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Update posted by Stefania Mae On Jun 20, 2019

My child's school had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He was so scared of having to go visit his father as the court orders say, and he took out scissors in class and tried to hurt himself, saying he wanted to kill himself. He was in the hospital for 4 days, telling doctors that he is afraid to go see his father because of the abuse he has suffered and that he would rather kill himself than have to go to his father.

The doctors cannot make any recommendations to interfere with court-ordered visitation, but the doctor prescribed a solution that essentially makes it almost impossible for the child to see his father for the time being.

The problem is, if I do not have a court order that states the child can be exempt from visitation for now, then I will be facing jail time for custodial interference if I follow the doctor's orders to keep the child safe from his father. If this happens, then all of the children automatically go to the father, and, I risk losing one child to suicide.

At the same time, if I do send the child to his father, and avoid being charged with Custodial Interference, then two things happen: (1) - The child says he will kill himself. Period. and (2) I will be in trouble with Child Protective Services for "Failure to Protect" if I send a suicidal child to his father who makes him suicidal.

Another problem is that Child Protective Services say they cannot do anything with a Court Order. They are telling me to go to Court to request protection for the child, and placing the burden solely on ME to protect the child and ensure his safety and also protect myself from being in contempt of court, since ensuring the child's safety without a new court order would result in my being in contempt of court.

But being able to go to court costs so much money, and as explained throughout my story here, I am out of funds after having to spend hundreds of thousands already. I just don't have it anymore.

I am already in need of funds to help with the Custody Evaluator and the Court Case that will be coming once the report is complete, but now I find myself in another emergency situation where I need to find a way to get Court Ordered protection for my suicidal child before July 1 or else I will have to face the reality of my child's suicide threats as well as the reality of court sanctions for trying to protect him without a court order.

It is so frustrating that the moral of the story is that if the protective mother can't afford to pay a lawyer to help protect the child, then too bad for the child and the mother - they are on their own - and a mere "lack of enough funds" can result in a child's death by suicide.

I am at a loss. This case is split between two countries that are supposed to be First World Countries.

Living in a First World Country, do I really have to just start grieving the loss of this child to inevitable suicide simply because I don't have the funds available for a lawyer to help fight to protect him??


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Update posted by Stefania Mae On May 10, 2019

I received a message from Child Protective Services today that they want to send my suicidal child to his abusive father, even though the child stated that there is a 50-50 chance he will harm himself or kill himself if he has to go see his father. It's the abusive father who has traumatized the child so much so that the child has been cutting himself and has been admitted to the hospital 3 times in one month for talking about suicide if he has to go see his father. Child Protective Services are coming down on me, and supporting the father, telling me that the child should still go visit with his father despite the fact that they acknowledge the child has said there is a 50-50 chance of self-harm. To me, a 50% chance of self-harm is about 50% too much! How can Child Protective Services want to send a child in that state to the man who makes him want to cut and/or kill himself?

Also, the fact is that the child said 50-50 one morning. By that evening, as his visit got closer, his 50-50 escalated to a 100% and he went to the hospital. The closer it got to the visit, the more scared and anxious the child was becoming. He kept stating he was not feeling safe. But in the end, Child Services ask me to justify why I did not send the child to his father. I had to explain taking the child to the hospital even though it was the Doctor, Crisis Nurse, and Crisis Counsellor who made sure the child knew that he should return to the hospital if he is feeling unsafe.

This message from Child Services was sent to me in response to a letter of concern that I had written when they FIRST told me that I should have sent the child to visit his father even though there was a 50-50 chance of self-harm. I had responded to explain how the child cannot be trusted with a safety plan because after the child was discharged from the hospital the first time, he had promised everyone he would turn to his resources as part of his safety plan if he was feeling too overwhelmed, but he turned to scissors instead and started cutting himself right in the classroom where his teacher and classmates were. He could have turned to them for support, but he chose his scissors. He said he was thinking about having to go visit his father, and he wanted blood to come out of him, and he wanted to feel pain, but he was frustrated that his scissors were not sharp enough. (They were school craft scissors). This is what the child did to himself, completely against his safety plan. I explained this to Child Services to try and make them see that we cannot trust any kind of safety plan, but my concerns are apparently not valid to them. Safety plans cannot be trusted when we are dealing with a suicidal child, and Child Protective Services see no cause for alarm.

This scares me even more. They are supposed to PROTECT children, not send them right into harm's way.

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Update posted by Stefania Mae On May 10, 2019

Just as I released this campaign, I received a new email from the Evaluator, requesting the payment required for the report to be completed. If I am unable to make a payment shortly, the Evaluator says it will have to be suspended, and that means I will be in contempt of court for not being able to pay, PLUS, without this report, I lose the chance for any hope to get protection for the children. If I can raise at least approximately $5,000 immediately, I may be able to prevent the suspension of this case by the Evaluator. Any help is appreciated...I don't want to have to send suicidal children to their abusive father who makes them want to kill themselves...

I have uploaded a copy of the email that I just received a few minutes ago...

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