It’s ok not to be ok
So here it goes..
please take a couple minutes to read this personal post, like and share to raise awareness of mental health.
In a couple weeks it will be the first year anniversary since my mother passed away. The last year has been the hardest most challenging year of my life. To say I have been on a rollercoaster this last year is an understatement. I made the choice to temporarily leave my job dancing on cruise ships to come home and care for my mother for the last 6 months on her life (something I would do over and over again) and shortly after laying Mum to rest I flew out to Italy to be part of a new reality show (something I would not do over and over again).
Anyhow It took me a few months to really come to terms with being on my own having lost both parents. But as the ‘man’ of the family and the only boy of 6, I felt it was my duty as a brother and uncle to keep strong and to smile and carry on with life as normal. I made the decision to carry on with my career as a dancer onboard but in doing so I was running away from the reality of what’s happened at home and it really messed with my head. I made the choice to leave my job and come back home to be closer to family and to settle with my fiancé. By doing so I put myself in financial difficulty but I had no other choice to leave.
In the last couple months I lost myself, I kept things bottled up and could feel myself fading. As some of my close friends and family know, that I’ve been struggling a lot recently with mental health and I reached a point where I felt life wasn’t worth living no more and although I know I have the support of good fiends and some family it wasn’t enough. I was stuck in a rut and felt I had a cloud over me constantly. I would stay indoors for days with no motivation to do anything. I was losing my personality and identity. Anyhow after reaching out to the right people I can say I’m back on track and yes I’m not 100% but I have more good days than bad.
You’re probably wondering why I am writing this all over for social media.. for two reasons firstly to share my experience to bring awareness to mental health. And to ask others to be aware of friends and family that may be going through the same, also for anyone who is struggling to open up to someone whether it be a stranger, family or friends or a GP. Please know you’re not alone in this.
Finally I have made the decision to do a charity skydive to raise money for St David’s Hospice, who went above and beyond to give my mother the best palliative care. Now for those of you that know me well, know I’m scared of heights but this is something I want to challenge myself with as well raise money for an amazing charity! Something I have decided to do to get better is to set myself goals (big and small) and this is one. I would appreciate it if anyone could sponsor me and donate what you can for a great cause. Thank you for taking the time to listen!