Trying to begin again..

My name is Madeline and here is my story.
In 2012 I was diagnosed with Lupus. The same disease that took my mother's life on Christmas day 2003. My children and family we devastated. My depression over came me and so my life was going down hill. A few months later, I lost everything. I had to give up my home and give away my 2 amazing "dogs" that we had for 3 years. They were apart of our family. I still cry when I think about them. A friend that I have known since I was 6 years old told me to move in with her. So I spoke to my babies and we all decided to move 1000 miles away and focus on my health for a year or so. We left our family, friends and church behind. We moved in with my friend. After a few months, I began so see her in a new light. Not a very good one. She began to act like a kid and was interested in all the things my teens were into. She always praised my 16 year old son for being so good with the guitar. I brushed a lot of things off.. I wish I hadn't. In January of this year, I went through my old phone that I had lent her. She got a new one a few months before but never gave that one back to me. I was looking for a conversation btwn her and her ex boyfriend. Him and I had a disagreement and I wanted to know if she contributed to the way he felt about me. I sure did find it and more. I saw something that had my heart racing. I felt sick to my stomach.. I couldn't breathe... She had my sons cell phone number under another name.. But why? Why would she be talking to my 16 year old son so much and felt the need to change his name as if she was hiding something?.. Then I saw the naked picture she sent him and knew for sure "why". There are no words to describe what I felt. This was my baby she was sending this to. My Christian, virgin, shy, smart, baby!

The next week was hell. I had to further look into the phone to find "enough proof" for the police. I couldn't stay quiet. I was ready to burst. So many things were running through my head. I felt as if I was going crazy. I spoke to my son and asked him what I already knew.. He was no longer a virgin. I wanted to die.. I asked my youngest if he knew anything and he began to cry. He told me "I saw her kiss him and I couldn't tell you because you are sick and we have no where else to go." That broke me even more. This child had to bare this for months because of me. He was protecting me!? I always wondered why he didn't like her. She would try to talk to him and he would just say "no thank you" and walk away. I remember yelling at him and telling him "after everything she has done for us, how could you act that towards her!?" I never understood the facial expression he would give me.. A face of confusion... To know what he might have been thinking and couldn't tell me.. ugh.. I was filled with rage.. Not putting my hands on her was by far then hardest thing I ever had to do but, I wasn't the one that was going to jail. I spoke to my 16 year old as calmly as I could and just asked questions. He told me he ended it with her a while ago because her and I had a fight and he sided with me and she didn't like it. He told me there were so many times he didn't know what to do. He felt like he had to continue with her because of the things she would say to him and how she always abused her role with him, If he didn't want to talk to her or bother with her, she would tell him he had to do the dishes or something and when he refused, she would come to me and I would make him do it.. I remember her doing that so many times.. I could not understand how could she do that to him.. To me.. To my family! Finally, she was charged with Child Endangerment and could not return to her house until we left. I was harassed by her family members ( that were like family to me) calling me names.. Telling me the things this "friend" has been saying about be which were all lies.. I couldn't believe it. How am I the "bad guy"? I had no where to go but FL, back to my family but I had no way of getting there. I had to stay in that hell house for another week until Social services told us to pack our things, put the little we had in storage (I donated 80% of my things when I moved in with her) and they sent us to FL. I was relieved. The heart break was worse than any and every relationship I have ever had. I cried every night. I hardly slept.. Hardly ate.. My wake up call was when I was talking to my youngest teen and noticed a scar on his wrist. My heart dropped. I went crazy.. I asked him "What the hell is that?? What are you doing to your self??" He kept trying to hide it.. and then began to cry.. He said "I hate hearing you cry in the shower. I hate seeing you in so much pain and I hate not being able to help you. I hate that I feel like I betrayed you by keeping it from you. I don't want to feel this anymore!" I grabbed his face and told him with tears in my eyes "Do you know you are the only thing that gives me the strength to get up everyday? The reason she is still alive is because of you. All I do is see your face. YOU are my reason! I would go insane without you! If somethings happens to you, I will not be able to live!" Knowing I could have lost my baby was more than enough for me to fully fight back. Not let her still have control over our lives. So I became stronger than I ever thought I could be. I started going to church and reading the Bible and mainly, listen to worshiping music, My life started getting better. I started to really talk to my oldest. For a few weeks, I felt as if he betrayed me as she did. I felt he should have known better. Even though the Detectives, Prosecutor and my Therapist told me he was the victim because she took complete advantage of him, I didn't see it. In my mind "I raised him better than that." But, he was the victim.. The more I spoke to him about it, the more I saw how she manipulated him and toyed with him. He thought he was in love until he saw how she would play with his head but he couldn't end it because he thought she would come to me and tell me how he harassed her and her thing was "who do you think she is going to believe? A child or her best friend?" This was all just so much. So, here we all are. Fighting back. Trying to start a new life.. My Lupus is trying to take over me but it will not win.. I have faith that everything will get better. I dream of her less but I am looking forward to the nights that I don't dream of her at all.. Where I don't think of her at all. It's been 7 months and I still have flashbacks just not as much.. If you made it this far I want to thank you for reading my story. It is not an easy story to tell. I know I am going to do great things and start businesses and become a great leader in time.. However, I need help right now. I have not been able to get the little I have in NJ. My storage is due on the 12th but, I want to ask you all for help on getting us to NJ to pick up our things in storage and a few things we lost for good. We really don't have much in there but what we do have are important to us. I know there are still amazing people out there wanting to help and I am grateful for the. I am one. If you are in the Central Florida area, I am willing to work for it. I don't have a car but I am hoping to use what is left for one but i'll get there.

School begins soon and they don't have much here. It would be such a blessing to be able to get all of their things before school begins. Thank you for reading my story and please share..
God bless you all!!