Can anyone help? I made bad choices in life.

Hello. I really do not know how to start with my story without sounding like a hopeless, pathetic bloke who deserves to be in his situation, because I do (feel hopeless) and I do (deserve this).

Let me tell you first that my life was never hard. It was not easy either, but I lived a pretty comfortable life.

Until very recently, actually, today, I found myself hitting rock-bottom. Hitting rock-bottom feels like waking up in the middle of the night because your body needed to gasp for air. Because even in your sleep, you cannot deny the fact that life is not worth living anymore. Mine came in the form of pawning the only watch my father gave me so I am able to eat.

As life would have it- I got involved with people who found enjoyment in non-conventional activities. I say non-conventional at this point because I grew up in a Christian family. And having been a sheltered neophyte who had his first bottle of beer at the age of 25, I began to take a step into the world of alcoholism, partying, and from the non-conventional workings of a carefree life, I began to shift to the radical, and then ultimately, the dangerous.

When I quit my job as a trader in 2015 with a fat savings account and a penchant for the arts, I thought I was in control of the wheel. I decided to live a life as a creative.

But instead of living this 'creative' life, I began spiraling into self-destruction. And illegal drugs did the trick for me. "Trick or treat" as kids in their halloween costumes would say, I thought I was treating my life well, but eventually, I had to pay the price for my actions. Life does have its dirty tricks.

And so, having pawned my watch for food. Today, at 33 years old without work, I am able to enjoy a cheeseburger for lunch. And eating a cheeseburger while sobbing alone in McDonald's wasn't easy either. But it did allow me to reflect on the decisions I've made in life and the things I value about it.

I decided to write because people - especially the ones who can relate to my situation need to wake up. Not because you need to gasp for air in the middle of the night. But because you want to see the world and when the world sees you back, it will gasp at how you learned, lived, and loved.

So down to my last sentence folks, here is my resolve. With nothing to spend with, I plan to get back on my feet. I would like to start painting again and the cost of paint, canvases and a gallerist can give me another shot at life. Also., I would love to be able to afford food again and maybe occasionally enjoy a good cheeseburger meal.

"A penny saved is a penny earned" as some people would put it. And a penny from you can ultimately save me, as I earn my life back.

Love,

ADDC