTICIPATED FREEDOM ... a new "dr" decided to DENY me the very same life-saving meds - meds Ive needed since 1997!
So, from Jan to Aug, 2018, I found myself in yet ANOTHER literal semi-comatose & fetal-position state. Once again, I was totally bedridden & homebound.
These 2 miserable incidents were not only both DR-INDUCED, they were totally inexcusable, avoidable & definitely unnecessary. But that's the kind of piss-poor "healthcare" one gets in SLO County.
In 2017, I lost 1/4 of my hair during that hell, but my "tricks" helped me regrow abour 75% of it. In 2018, I lost 2/3 of my hair & NONE of my "tricks" worked this time. It's painfully obvious my hair will NOT be growing back.
As a woman, being almost bald is devastating.
Even though Ive been on an adequate dose of only 1 of my life-saving meds since May, 2018, Ive made minimal progress to return to my 2016 status. As a result of enduring 2 back-to-back similar episodes, with the 2nd one causing total system overload ... I now have PERMANENT neurological, cognitive, ophthalmic & GI DAMAGE. It's painfully obvious I will NEVER RECOVER.
• 2019 - POST SEMI-COMATOSE HEALTH STATUS: To my surprise, shock & dismay, I was bedridden almost EVERY day in 2019 - mainly due to severe exacerbation of my Fibro! In 2020, I'm still bedridden 4-5 days per week. This is not only very frustrating & aggravating - it's VERY depressing.
I cant get anything done & I have SO MUCH to do! Remember ... I moved in Oct 2017 & I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED UNPACKING! The only days I am "vertical" are usually by "force" ... when I *force* myself to go to one of my zillion dr appts, *force* myself to go to the pharmacy & when I *force* myself to do my monthly grocery shopping. I average 2 to 3 dr appts per week. Im really tired of this. What a fulfilling "life."
Im now required to have a part-time caregiver via the IHSS Program to prep meals, do dishes & laundry & anything else needed. This helps me immensely.
• 2010 - SOCIAL LIFE TOTALLY ENDED: Too long to explain how this happened. I will simply state that TV is now my ONLY source of entertainment & it is also my ONLY contact with the outside world.
As of April, 2019, I no longer have access to live TV due to NOT HAVING THE FUNDS TO PAY SPECTRUM'S CEO, TOM RUTLEDGE'S, EXCESSIVE ANNUAL SALARY OF OVER $98 MILLION. Sometime in 2018, Spectrum also began charging a fee for the 4 NATIONAL NETWORK channels. I recall the time when network TV was ... FREE!
So, as of Aug, 2019, I chose to officially "cut the cord," so, now it's free or low cost WiFi TV for me.
In a way I was relieved to "cut the cord" & rely solely on WiFi TV programming - "free" at my complex. However, all those WiFi "streaming services" have severe programming limitations, especially with live shows. You also "get what you pay for " - & the reception in my complex is unreliable due to a sketchy, low quality community router.
I currently subscribe to HULU basic ($5.99), BritBox ($6.99) & Amazon Prime ($5.99). If & when I can afford it, I willl go to HULU basic ($45/mo) &,CBS ($5.99). With all that cafeteria TV ... ... it's still 2/3 LESS than what the greedy capitalists at *Charter/Spectrum charge!!! I also have FREE Tubi, Pluto & Youtube. (*Charter/Spectrum is $183/mo for a "no frills" package!)
• 21st CENTURY ELECTRONICS: I do have both a PC & a laptop which DO NOT WORK! They have been broken for 5 & 3 yrs. NO MONEY TO GET THEM REPAIRED. So, I'm forced to use my over-worked & dying Galaxy S5 to access the net & to type letters to my uncooperative Medicare D insurance company & other annoying bureaucrats. I type using 1 finger. Fun.
I really need a Gal S10e, but I would have to change carriers to the sky-high ATT or Verizon. My plan is with Cricket & it's very cheap - $35/mo. However .... they are as bad as Consumer Cellular ... only offering free WiFi at their "hotspots" IF you use one of their "approved" phones. Again, you get what you pay for. :-(
°° °° °°
• 2019 -2020 IMMEDIATE FINANCIAL NEEDS:
APRIL 2019: THINGS HIT CRITICAL MASS/GROUND ZERO .... I really needed immediate help THEN - help which NEVER came.
I needed help to not only pay for my monthly necessities but to also cover for the EMERGENCIES that I already had to pay for from Jan - March, 2019, which absolutely devastated me.
I was already short $650 in April, 2019, including being $200 overdrawn in my checking account ... this was primarily due to several monthly "auto payments."
My electricity was to be shut off on June 25th, 2019. After jumping through many hoops, I was able to to get assistance from the Salvation Army to pay the 3 months past due. But that didnt stop the Sept & Oct PGE bills from being due.
From Sun, April 12, 2019 until Dec, 2019, I was chronically out of/without food.
From April to Dec, 2019, I was always almost out of gas ... coasting on fumes. (As of March, 2020, CA gas is STILL now close to $4.50/gal!)
MAY 2019: The extreme money shortage & especially the overdraft/"bounce" fees made MAY even MORE MISERABLE than April! I needed at least $1200 IN ADDITION TO my SSD check because of the prior emergencies, the overdrawn status of my checking acct & the overdraft fees & payment of the unavoidable auto-payments. BY MAY 4th, I WAS TOTALLY OUT OF MONEY.
I had just enough money for May's rent - & THAT'S IT! I didnt have any money left to buy food nor pay all the perpetual monthly utility bills that were ALREADY past due, etc.
My apt complex is exclusively for LOW-INCOME seniors & the disabled, ie, THE POOR. Yet, it is ZERO TOLERANT if one cant pay the rent due to lack of money. (??)
I am perpetually a heartbeat away from being HOMELESS.
THIS IS SO DRAINING & EXHAUSTING. I feel like Im drowning.
From April, 2019 & ALL subsequent months, to right now, March of 2020 .. no one has come to my aid. I dintbknow why. Again, $1276/month just DOESN'T go far enough!! It is NOT a LIVING WAGE.
JUNE - AUG 2019: Nothing improved.
☆☆ SEPT 2019: I NEEDED AN EXTRA $2000. I had to decide WHICH bills to pay in full & which to only pay partial payments: RENT (due 9/10), STORAGE (due 9/10), or CAR REGISTRATION (due 9/24).
THE LATE FEES WERE SO EXCESSIVE ON ALL 3 OF THESE BILLS ... THEY JUST PUT ME FURTHER IN THE HOLE.
I chose to pay only 2/3 of my rent because the late fees were the cheapest.
For the ENTIRE YEAR OF 2019 I've been very desperate & destitute. I need financial help - immediately!
ALL MY BILLS ARE PAST DUE.
• FURNITURE: My Ex trashed most of my things, especially my car & living room furniture. I left the living room furniture at his place. As a result, I now need about 7 pieces of living room furniture, which if I buy "cheap" on eBay, & put it together myself (with osteoarthritis ...) will cost me about $1,200. Because my Ex & I ended up living in 2 separate rooms - he in the living room & me banished to the bedroom .... I literally have not sat on a couch or living room chair since ... 2012! I cant wait to both have & to be able sit on a couch like a normal person does!
• CAR REPAIR/MAINTENANCE: Before getting his own car ... my Ex totally trashed mine. Because of that, I need a minimum of about $1,500 for auto repair & general maintenance work. He BROKE my heater, which will cost $371 to repair! (That's NOT part of the $1500 total!)
My 1990 Toyota Corolla is the LAST car I will ever own, so it is IMPERATIVE I keep everything in working order at all times.* * I'm just not well enough to rely on the public transportation system, which is very sketchy here in "Hooterville" & isnt available on Sundays. (Unbelievable!)
• NEW GLASSES: One of the diseases I have - Sjögren's - has totally "shredded" my eyes bc it causes severe, PAINFUL dryness. Sjögren's can also cause corneal tearing, permanent damage & ... BLINDNESS! Restasis was FDA approved in 2003 for severe dry eyes, but my 2 now FORMER Ophthalmologists both REFUSED to Rx it for me. (Stupidity? Malpractice?!)
The 2 semi-comatose incidents in 2017 & 2018 have severely affected my eyes & my visiin is severely compromised. Since Feb, 2018, I literally cannot see anything very clearly! As of Jan, 2019, I now have a new ophthalmologist who is EXCELLENT, competent & knowledgeable about Sjögren's. My eyes had become both so inflamed & so damaged from severe dryness that he couldnt even get "a reading" on them for an updated Rx for new glasses. He immediately Rx'd me a temporary steroid eye drop & permanent Restasis. In April, 2019, after 3 months of treatment, he was finally able to get an accurate "reading" for a new Rx for glasses.
It will take another 9 months before my eyes fully heal.
However, as of March, 2020 ... I STILL have not been able to get my new glasses. Why? NEITHER MEDICARE NOR MEDI-CAL COVERS RX GLASSES, FRAMES, CONTACTS OR OTHER RX EYEWEAR. (Contact your sleeping elected to DEMAND this to be CHANGED!) I see my eye dr again in April, 2020, & my Rx will likely be worse. I need about $400 for frames & lenses. I dont have it. That's 1/3 of my monthly income! The Lion's Club refused to help me.
• DENTAL WORK: Besides destroying one's eyes, Sjögren's also totally destroys a person's mouth/teeth by causing severe dryness. My mouth did not escape Sjögren's wrath.
I have insurance vía the sketchy Denti-Cal, which was *restored in CA in 2014 but didnt become available to SLO COUNTY adults again until ... 2019! There is NO guarantee Denti-Cal will pay for ANYTHING they say they will.
I haven't had any lower molars since about 2004 & ***b/c I live in CA, I was denied dental care from 2009 to 2019. As a result, Ive UNNECESSARILY lost 5 teeth due to being forced to live in this hellhole county that has NO DENTISTS WILLING TO CONTRACT WITH ADULT DENTI-CAL. (All 5 teeth I lost were all root canals with nice porcelain crowns -which were done when I was normal, reasonably healthy, worked for a living & had normal, private dental ins).
In January of 2019, I was finally able to see a dentist for the *FIRST TIME IN 10 YEARS! I needed 12 fillings, which are automatically covered w/o a "prior auth." I also needed 1 front root canal, of which DentiCal finally so "generously" & "graciously" approved. As of March, 2020, ... I still need upper & lower partials & 2 porcelain crowns.
DentiCal has denied the crowns & Ive been too ill to type up an appeal. (These are literally similar to a legal brief!)
My current dentist refuses to prescribe Denti-Cal partials because they are of such poor quality. She will, however, give me the Denti-Cal rate on all denied procedures .... if I pay CASH. Denti-Cal cost per crown: $814. Estimated cost to have functioning teeth with 2 porcelain crowns & good-quality upper & lower partials: $4800.00! My monthly income is $1276. (See photo of written estimate)
• VET BILLS: My sweet, 6 year old kitty has become collateral damage during all the recent, never-ending chaos, stress & hell that is now my life, especially since Jan, 2018. She is very SENSITIVE & my living hell has totally stressed her out. When stressed, she "stress eats." As a result, she is now dangerously overweight.
My kitty had 2 emergency vet visits in Feb & April of 2019 due to issues regarding her obesity. Cost: $350 ... which I still owe. The large bag of diet cat food costs $57.00/2 months. I will need at least $300 for her 2020 shots & annual exam plus ... $342 for 12 months supply of diet cat food.
• I DESPERATELY NEED MONEY TO HIRE MOVERS TO RETRIEVE/REMOVE MY LIFE-LONG POSSESSIONS OUT OF A HORRID SHACK!
MY EX "FORCED" ME TO MOVE MY THINGS TO A SHED ON HIS FRIEND'S PRIVATE PROPERTY & HE HAS SINCE CONTINUALLY DENIED/PREVENTED ME ACCESS TO THIS SHACK & MY POSSESSIONS! ...
This is yet another very long, convoluted, very painful & just plain WIERD story involving my wacky Ex. He had a hair-brained scheme to move SOME ... SOME ... of my things into what he called "cheaper storage." He pressured & pressured me until I finally gave in. Stupid me! This was also meant to be a "temporary arrangement." That was in NOV 2012! Ha ha. Joke's on me. So, where did my things end up being moved to? Into what turned out to be a run down shack! And ... over 1/2 of my things ended up in that shack that were NEVER meant to go there in the first place! They were supposed to be delivered to OUR APT!! There are MANY items in that shack I actually NEED ON A DAILY BASIS!
I HAVE NO WAY TO ACCESS THAT NASTY SHED THAT I CALL THE "SH*T SHACK." MY EX MADE SURE OF THAT. Why? For one, it's on a horrid rural property. Why do I call it the "Sh*t Shack?" Because there are mice everywhere & they shred, sh*t & p*ss on EVERYTHING . There is aleaky roof & broken window which has caused mild to severe damage to many of my things due to mold, mildew & general moisture.
At present, I have NO ACCESS to my family heirlooms, such as 2 sets of china, my dad's extensive 1940's record collection, my very personal possessions such as irreplaceable family photo albums & 40 to 60+ yr old childhood mementos. These are being systematically destroyed by rodents who are sh*tting, p*ssing & chewing on everything. There is also ADDITIONAL damage done from the elements, termites & poisonous spiders, all of whom are also doing their fair share of destruction. The owner refuses to do any type of pest control. He only cares about getting his monthly check. To make matters worse, as if they could be, he is friends with my Ex.
To add to this misery, WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE OR PERMISSION, my Ex recently REMOVED the entire lock set off the door (breaking & entering) & moved his junk back into MY "unit" that I had removed in Sept, 2018. The owner allowed this illegal act. So, now, I'm actually SHARING that shack again with my abusive Ex!! Again, joke's on me.
I need to break free of him but .... I just don't have the money to hire movers!
In short, I need about $1,500 - $2,500 to hire movers to move the majority of my PRIZED possessions out of that horrid, run down "Sh*t Shack" that's on private property. What SHOULD already be here in MY apt needs to be brought here & the rest needs to be put into a REAL storage unit.****
Since Nov, 2018, I've advertized/begged on Craig's List for FREE help to move my things out of there. Zero response ... except for actual HATE MAIL ... all from men.
Tick tock. I dont have much time left on this planet. I'm terrified, stunned & depressed that I very well may die without ever seeing, touching or being reunited with both my family's & my prized possessions again.
• FUTURE FINANCIAL NEEDS:
• PLAN A MOVE - GET UP ON OUTTA HERE COMPLETELY: SLO County will NEVER be my home & since 2003 it has been my goal/dream to return home to civilization & the sophistication & urbanization of the So Bay area of Los Angeles County. Problem: dont have any money to do so.
I want to go home before I die. I want to die AT HOME.
Besides a lack of funds, there is also the matter of finding an available "affordable low-income apt" (ie, apt for poor ppl) in the So Bay area. These types of apts only become available when someone literally dies, so availability is always on very short notice - usually less than 30 days!
My guess for the cost to move AND pay all deposits on an apt 300+ miles down south in the So Bay area of LA County: $5000-$8000. (May be an over-estimate. I have no idea.)
- - PLANS FOR THESE FUNDS: Put them in a savings or escrow account to be immediately available when needed & to be used ONLY when the opportunity to move to the So Bay finally presents itself.
To be realistic, at 66, & with MAYBE ONLY 5 TO 10 YRS LEFT TO LIVE ... unless a real Fatima or Lourdes-type miracle happens, I don't think I will ever get to go home again, which just breaks my heart beyond belief.
• PLAN B MOVE - GO LOCAL, BUT GO CIVILIZED: If I cant go HOME, I'd like to move to the ONLY really nice, low income senior complex located in the 2nd most southern city of South SLO County - Arroyo Grande. AG is somewhat similar in culture & very similar in climate to the South Bay (no 105° crap in the summer like the horrid No County!) & it's just a straight shot of 1 mile to my precious beach. I've only seen my beautiful beach 5 times since 2003. : -( I'm on the waiting list for that complex - with the usual 5-yr time frame.
AG is about 25 miles south from where I reside now. If & when that move were to take place, it would probably cost between $3,000 -$5000 to move down there. That'a a guestimate, but it's still overall ridiculous, I know!
- - PLANS FOR THOSE FUNDS: I would also place that money in a savings or escrow account so that when a low income apt finally does become available in that AG complex I will be able to pay them immediately & move-in ASAP, b/c, as I said, move-ins are expected within 30 days or less in these types of places.
I am DETERMINED to get the hell out of this horrid No SLO County,but I will need to have both sufficient & immediate funds to pay for all the excessive deposits required for renting a new apt & sufficient money to hire a packing/moving company, which includes rental of a flat bed truck for my ancient car.
LOOKING BACK/FROM MY PERSPECTIVE: MY LIFE ENDED IN 1997 WITH MY PRIMARY DIAGNOSIS. ▪ AS OF 2010, MY LIFE IS COMPLETELY BEHIND ME NOW.▪ I HAVE NO FUTURE.
What happens to a dream deferred.....? What happens to a LIFE deferred ...?
At 66, my life certainly did not turn out as I had planned. At present, there is no joy & certainly no peace or contentment - only a lot of regrets, what-ifs & interrupted & unfinished business. To be honest, I wish I'd never been born.
At 66, I have maybe 5 to 9 years left to live. Reluctantly, I welcome death because I no longer find any joy in life. If I live to the average age of most Americans - 85 - the last 10 yrs - ages 75-85 - will probably be spent in "prison" ... er, I mean a nursing home ... (no difference).
At 66, Im now too old & now too sick to date or look for a "well-off," financially secure sig other or husband. In the current disarray of in my life I bring NOTHING to a relationship but my poverty, financial neediness & physical & emotional brokenness. No one wants or needs that.
Frankly, I just dont have the strength or energy to look for "someone" let alone "date" anyone." It's just too much work. At 66, what's the point, anyway? Plus, I now look like hell! The last 3 years have drastically & shockingly taken their toll! My Ex stole/wasted the last youthful yrs I had. So, as Noël Coward wrote, "I Walk Alone."
Not only will I probably never get to go home again - not even for a visit - due to lack of money, I'll never get to travel, see the world, visit España - the mother country - or my adopted Italia, visit the Vatican, go other countries, go on a cruise, go to Disneyland one last time, visit Sea World, or see The Rolling Stones-fave band since 1964 - tickets $300-$400.
Im also a dancer & it breaks my heart to know I'll never dance again in a nightclub, dance studio or on stage. Why? There are no night clubs, dance studios & no "park n rec" centers offer dance classes anymore in this hillbilly hell-hole. (They do offer "clogging" classes, though." Yee haw! Yes, I really do live in CA!) I've been a dancer since age 3 & I both crave & miss movement & the various forms of dance I know & love. I also miss performing on stage. I only feel alive when I dance. It's agony to not have choices or options about ANYTHING - especially to dance anywhere, ever again!
I also know I will never have or enjoy a NORMAL family life.
All of this is one bitter pill to swallow. I miss life. I miss civilization. I miss choices & options & variety. I would give anything to be able to smile & laugh & dance & enjoy music again. Hell! Enjoy life again!
Im really tired of being stuck on the bottom rung, # 8, of Erickson's Eight Stages (perpetually trying to obtain basic needs). I would like to be as close to the 1st or even the 2nd rung as possible - "fulfilment" - like I was in 1997. I wòuld like to be secure & self-sufficient. I would like to be able to focus on OTHER MATTERS & OTHER PEOPLE besides myself for a change. I would love to volunteer to help others, but it's difficult when one is unpredictably ill & also very poor & chronically on the verge of homelessness.
If I could receive a ☆☆PASSABLE WAGE☆☆ each month from SSD, I could make ends meet for a basic no-frills, but SECURE, existence & not have to stress out, fret, or worse, BEG STRANGERS for help! No American should be reduced to that!
What constitutes a *** PASSABLE VS LIVING WAGE? *** Per my calculations, the following is a PASSABLE, no frills INCOME - $2560/month ($16/hr pay for a 40 hr week for 1 person). DOWNSIDE: this only works if that person pays just 30% of their income towards rent/mortgage. The most ideal income for 1 person would be $4800/month gross ($3800/net) which equals $30/hr. Now **THAT** should be the federal minimum wage in the US. Things would still be tight for most families, but at least manageable.
My problem? I'm $1304 short each month from that minimal PASSABLE WAGE of $2560 amount & I will be until I pass away or am placed in a nursing home. I have ZERO faith in our sleeping, clueless elected to rectify this atrocity in the next 5-25 years.
If I could consistently receive a net of $2560 I could easily make ends meet. It would be a "no frills" life ... but at least I could pay my bills in full & on time & buy food! I would then be able to sleep at night & not be filled with chronic anxiety & terror - constantly worrying if Im going to end up HOMELESS due to an emergency. I wouldn't have to chronically stress out over how to pay for this bill or that bill & I certainly wouldnt have to BEG STRANGERS for money to help me pay my daily living bills!
There still would be the issues raised when EMERGENCY EXPENSES arise, such as how to pay for care of my kitty & how to pay for car repairs/maintenance.
Because I was born/raised middle class & was also a self-sufficient middle class WORKING adult myself, I know first hand that sufficient money &/or adequate income DO INDEED buy happiness because when one has both a sufficient amount & a reliable source of money/income, it DOES buy *security,* *stability,* *peace of mind* & a decent night's sleep.
Happiness also comes from HOW one uses the sufficient money one has.
The non-stop, relentless stress of poverty is just too much to bear while dealing with chronic illnesses. I would give anything for financial SECURITY, which in turn, would give me PEACE OF MIND, the ability to finally SLEEP again, the ability to finally find JOY in this life & actually allow me to really live & enjoy being alive again.
So, until Congress decides to properly take care of it's citizens by raising the minimum wage to $30/hr AND raise SSD/SSR benefits to a PASSABLE WAGE, I will need help from strangers every month to make ends meet until I die. This need will be for the next 5-9 yrs, or so.
If evicted, i'm just too old & too sick to be living in my car with my poor kitty. I have no money to hire movers & Im way too sick & weak to pack. So, I will have to just literally walk away & leave EVERYTHING BEHIND. The only thing I can take with me are my sweet kitty, all my meds & a few clothes. We will then be living in my teeny, tiny car ... in the DAILY No SLO County heat of 85° - 95°- heat that lasts from July until literally TG day. Some future.
If anyone out there reading this is blessed to have extra money ... ie, "disposable income" ... to not only help others but to also assist me, I would be very grateful. If you are able to help ease my financial burden & thus relieve my chronic stress & anxiety, I would be eternally thankful & grateful. I will humbly accept any immediate & future assistance you may be able to offer me.
If you are hesitant to donate cash, I will graciously accept gift cards for eBay, Vons, Food 4 Less, Walmart, Target, 99 Cent Store & The Dollar Tree. I can also provide the name & addresses of my vet, dentist, auto repair shop & optical store for direct payments to them.
I would also be more than happy to post photos of the needed items bought or repaired & post photos of receipts to prove that I am using the funds as intended & not scamming ppl or wasting donations on frivolous things.
Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for not judging me. And if possible, thank you for helping me out during the short time I have left on this planet.
☆ "Im just a girl who wants to go home. Im just a girl whose Ruby Slippers are long broken."
☆ "What happens to a dream deferred ...?" (the great LH) - - What happens to a life deferred? (this LH)
☆ "Oh, I know it's a penny here & a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." ~ ~ Groucho Marx, Monkey Business, 1931
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GLOSSARY/EXPLANATIONS FOR WORDS/SENTENCES WITH 1-5 *:
* SLO COUNTY HELL: This really is a hillbilly hell-hole. This wretched county is literally split in two, North & South, & the 2 dont mix if they dont have to. This makes taking care of business extremely difficult. The No County is 80% rural & sparsely populated, the So County a bit more urbanized, but nothing like LA. Anything that's anything is irritatingly located ONLY in SLO city, which is, of course, in the So County & about 25-40 miles from the towns/cities in the No County. The Summer temps in the No County where Im forced to reside are EXTREME, & due to having Fibro, I am unable to safely tolerate these extremes. The summers are sheer hell "up" here, ranging between 95°-115° from July 1st right up to Thanksgiving day. After that day, it suddenly goes straight into winter with temps often as low as 29° at night. No thank you!!
** Daydream/Fantasy: Someone to gift me a brand new Corolla with the longest warranty possible. However, due to my lack of a living wage, someone would also have to pay for annual full coverage insurance & the outrageous annual registration fees for new cars. At my age ... a 2019 Toyota will long outlive me by 20 to 30 yrs!
*** Denti-Cal for those over 18 was destroyed by that awful right-wing, pseudo-Nazi - "The Governator" - during his reign of terror from 2009 to 2013. Governors Brown & Newsom have done their best to restore & INCREASE dental benefits for ALL eligible Californians over 18. However, the sole job of Denti-Cal Case Managers is to deny, deny, deny any & all "extra" procedures.
Medicare does NOT cover ANY dental work. It does NOT cover lenses, frames, contacts nor hearing aids. MediCal (Medicaid in the other 49) isnt much better. Write your reps & AARP & demand this be changed!! You, yourself, will one day be insured by Medicare!! So, dont demand this rightful coverage for me, demand it for YOURSELF & your spouse!
**** And, yes, FYI for SLO County residents: Meathead Movers was contracted in 2018 via RISE - the SLO County women's domestic violence advocacy group - to help me move out of there AT NO COST TO ME. However, after taking out half of my possessions, they abruptly put them all back & aborted the move midway & just drove away! They left me stranded & abandoned with NO alternative solution! Unbelievable! After almost 1 yr now, I was & still am devastated. There are MANY items in that shack I actually NEED that were NEVER supposed to go there!
***** America is the only country Im aware of that punishes it's retirees receiving SSR & it's chronically ill & disabled receiving SSD. A middle-class person working person can go from just that to below-poverty-level status literally overnight once they start receiving their SSR benefits. That happened to my wealthy Auntie & Uncle. It happened to my middle class parents.
Unacceptable. Shocking. Terrifying.
☆☆ No American worker should be reduced to a below poverty income level upon retirement or having a disability/chronic illness. Shockingly, Im not alone in my plight in the financial hell caused by inadequate benefits from SSD & SSR. About 90% of all SSD & SSR recipients exist below poverty level. The majority are SENIORS. The majority were once MIDDLE CLASS WORKERS! This is absolutely unacceptable! The monthly income of those on SSR & SSD averages out to be LESS than the national minimum wage. Currently, no one on SSR or SSD receives more than $1400/mo. No American worker should be treated like this! ☆☆
Because I was born/raised middle class & was also a self-sufficient middle class working adult, I know first hand that sufficient money &/or adequate income DO INDEED buy happiness because when one has both a sufficient amount & a reliable source of money/income, it buys *security,* *stability,* *peace of mind* & a decent night's sleep.
Please write your reps, AARP & any other political advocacy group & DEMAND that **ALL** SSD & SSR recipients be given a raise & be paid a PASSABLE WAGE of no less than $2560/ month ... IMMEDIATELY!!
Dont do it for me - do it for yourself!
Remember, if you have no separate pension plan or retirement savings plan ... when you retire, you will find yourself in the same leaky SSA boat. *****
[2019 UPDATES - NO RESPONSE: 5/15, 6/4, 7/3, 7/31, 9/4, 9/10, 10/2, 10/11,10/15, 10/24]