Dear friends and acquaintances,

a few days ago I have upload the update, but somehow it was not on the update. So now I have to start all over again.

on 24th April, my husband was admitted to Hospital again, that evening, I with the help of my 16yo son and 14yo daughter to clean my husband, we found that his diapers was soaked in blood and faeces. So we rush him to ER, and arrive in hospital at around 9:30pm, after the firsts screening, the ER doctor was suspecting him having diverticular disease. the later moved him from Yellow zone to Red Zone and to be admitted in ward.

my kids are with me at that time, we all waiting for him to be warded, and at around 3:30am only they were able to find a bed for him in ward. after we make sure he in what ward, we were so tired and exhausted left him in hospital. we reached home at around 4:00am. The next day is school day and work day for me too. But we all so exhausted, we skipped everything and sleep.

In the morning, the hospital call me, informing that they gonna do a colonoscopy on him. which I had given consent the night before. still groggy and fuzzy, I told them that I'll be there before noon. Once I arrived in Hospital at around 10:30 am, they had a result but cannot confirmed whether it is diverticular disease or not but they can spot a some sort blood clot in the intestines. the doctor had told me that this is common for a comatose unresponsive bedridden patient. After all it is been more than a year for him in this situation. After, they stabilised him, they allowed him to be discharge last week but he have to be admitted again this 15th May.

It's been a while since I update, this is thus far he has not change much, physically he is ok but he still unresponsive and we have to care for him, feed him, clean him, monitor his blood pressure and all daily routine which I do with only help from my kids. We cannot afford to hire any private nurse and we have no close relative to help. I am the sole breadwinner and now the bills are piled up and I'm behind all the bills. It is a humbly experience. When you in desperate situation and in need of support but not a single relative show up to help. They all keep their distances and we shall remember. However, friends and strangers had offer some help and their thoughts and prayers are well received.

Sometimes, I just need some shoulders to cry on and to rest but the situation does not permit it. Over here in small town in Malaysia, there is no NGOs or any support group that I know of. I feel so alone.

Few friends and acquaintances always said that I'm a strong woman but actually I'm not. Really. If given choice, I would not want this and my kids to suffer too.

The kids are helping but emotionally they are very stress and tired and it effect their schooling and study. I stand strong so that my kids did not see that I'm slowly weakened with physically and emotionally tired. I'm not sure how much longer we going to face this and it is going down hill very fast and financial ruins.

some kind souls (you know who you are and I am really appreciate your kindness) also have help us financially by directly donated into my Bank account which really help us to get by day by day, so that we always have food for us and also special formula milk for my husband.

Ramadan has started and this is the second time we are not celebrating anything. No new clothes for kids, no special food for Eid, no one to visit and no one visit us. Last year, what we did is locked up the door and stay inside for the whole week of Eid celebration.

I'm very new on this campaign and still do not know how to withdraw the fund, so I'm going to try to withdraw some. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you all your kindness and donations. Please rest assured that I'm very grateful to you all.

below are my husband photo taken in hospital (against the hospital rule) but I just don't care now. This was taken last week. Please help us to survive this.