Change her life

My dream is to raise money for my friend

So she can pay legal fees.

She’s a victim of domestic violence, a silent unsung hero and a loving mother, who adores and protects her children.

I cannot say who she is, as she is terrified of reprisals, should her ex-husband find out that people are helping her.

Years of legal attacks from her ex husband has left her in almost $15,000 debt

Unless you know someone who has experienced a relationship that is emotionally, psychologically and financially abusive, you may find ithard to believe this story. The scars, although invisible are every bit as soul-destroying as those received from physical abuse. The harm done to my beautiful friend and her children was subtle and slow. She started her marriage as vivacious, outgoing bubbly person with a fierce independent streak. By the end of it she was like a prisoner

To protect her and the children, I am using this private fundraiser.

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THEIR STORY

Over many years her then husband progressively hijacked her world. Bit by bit he took control of every part of her life: He drove a wedge between her and her family and friends, belittling and ridiculing them to her. Through relentless sarcastic comments and put-downs he also came to dictate how she dressed, wore her hair, even how she raised the children. He totally controlled the finances; she had to ask him for money and then account for every cent.

If she tried to find work or meet people without him, he would have a jealous rage; I could only talk to her on the phone when he wasn’t there. Before she did anything she would agonise over whether it would upset him and even then, she was never sure how he would react…rage attacks… blame-storms… belittling her. In the end she had little contact with the world outside their home.

After years of walking on eggshells she became plagued by persistent anxiety and a gnawing feeling of despair and hopelessness. She lost her sense of self and anybelief in her abilities. Her independence was gone. She stopped making decisions. Her life was confined to him and the children.

The blame and belittling continued. Any problem was entirely her fault; the solution relied on her changing something about herself– but this was impossible because her husband would constantly change his demands.

You may ask how this could happen.

The process is slow but it is relentless. Like most people who’ve endured an emotionally abusive relationship, she didn’t realise what was happening. Convinced that she was to blame, she searched for reasonsshe had failed so completely. Through her search she discovered that this hell was actually an abusive relationship. Her world collapsed. She tried counselling but soon realised she had to save herself and her children by separating from her abuser.

When they separated, she was left with nothing.

He owned the house, he took the furniture, the money even hercar (which was in his name and he refused to sign over to her. She then started her life from scratch. She found a safe place to live and arranged counselling for herself and the children. Later she retrained and found work

Since their split he has relentlessly pursued her via the courts.

This has left her in huge debt.

She faces $13,500 in legal fees and $1,200 in a Centrelink mix-up.

She can no longer defend herself against him legally because she is out of money and energy.

She has very little except her love, her commitment to her kids and her integrity.

She is a disability worker; a vital and demanding job on a minimum wage. It takes a kind-hearted person with great love and tenacity to care for the most vulnerable in our community.

She wants to continue to be a positive contributor to her community, but mostly, she wants to be the best mum she can be for her kids. I have felt so helpless in the face of the injustice she has lived through, and hope that fundraising is one small way I can help.

Every dollar we receive will go to her lawyers.

Your donation will not only help to relieve her financial stress, but it will show her that she is not alone. Support and love from the wider community will mean the world to this amazing woman, and together we can raise the spirits and hope of someone who so well deserves a helping hand.

Please feel free to contact us:

… if you have any questions, or would like any further information.