t’s now past 02 am and I’m finally done packing, as always last minute. There’s something cozy about doing it the last night, awake late, alone. Quiet and exciting at the same time.

Its now been a few months since I found out that the cancer is back. From that moment I knew right away, not like an idea, but as a feeling deep in, I knew what I want to do and what I want to stop doing. In a way it was a blessing. I finally came to a point where I had to drop a lot of bullshit and lies that I was telling myself. Lies that came out of fear, from not listening to that quietly screaming voice inside.

Its weird. A deadly disease that makes many people shiver was a gift. Maybe it’s survival tactics, but either way, I’m happy and excited. I have to be. Of course there are moments of despair, but somehow they also lead to insight and love.

I’m now at what feels like the next step. The next step towards health. That’s how this journey has been, one step at a time.

Not knowing what's next and trusting what is. It has lead me to some amazing meetings, new friends and love love and love.

Since day 1 the support from friends and even strangers has been beyond what I even could begin to imagine.

Words, prayers, healing, money, love, hugs, shared tears, shared laughters. I can’t do anything but to stand amazed and full of gratitude towards all of you.

I don’t know how this journey will end, like no one does, but

either way it feels right. No matter the outcome, it feels right.

I love you. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why,

I just love you.

So this will be my final words from Sweden as a warm bed is now awaiting me.

I wish you strength to follow your joy and that someday I’ll look into your eyes, laughing and crying from love.

Good Night <3