On our latest trip we set off with a group of 11 people, from Plymouth & Portsmouth. This is the third trip I've done that was a Plymouth/Portsmouth Calais trip, we are thinking we should be twinned! The group included people with building & carpentry skills as well as a nurse. Three of us had been before, the others hadn't but had been inspired by our last trip to join us on this one.

In our truck we set off with over a thousand pounds worth of tarpaulin that I had purchased from donations, along with the rest of the space filled with sleeping bags & blankets & new tools & wind up lamps. We met at the ferry and all booked in to the hostel ready for an early start the next day.

I had arranged for 4 of us to do building work & we set off to the building warehouse. The others went to do warehouse sorting & distribution in the camp, with the nurse joining the medical team. The first day was spent putting together the self build packs, this involves cutting & assembling the frames, cutting the tarpaulins & making doors & attaching locks & hinges. We worked hard as we were conscious that we wanted to complete as much as we could in the time we were there.

The next day I wanted to take the builders to the camp as none of the others in this group had been before. I arranged for them to do repairs on site to the self builds. We loaded the van up with spare doors, wood tarps & tools & headed off to the first area where we were directed to do repairs. Whilst we were doing the first repair it wasn't long before word got around that area of what we were doing & others came up to take me off to look at their much needed repairs. Many shelters needed doors as some of the self builds had gone out without doors. This is the constant challenge of volunteers & donations operating the humanitarian aid, is that you often don't have all the materials when you need them but it is better to get a shelter out without a door rather than have it sat in the warehouse waiting. At least by getting it out some tarps/sleeping bags can cover the doorway & there is at least partial shelter. We did see some MSF shelters being built within the warehouse but whilst MSF provided the materials it is up to volunteers to finish, transport & assemble on camp.

What surprised most of us was how many people sleep in a shelter. Where you think there might fit 2 there are 4, where you think 3 there are 6. Yet most people are still sleeping in tents, collapsing from the wind & the rain. We continued with the doors & worked until it was dark on the camp & we had to call it a day. I spent a lot of time saying to others that needed their doors doing 'Bukra, InshAllah'. Tomorrow, if God wills it. This is the most satisfactory answer you can give them when you cannot do what they need right now. On our last day building in the camp we had to say we couldn't do any more & the response was always a question of 'Bukra, Inshallah'? And this time I had to say 'No, Sorry we are returning to the UK'. This felt especially hard to say knowing that this was the very place these people were trying to get to. They always responded with 'We love UK'.

We spent the rest of the trip doing repairs & fitting doors in the camp & in our earnest to get as much done as possible in the time we had, one day we didn't stop for lunch or drinks but relied on grabbing snacks when we could. The irony of grabbing a Slimfast bar from one of the group to eat in the camp, as we hadn't eaten all day, was not lost on me & I find it difficult to shake off the shame that comes with winning the birth lottery. We did manage to eat properly sometimes of course. But everywhere are reminders of the huge gulf that exists but shouldn't, between the lifestyles of one set of human beings and another. We ate in one of the restaurants in the camp. The food & drinks were served on paper plates & cups with 'baby shower' decoration on them. The waste & excess of some, myself included, starkly contrasted with the lack & need of others.

Many things will stay with me that happened, as it does every trip. One of the funniest being when one of the men wanted to show us all his 'new home'. He waited patiently for 30 minutes or more whilst we finished a job & we then followed him. He came to a spot, stopped, looked confused & then burst out laughing & walked off in another direction. We followed him as he laughed & explained that he had automatically gone to his 'old house'! In the wait he had forgotten he had moved & had automatically headed back to the old spot!

I also went to visit the Kurdish families I had helped build the first set of shelters for. It was sad to see they were still there but also a bit happier that this field of the few shelters we had built & many tents, was now a field of shelters & caravans with less tents. We said hello to everyone & many recognised me from my last visit. I am always surprised at how many people do in fact remember not just me but also many others, as they must see so many people. It reminds me of something an Iraqi once said to Quaker peace activist Tom Fox, who was killed in Iraq, 'If you remember me in good times I may forget you but if you remember me in the bad times I shall never forget you'.

One of the things that will stay with me, for obvious reasons, happened on the morning of our return. We headed to the warehouse to unload our tools from the day before. As I started to unload I found two young stowaways in the back of the truck, they had covered themselves in tarpaulin to hide & were sleeping. I had to wake them & they said 'England', I said 'No. Sorry. France'. I explained they would have to go back to the camp & they smiled & said okay. They made to get out of the truck & I gestured to them that we would drive them back to the 'Jungle'. They smiled again & said 'Shukran/Thank you'. We gave them some food from the warehouse & Andy & I drove them back to the camp. We drove around for a bit to try & disorientate them as to the location of the warehouse because nobody from the camp is allowed to know where it is. I laughed as we achieved in disorientating ourselves & said to Andy, 'they're probably in the back saying to each other "They don't know where they're going shall we show them" as we probably didn't fool them for one minute.

When we got to the camp they jumped out & as they went off they waved & blew us kisses. I didn't take a photo of them. I wanted a photo of them just to keep for myself but couldn't bring myself to take a photo of what was probably one of their most crushing moments. These two young boys I recognised from the camp the day before. They had heard us say we couldn't do any more work as we were heading back to the UK 'Bukra, tomorrow'. They had asked us at that time if we slept at the camp we had told them we didn't. Andy & I worked out that they must've walked that night into Calais centre, looked for the very distinctive red truck & climbed in under the tarpaulin. We knew they hadn't been in when we had left the camp the day before as we had used the tarpaulin that was on the back to cover something when we parked up outside the hostel that evening. The thing that stays with me the most about this though is the thought of the hopeful conversations they might have had before going to sleep that night once they had made it into the back of the truck. And this is why this situation & system is so wrong. Because it forces young people like these two boys to trek half way across the world in the hope of a life of safety and dignity. And it forces people like you & me to crush those hopes.

'That which is morally wrong cannot be politically correct.'

NOTE: I am heading back on Boxing Day with sleeping bags and blankets if you have them - again must be in good clean condition. I am planning to work in the 40 day soup kitchen that has been set up for Christmas and New Year period. The group that went out this time are returning to Calais in March. Thank you again for all your donations.