September 10, 2018

Finally, 5 am.. I was able to sleep. Just as I lay down the hospital coach my eyes closed.

7 am. I woke up hearing my son's text-to-speech voice saying "mama.. help" several times.. I tried opening up my eyes.. but it took me like a few more minutes.. before I was able to. I told Rafi.. "sorry, my head aches. Please buzzer the nurse. But Rafi won't stop

He kept on repeating, "mama help" So with all the strength left in my system. I opened my eyes and looked at Rafi. My God.. I saw blood all over his neck and chest. So I immediately got up and nearly fell down the floor. I ran out to the nurse station and told them Rafi's bleeding. Our bedside nurse immediately went to our room . She checked out the bleeding mouth and the trache tube in his throat. Then the bleeding got stronger. I held a small white basin to catch the blood that was coming out if his mouth. To prevent panic, which might affect my son, I coolly told the nurse, " I think it's time to call the doctor"

Surprisingly, the nurse was cooler than I was. "Ma'am, I already called the doctor. He is in his way." She said. 10 minutes passed and a liter of water left my son's body.. but still no doctor. I was already shaking. The nurse called up another nurse. Then the doctor came. The back up nurse took the white basin from me. She saw I was really shaking. I left the group and went to the corner of the room near the main door. The farthest away from Rafi's bed. I was holding myself not to cry. One the doctors told me, sick people are usually very sensitive. It wouldn't be good for them to see someone (esp. one they care for) cry. My chest is about to explode. Seeing my son bleeding and gasping for breath. He's my sweet thoughtful son and seeing him like that fighting to take breath and losing a lot of blood.. I thought I'm near passing out. I sat on the chair, covered my face and cried. I had to.

After about an hour .. they controlled the bleeding by injecting Rafi with 1 g of hemostan, putting a sterilized gauze inside his mouth and something called nunet which dissolves in his mouth to control the bleeding.

Rafi's Chemotherapy 2nd episode of heavy bleeding postponed his Chemotherapy that day. His cbc showed significant drop of hemoglibin. So, his doctors opted to stop the Chemotherapy temporarily and start Radiation therapy to stop the bleeding.