DESPERATELY Need a divorce and pay dept off!!!!!!!

Hello, my name is well..... Guess I cant tell you since im not divorced yet and I would rather him not know untill after I've filed cause he would flip and it qould be all out WAR!!!! Cant handle that yet.lol. but im almost 30 years old and ive wasted 10 years on someone who I dont love anymore and for my own sanity I desperately need out NOW and i cant afford a divorve by far and i would rather hire a good lawyer because of what he might do if he gets a good one.! This man is this one is the one your mother Warned you about (wished you would have listened but didnt ) and the one you swore you would never marry, the man that hurts you. My husband is physically and verbally abusive. I've tried to leave but was always scared that he would try to take my daughter because he has always said if I leave he would take her away from me. And not long ago i tried to leave and after having to call the police ( and it took six) for his family to give my baby to me because the father had to be arrested and he had someone call them and told them not to open the door and of course he retaliated and did the one think i was terrified of tried to accuse me of a few different things and had DHR investigate to see if i was a good mother ( you can imagin how humiliating this was) but it made me so much stronger because i my worse fear was coming true him trying to take her from me and it didnt work, he couldnt scare me anymore and when i was clear i finally got it that he cant take her and after years of the bs I get it now and ive gotta get out but I dont have the resourses to leave and I dont have a job and cant work because of back problems I have now and i've had to apply for disability and like I said im only almost 30 and I have about $20, 000.00 just in dept with medical bills and credits cards where he ruined my credit and I could file bankruptcy but they want $1200.00 up front!? How do they think im getting $1200.00 if im filing for bankruptcy? If I had that much money sitting around somewhere I wouldnt have problems paying my bills wouldnt you think.lol.  thats my story and I really just need some help even if its just change anything will do but please help me cause I dont know what to do anymore