With a $20,000 hospital debt and an expensive workup to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy again, is a new baby really possible?

Yesterday, I had my first postpartum check-up with my Perinatologist. She said that I need to be tested for Alagille Syndrome gene mutation before trying to get pregnant because my angel Sky was diagnosed with it and they need to rule that out. Although that was not yet clinically proven because my baby passed away even before the genetic testing.

Knowing the gene test already costs almost $3,500 and the pre-pregnancy work-ups and treatments cost the same, makes it more difficult to believe in a chance to have a baby. And that's still not knowing what the result of the gene testing would be. Adding to the fact that people, most especially those close to you, say things like "Why did you go to the same doctor? You should do this and that and not waste your effort again." makes it even more stressful.

If we have that much money, maybe having a baby wouldn't really be an issue. But we don't have that much. If only getting pregnant was that easy. If only getting pregnant was free. If only having a healthy baby don't cost much.

Until now, I want to try to understand things, accept them and still believe in miracles. But all of that seems difficult especially when my fourth baby was born yet was still taken away from me.

Why am I writing this down in here? Maybe because I know only a few would read this and I'm wishing that maybe we'll get the luck we need through online crowd funding like this.