My Inspiration - Cedar House.
Here goes. For 18+ months now, I have suffered with something so Sinister, and at first glance I had no idea what had hit me. There was moments of madness and unexplainable emotional experiences initially however, it wasn't until a few months into feeling like this when I realised something was wrong. I found myself sprawled on the Kitchen floor, Door shut, Hands pressed against my Ears to drown out any noise, whilst balling my eyes out as if the Earth had just swallowed my 2 beautiful Children. I sat there, feeling not one single impulse of positivity throughout my entire body, contemplating whether running a Kitchen knife across my wrists was the answer. A side of me told me it was, but the side that heard my Children crying dragged me out of it. The crisis temporarily over. The very next day, same case scenario. This time in the Conservatory. Hands over Ears, Back against Wall, Me against the World. Seemingly.
These 2 Scenario's were the turning point. I had to do something. And quick. I visited my Doctor, who instantly recognised I was clinically Depressed. "No, you're wrong, I'm 21 Years Old, I have no reason to feel this down, how can I possibly be Depressed?". Denial from Daniel. I left the GP surgery in disagreement leaving my prescription for Fluoxetine there. I didn't feel Depressed. Or atleast I didn't know I was.
I felt defeated with a Doctor telling me I was Depressed. I felt soft. I felt like I was being a wimp and I needed to man up. So I did. Well, I tried. Unsurprisingly, I failed. Epicly too. For months I felt myself getting worse and worse and events, relationships, jobs, day to day activities and all the other fun and games that come with life were becoming impossible too much to deal with. Denial of my initial diagnose had destroyed me. Emotionally. Mentally. Psychologically. I felt empty. Numerous plans to end my life were thought of. Seemingly hundreds of attempts to sabotage my relationship with Cheryl and the Girls passed by, almost as if I was possessed by Depression and it wanted me to suffer alone.
It wasn't until May 2016 when I conjured up the courage to seek help. I admitted everything to everyone around me and more importantly to myself. I was prescribed antidepressants at the age of just 23 whilst sent to weekly Counselling sessions and Behavioural Cognitive Specialists.
Since then, initially things didn't get any easier. I even told my partner whilst looking her in the Eyes I was going to end my life as I felt so dependant on other people or medication to fix me. Things didn't seem to get any better at all. And then hit it me. My counselor, Sarah, who operates at Cedar House, had listened to me vent, rant, cry, and speak of myself in disgust. And somehow, she made me realised that I had so much more power than I ever thought. Ofcourse, I needed the medication. That was the icebreaker between myself and this demonic illness. That accompanied by Counselling allowed me to raise my energy and hope levels and eventually, after months of gruelling Tuesday nights, allowed me to get a level were I felt capable of taking the next step myself. I am still seeing Sarah and I will continue to take medication for a few more months until I am fully back to myself, but typing this, I am the most energised, happiest, and excited I have ever been in 18-24 months.
My 24th Birthday is on 12.03.2017, so from now until then, I will be trying to raise as much money as possible and all proceeds will go directly to Cedar House. They are a charitable organisation and all counsellors operate on a voluntary basis. These guys have completedly turned my life and outlook around and I never will be able to explain how grateful I truly am.
ANY DONATION WOULD BE TRULY APPRECIATED.
If anyone can present any Fundraising activities I can do to boost the donations, don't hesitate to contact me.